Sunday, June 19, 2011

What's in the Future?

What does the future hold for anyone? 
We go thru each day doing our daily activities and never know what the future will hold. We have been experiencing a Time Warp of a Future on Crack! We don't know what we will be doing tomorrow, the next day or even next week. 
I blew up my car. Do we buy a new one or do I stick with my Company Car even tho I'm not doing "company" things? Do I even need a car right now? Does that even matter? 
In the Grand Scheme of thing....No!


Tomorrow is the PET Scan which is a full-body scan to see what's going on inside you. They inject you with a mixture of radiation dye and glucose. No carbs or sugars the night before or you will overload. They leave that hot-juice in your body for 1 hour then run you thru the scan to detect anything and everything inside you. 
If this cancer has spread beyond the head and neck, we are FUCKED! Sorry but it's the only way I care to describe it.

Yesterday, we were to attend our friends daughter's gala wedding but instead, we went to look for cemetery plots. Not that we are not being positive here, we are just being REAL.  
I had shopped and searched for the perfect dress for the last 2 weeks for this wedding. It was crucial that I have the right style and look like class. Everyone we know was invited.
 A gorgeous Zac Posen dress was in my possession with cute Jimmy Choo shoes to match. I was giddy with excitement. You know how it is when you feel your outfit for that upcoming special event looks good on you and you just know you will feel confident and the stress of being worried about your style is non existent. Ha!
That dress and shoes don't mean a thing. Handbags and lipsticks? They mean zilch.
JuicyTuesday wrote me a note and told me something that really sticks in my head....
Health is Wealth
I will write that again.... 
Health is Wealth.

Anyway, back to Zac Posen.
I told a dear friend of mine that we were going to spend our day on Saturday not going to the wedding but instead going to find Eternal resting places side by side. She gave me one very good idea...
Wear the Zac Posen to the cemetery! 
I did just that. 
My darling husband, Jimmy Choo, Zac Posen and I all traipsed thru the serene grounds and we found the perfect place. 
You may think I am being morbid. It wasn't at all. It was actually very peaceful and had a comforting presence there among the tall trees and beautiful quiet of flowers and silence. We found a spot near a sloping hill with sunshine and whispering trees nearby.

I hope all of you don't get depressed by my blog. It's theraputic for me. I am usually crying big tears as I type. It's also a way for me to express my thoughts and give family and far away friends an update. I know I need to announce this to my wonderful YouTube viewers in a video but I am so raw right now, I'm not sure I can. I appreciate you all more than you know. Each and every note and letter I get is going in the pocket inside my husbands heart tomorrow and all the good wishes and prayers will be going thru that PET Scan as well and I hope they come out on the other side with just ONE day of GOOD news. 
If not... 

51 comments:

  1. Sending love and hope for you, your husband and family
    x

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  2. I'm praying for a miracle, sweetie, praying hard.

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  3. I am a long time subscriber and I just wanted to know you touched me and I am praying for you! When it all comes down to it...only God knows what will happen, so I will ask him to bless you guys! My YouTube name is kdickson0415:)

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  5. Sending hope & prayers your way.

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  6. Sending my thoughts and prayers for you Lana and your dear husband. {{HUGS}} <3 Tina from Australia

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  7. Yesterday I was tell my mother in law about u and your hubby. I caught myself saying "a woman I know in Indiana" and then I had to correct myself and say "well, I don't really know her.." funny how u feel and care about someone u actually don't know... I will continue to pray for u and your husband just like I'd pray for any good friend of mine. Truly wishing u strength along this journey. Love is surrounding you, coming from places u did not even know

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  8. lana,
    i am sending all my prayers and love your way. I couldn't stop thinking about your situation this weekend while at relay for life and i said quite a few prayers for you and your family. He WILL beat this.

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  9. Lana, as I've told you in every message I've sent, you and your hubby have not left my mind since I heard the news and tomorrow will be no different. I hope you feel the love and support of all of us who feel like we know you through your videos. I watch a lot of people on YouTube but there are only a small few who feel like family and you are one of them. Stay strong tomorrow and we will all be hoping for the best news possible. Love, Peg

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  10. My Dear Friend ...I wish I could be there to hold you while you cry and try to hide it from your husband . I know you don't want him to see you weak but it is an emotion and at this time you guys need to share your emotions while you can because when the answers are given it is going to take all the strength you have to fight this horrible disease and I know ...just like the day you announced you were going to be a CASA and I thought to myself how lucky those children are to have you fighting for them and I feel the same about you and your husband he is a very lucky to have you as a partner ...a partner that will not give up until every stone is unturned!! I prayed last night as I do every night and I ask God to send you a Miracle . He is in that kinda business you know and I think you and your husband are due one. I am here if you need me ...all you gotta do is dial and I will be there for you. Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you always . I love you dearly ...Susie ✞

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  11. Lana

    Nothing but good positive thoughts and energy tomorrow..write here often..it's therapy for you We love you so much....

