Tuesday, June 28, 2011

The Report....

Today is Tuesday.
Remember that ugly, vile, horrid report? 
The Pathology Report?
Horrible Tuesday.

11:00 a.m. My husband had his very first Radiation treatment today.  Time is NO longer our friend. No time to go to MD Anderson,  Huston, TX  although we going to IU Medical on Tuesday next week for a 2nd opinion.

The drug of choice today for the anxiety was Valium. Much better. He did it. He wore that mask and the treatment was over 20 minutes. I was so proud of him! He came out of the room grinning even tho he had black marks all over his neck resembling a road map route of the back streets of Istanbul. 
Every week  day for the next 8 weeks we are to be there to blast and sear his throat but if it works, it'll be worth it, right? Radiation shrinks the tumors. Chemo kills them.
Chemo begins after the PET tube and Port Tubes are surgically installed.

They give him a special toothbrush and toothpaste. Nothing even close to him can have any form of alcohol in it. Also, a special cup and a recipe of baking soda and salt to be gargled every time he thinks of it to cut down the thick mucous that is about to become the inside of his mouth.
3:00 p.m. An appointment with the surgeon that did the biopsy and he has that dreaded 
I am ready for him and his nasty pages of paper. I have a copy of that disgusting report in my fat little fingers that he doesn't know I have. 
I have done what so many of you had told me so kindly NOT to do. I spent 6 hours on Sunday into the wee hours of the morning taking that report apart sentence by sentence. Piece by piece. Word by word. 
Mitosis. Apoptosis. Tumor. Emboli. Immunohistochmical. Necrosois. Cell Stains. NeuroEndocrine.
I researched the report like a drug addict searching for a corner to sell crack.
I felt I knew what it was and what it said but, guess what?
I am no medical professional. I know how to extinguish a fire in a cabin. I know how to
inflate a life raft. I know about lipsticks and nail polishes and bleach blond hair.
Medicine, I am clueless about and probably know only enough to be scary. 
When the doctor told us he was going to explain the "report" I sat up a little further forward in my chair. My palms sweaty and my heart beginning to quicken....
Words. Medical words. The worst medical words.
Fear. Gripping fear.

Large Cell Undifferentiated Neuroendocrine Carcinoma is one of the rarest forms of cancer. It has little to no information and success rates are completely unknown.  
It is cancer of the Endocrine Glands and cancer of the Nervous System. 
I have never seen my husband show fear EVER. I have seen him cry at a sad movie especially ones involving animals. "Milo and Otis" made him weep. "Old Yeller"? Forget about it! 
I have seen him sad but never scared. Sadness is not fear.   
From the corner of my eye I see that his hands are trembling. Tears in my eyes. I could feel the tears. Huge big stupid tears splashing onto my notes and my copy of the report.
The doctor is talking and the room spinning. 
18 months. 18 months. 18 months?
For the seventh time the words "18 months" keep repeating from his mouth as if on a loop.
18 months. He won't say the words but gosh, we're not idiots. 
He says to remain positive.  To enjoy the time left on Earth. To look at the blue sky and the green grass. 
18 months. Be happy he loves his wife.  18 months. Reflect how he ran a company that was in the family for over a hundred years and made it a success.
Enjoy the small things and love the big things. 
My husband looks at me. Our eyes lock. We stand. My legs feel like lead in my pink Louboutin's.  My knees buckle and I have to be helped back up to standing. I want to yell and hold my arms out and run down the halls knocking down everything in my path. Run thru the halls of the medical building and crash over carts, careen into patients and be a weapon of mass of destruction.

We head for the door. All I want to do is go home. 
As we are walking out the exam room door the surgeon stops and tells us "Oh, we may have to do that tracheotomy if this treatment doesn't work so your airway isn't blocked and you can breathe. There are also alternatives.  Cut off the tongue. Remove the voice box, thyroid and all of the salivary glands. A complete throat redisection.  This is if the Chemo and Radiation don't work. It may buy a bit of time."
We are in complete shock. I see my husband almost quake at the thought. I feel that if I open my mouth a scream of sheer horror may be heard for miles. My teeth are biting into my lips to remind me to hold myself together.  
Cut off his TONGUE??
Dissect his entire throat? To live for only 18 months?
 All I am and all I want is to escape this nightmare and go back to our beautiful lives. 
18 months? It's a death sentence.