    Big Hug

    Sandy

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  12. Dearest Lana,

    My heart goes out to you and your husband. Praying that the PET scan brings you nothing but good news tomorrow. My thoughts and prayers will be with you tomorrow as they have been every day through this. If you need anything, please just ask. Hold on to each other Sweetie. You both need one another more than ever. Love & Big Hugs... Vickie

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  13. I'm just so damned sorry. I don't know what else to say other than that. Life can throw some big blows sometimes. Please, please remember, you and your husband have many people who care and are sending positive thoughts your way.

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  14. I have been thinking about you non-stop since I read what has been going on. I have also been Praying for you and your husband non-stop as well. A better quote I've never heard, "health is wealth" so very true. Love and Prayers always!

    Victoria~

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  15. You wore the dress!!! THATTA GIRL. Thinking of you constantly. I wish I could take this away from you right this very second...

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  16. I'm very sorry to learn about this. Your husband and you and are in my thoughts. Sending positive vibes and big hugs your way. Hehe glad you "took advantage" Jimmy and Zac anyway. Take care <3

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  17. You are both stronger than you know, facing this head on. You are also thinking of others and that makes you such special people. I know it is more than a "bummer" to do such tedious tasks like a cemetery plot but it helps those who live on deal with big changes in a time they don't want to even think about it. I will keep all my digits crossed and count you in my prayers.

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  18. I read your last few posts after seeing MakeupByNichole's video about you. I can't imagine what you and your husband are going through, but it must be about the worst thing in the world. I will keep you in my thought and send good vibes your way!

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  19. Maybe you can't see us, Lana, but we're all right there with you and your husband.
    I really, really hope that the PET scan turns out all right.
    Stay positive.

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  20. I believe God in all things and I know there is nothing to hard for him..We need faith right now in know'n God is able to heal the sick.. believing in God brings the favor of God- the favor of God brings the promise of God to and in Ur life--in this we all must believe for ur husband--God is able!! In this we do know...Stay Well ~ psjlife

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  21. Love that you wore your dress. I get the looking for plot thing totally. I work in personal injury law - mainly wrongful death - and have always told people that you will always meet someone who has a loved one longer than you, but you can also meet them who have not been as fortunate as you. And I do remember what a gift it was to spend the time with my mom when she was dying. A lot of people go to work one morning thinking everything is fine and never come back, because of some accident, etc. Getting to say goodbye is a gift. Making sure he has some control over it is a gift to him also. Much love to you sweet pea.

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  22. My cousin was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer in the stomach. She flew up to the US because she lives in another country. The doctors there told her she had 6 months. She initially went bc she just wasn't feeling good. They flew up here to miami and those doctors told her she had 3 months. Then they flew to TX for treatment. That was 16 months ago. Her will never broke. She has 1 autistic child that is 7 and her oldest is 9. As of right now, her cancer has now advanced so much the dr's can't do much. In the last year she has been on trips, taken fam pics, and really travels more than i do. Its a hard road but make every second count..and really who knows when God is ready.. some doctor can't give u a date.. God writes the agenda! Stay positive! My prayers r with u

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  23. Sending prayers and good energy your way Lana!! And remember, stay focused on today, this very moment because the past is history, the furture is a mystery, but today is a gift, that is why it is called a present. Love you hon!

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  24. sending love and hope today to get you through the scan, i hope there isnt too much waiting for the results and that there is good news.
    i know that when you lose your health all of a sudden it is all that matters, but if you can get through it, you will cherish the world like no other... im praying it will be that way for you
    jen xoxo

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  25. You're right Lana, you are not being morbid, you are being realistic and it's ok to use the 'f' word - sometimes it's just the only word that will do!! I will be praying for you and your husband throughout the day as I have done since you let me know. I am praying with a desperate plea from the bottom of my heart Lana, truly I wish for your fears to go away and life to be normal again. Warm hugs are being sent your way... Leyla xx

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  26. My dear Lana,

    I hope that his cancer has not spread beyond the head and neck region, that will be highly favorable for a successful treatment outcome. I agree with you about being realistic. I think I would do the same.

    Nevertheless, don't lose your faith and your strength. Your husband needs you and the family. I don't know what's in the future for you, and I can't give much advice, but you need to be prepared :( If he undergoes treatment, there will be a multitude of side effects, and not only his body will suffer but also his mind and soul, and he will be needing your love and support.

    I think of you both Lana, everyday, and I talk to my husband about you and about your husband's sickness. We pray for you, and for having good news. Dear Lord, dear Father, Son, Holy Spirit, God, please help Lana's husband in this critical situation, let it not be a metastatic cancer.

    We love you

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  27. Miss Lana~ I have been following you for a a couple of years now and what you two are going through is everyone's biggest fear. Thank you for being so generous in sharing your life with all of us. By sharing your thoughts and feelings, you are not only helping yourself but those who may be going through their life's biggest upheaval. You are one of God's children and an excellent example of a southern "steel magnolia". I and many, many others with be praying for you two. God bless you both. ~Kim

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  28. oh,my dear Lana..I really dont know what to say to you in this moment, other than you and your husband have been in my thoughts and prayers for the last days. Stay strong. And mentalise positively. Love, Karine.

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  29. Hi Lana! Best Wishes with everything! Great to stumble on your blog! Have you heard of Freedom of Access to Medicines? The non-profit leading the effort against the FDA from disproving the drug Avastin on June 28, which is currently working for 17,500 women with Metastatic Breast Cancer! Please sign and share the urgent petition: http://fameds.org/petition.php

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  30. Dearest Lana, My heat is filled with sadness because I don't want you to have to worry and suffer. My prayers are that the cancer has not spread. I pray that you and your husband will have many more years together on this earth.

    With love and hugs,~Marilyn

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  31. Dear Lana,

    I'm so sorry to hear about your husband's cancer diagnosis, I can't imagine how difficult this must be for the both of you. I will be sending positive thoughts your way tomorrow for the PET scan and hoping that nothing else is found. I think you are handling this news with grace and pragmatism, you are supremely classy! Take care of yourself and appreciate today, stay strong for tomorrow!
    Love and best wishes,
    Anne

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  32. Lana dear, I am a subscriber from your YT channel and found your blog recently. I want you to know that I am praying for you, your hubby and all the Doctors and professionals who will be helping your dear husband to beat this thing! Please accept a *hug* from me, and know that I care about you! Hang in there.~Renee

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  33. Lana, don't apologize for writing what you feel. We understand and it's good for you to get it out. I must remember the "Health is Wealth." That's so true. When my Dad was going through cancer, I'd say to him "Poor Dad." He always said "I'm not poor. I'm rich in many ways." His attitude carried him through a lot. Please know that we are all praying and hoping things turn out for the both of you. I always pray to St. Jude and St. Anthony, they are my special angels. And know God hears your prayers. I'm sending you a big hug, Lana. Take care..

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  34. Hi Lana, just popping in to let you know I am thinking of you both. Love you and keeping you in my thoughts & prayers... ♥HUG

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  35. Still thinking of you and your husband always! I'll keep saying prayers and sending you hugs!
    Charlene (5995char)

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  36. (¯`v´¯)
    `*.¸.*´
    ¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
    (¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. .•.* Things ALWAYS change. No matter how permanent they feel, they will change. ♥

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  37. Oh sweet Lana, I've always thought of you as such an amazing woman. I'm so so so sorry to hear this is going on. My heart aches for you and your husband and tears fall as I read the your fearful posts.
    Sending you warm hugs and praying for you always. All the love in the world to you and your husband in these trying times.

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  38. Sending TONS of love and hope and prayers for you both, Dear Lana!! I am so sorry you're going through this....

    BUT, if he's anything like I think he is, he won't allow this to stop him and with you by his side, you've got this!!!!

    HUGE LOVE to you both!! (and TONS of prayers, too!!)

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  39. Thinking of you - hope today went well.

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  40. Ma chère Lana,
    Sending tons and tons of love and prayers to both of you. It makes me so sad to read these lines. I don't know what to say, I just feel so sorry and angry because why on earth should such great, heartful, kind persons as you both are (I don't know you in real life, but that does not matter)be suffering this??
    I just need to tell you that sometimes, even in the darkest situations, there is a tiny light of hope and you MUST stick to it, even if the entire world says it's nonsense.
    Toutes mes pensées pour vous deux. Big hugs

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  41. You and your husband will be in my prayer tonight.

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  42. Your strength is amazing. I hope the scan shows nothing in other places. My prayers are going up for you. Love you, girl.

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  43. I'm praying for your Hubby and wishing you the best!! Health is Wealth in deed!! I would trade all my beauty things for my family's wealth!! Keep your head up and stay strong!!! BIg Hugs!!! xoxoxo

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  44. I'm praying for you Lana! Well your husband, but you too, for your will to stay strong :)

    Never give up hope because miracles to happen.
    oxo

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  45. Hi Lana,
    I'm so sorry to hear all this. I didn't know all this was going on with you and your husband. Saying a prayer for ye both and your entire family! Cancer is pretty rampant throughout the male section of our family but luckily most of it has been treated successfully, including my dad. Keep the chin up!
    Take Care, Siobhán.
    xx

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  46. The health is wealth really touched home to me :)
    :( I hate knowing your crying and we're not there to comfort you personally but I'm glad to see we're touching you in some way or another, even by words alone,we're always here. xxxxxxxxxxxx

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  47. You hang in there! God loves all his children and grants the desires of our hearts when we truly trust in him. Know that we are all feeling compassion and send our prayers out to your family. Keep praying for a miracle. You are blessed also that you have so many others praying as well. Be blessed!

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  48. You are an amazing woman... to stand by ur man. God bless you Lana. You brought me through a dark winter last year and If there is anything I can do for u do NOT hesitate to ask!! feel free to contact me pls.

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  49. I follow you on youtube and now am a follower of your Blog! Your name is Lana Indiana. Do you live in Indiana? That's where I live. I see you have a lot of followers on your blog,that's a lot of Prayers being sent up for you and your husband! You are in my Prayers! Stay strong!

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  50. Are you looking for free Google+ Circles?
    Did you know you can get these ON AUTOPILOT & TOTALLY FOR FREE by registering on Like 4 Like?

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