We are going to fight this like I have never fought before. I am going to eat positive for breakfast lunch and dinner. I am going to spit it out and live it and give it back to my husband every day. 18 months is not acceptable. 
Day 2 of treatment is tomorrow and my big girl panties are getting tighter by the second. 
We HAVE to fight!
18 months will come and go and God willing my husband will be with me December 25, 2012. 
18 months.

P. S. Your notes and letters keep us both going. We have spent so many hours in waiting rooms sitting in stiff chairs and hunched on exam tables.
 I love to read each and every one of them to my husband. It makes me so proud to show him how wonderful this world is and that the people in it are angels. At least the ones that have touched our lives are. You.


  1. Oh Lana, praying for that miracle. Fight the fight girlfriend. Do all you can do. Don't every give up. Don't ever give up. Love you, thoughts and prayers are with you and your dear, dear husband.

  2. Only God knows the day we all going to leave this earth. Stay strong, pray and have faith I know miracles happen every second.

    I wish I could take all the pain away from both of you but I'm sure God's arms are around you all the time. Believe it!

    God Bless you

  3. Lana, stay strong. We are all praying for you,I know I am. Faith is stronger than any doctor's words. You and your husband will get through this. God will find a way. All my love and prayers.
    Ema <3

  4. There you go, Lana. You fight this thing with everything you'be got. Seize every moment and make it your own. I am praying for you and your Hubby. With our support and your love and determination you both can get through this. Love you, Lana!

  5. Lana, you and your husband are in my prayers every night, I pray God will give you miracles one at a time that will beat the odds and this dreaded disease. I pray that God will give you enough of that Positive to keep you both strong, and I pray that not only will God give you more than 18 months but 18 years and then some to live out your lives together. From one wife of a cancer survivor, I pray that you will be able to say the same when this is all over. God Bless you both we are all praying for you both. Love and Hugs (((((((((((((( <3 ))))))))))))))))) Kristinn

  6. Lana, Does the Dr. know that you're the one & only Lanaindiana? He should only know who he's dealing with here? Didn't he at least recognize your shoes! You fight the good fight sister! Blonde Power! That's what I say! Clink your magic Wonder Woman bracelets together and fight, fight, fight. My money is on you. Love ya both! Susan

  7. Lana, you are so amazing..... the way you write to us each day. The strength you find I am amazed....., I read each word and cry for all that you are going through. Then, I have a flash of thought and remember all the names you call each other. ha ha Keep calling each other all those little "pet" names every day..... hold each other, and know that all of us are praying for you. Blessings to you both...... BIG HUGS XOXOXO

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  10. Lana I knew once you got it all in ...You would be the fighter I know you are. And your husband could not ask for a better person in his corner. I really understand you wanting to go to a bigger facility like a University I would be searching and knocking on every door I could ...I still believe that God is going to give you a miracle I believe it with all my heart I know I am praying that he does. I am glad that you write it is one way of expressing yourself when there is no one around ...Tell your husband that we think of him every day and are praying for him. Lana you have given so much I just feel it is time you are given to.....And that is what we all are doing ..Praying ...Loving ...Hoping .... I love you dearly .... Susie ♥

  11. I am praying still. Hold on and fight with everything you have. Sending you love and light.

  12. Lana,

    I'm sorry to hear your news, but I pray that you and your husband get to spend as much time as possible and enjoy the rest of his time here on earth. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed for any of us.
    Blessings to you you!

  13. Prayer is POWERFUL Lana. I know there are many great people praying for you, your husband and your families. The only one that knows when we will leave is God. No one else, so try to enjoy every second that you are together, no matter if it's for the next 24 hours or the next 50 years. Miracles, DO happen. God bless you all.

  14. Dearest Lana,

    Oh my dear! I know how heavy your heart is right now. 18 months. But in 18 months... miracles can happen!! They can happen in a blink of an eye. Don't lose hope! Life is not guaranteed, and really, we are all dying as much as we are living. And to Mr. Indiana, kick some cancer ass!!!

    You two are so blessed to have each other! Love like what you have is truly rare. That in and of it self is enough to perform miracles.

    Love you both!

  15. Lana, There are no words to express how sad I am that you and your husband have to go through this. You are both lucky to have each other. Some people search a lifetime for what the two of you have. If you need to scream you can do that here with us. Be strong for your husband and come here to let it go. We are all here for you. It is amazing how you can have feelings for someone that you have never physically met. Your husband is in my prayers. Stay strong and dont forget you are there for your hussband and we are here for you! xoxoxoxoxox

  16. Lana, I just recently discovered your channel and your blog but I have to tell you that in that very short amount you have touched my life through your willingness to share in your blog, your love for your wonderful husband and the determination that is so evident in your character. I will pray for him, you and all of your family. As much as you love your hubby know that God loves him even more...miracles happen, keep the faith. xoxo, Neliza

  17. Lana,try not to focus on the number the dr. gave you, it's just a guess. Sending tons of prayers and positive energy your way. Love and hugs.

  18. Lana,

    We do not come with an expiration date.

    When my daughter was born I was also given a few expiration dates for her and you know what!!
    They were wrong !!!! She by passed all of then and is now 24, healthy and the mom of a beautiful one year old.

    You and husband have an army of people sending love and prayers.

    Positive energy is the most powerful gift we have and can give to our loved ones.
    It does take a tad more work to be positive and there will be times you feel defeated and that's okay.

    Just get up, brush off you knees continue the fight of your life with and for the love of your life. *\^_^/*

    Sending you buckets of sunshine and love. xo

  19. Hello Lana,

    My grandfather was diagnosed with prostate cancer last year and the news seemed to only get worse as they realized my Grandfather had been hiding his symptoms not to make my Grandma worry and the cancer was now very advanced. I watched in the early days as my Grandma was filled with fear and grief. The happy news is that this year, Grandpa is now cancer free and despite the odds being stacked high against him; he is alive and up by 6 a.m. every morning to take his walk. His radiation worked.

    My Grandma started the experience but it wasn't long after and her demeanor changed completely. She spoke positive things about healing and though I know she had to be hiding so many emotions - she presented herself as calm. I remember when I was young kid and I heard that most drowning occurs due to the individual panicking - instead of laying back, being calm, allowing the body to float and then paddling to shore.

    That always stuck with me, and at many times in my life I have called upon that story and the imagery to help me compose myself, get calm, and then "paddle" to safety. That is what my Grandmother did - and I noticed what a difference that change made to my Grandfather.

    It is understandable how you are feeling, so please do not mistake this as me telling you otherwise; but I want you to practice that visual when you feel like you are spinning out of control.

    There is so much left to this story that no one, the doctors included really know but I have seen the power of love on a human being in trouble - and it is powerful.

    When my nephew was on his deathbed at 1 day old I held his hand through the incubator and sang to him for hours. By the time I was finished his vitals had finally stabilized and he was breathing much better. I was in there to say goodbye - because he was born with fanconi anemia syndrome and little was known about the syndrome and the only other case they had seen, the child was dead within a week and those symptoms weren't as bad as the one's my Nephew had. Well, despite being told one day, and then one week? He just celebrated his One year Birthday in April of this year and he is still thriving.

    It is clear how much you love your husband and you probably cannot realize how that is helping him now, but I've seen what love can do - and I believe in it 100% Continue to love him strongly and do the right things and you two can beat those odds.

  20. I realized a day or two ago that I hadnt noticed any new vids from you on youtube (you usually post them frequently). I went and watched your last vid then went and read your blog. What you and your husband are going through right now simply takes my breath away. I seriously feel like I was punched in the stomach. I am so sorry this is happening and I am PRAYING for you guys. I dont know you from Adam but in some strange way I DO feel I know you. Be strong. xoxox

  21. Miracles do happen. Praying for you.

  22. Sending love, love, love, love, love and more love to you both. Doctors have been wrong before and they will be wrong again. I will be (as well as many of your devoted friends here) eating all that "positive" right along side you for ALL 3 meals. With love everything is possible. Every second of every day is a gift. Know you are both loved and cherished and together we will beat this with you. Hugs xxxxx Eva

  23. Lana,

    I know they said 18 months... I don't give a crap what they say our God has the final word! Faith makes all things possible...

  24. To Lana & husband - you can fight this! You are amazing people and deserve to live long, happy lives together. Muster every bit of strength you have in your bodies and attack this cancer! People react differently to cancer treatments. My aunt w/ inflammatory breast cancer was given 6 months to live - and that was 4 years ago! You can do it just like she did! <3

  25. Dear Lana,
    I can only imagine how difficult it was to hear this news. I don't say this to give false hope but to show that miracles do happen. Years ago my Dad was given less than two years. He took that two years and added 12 more. The illnesses are different but as many have said, only God knows our time. Doctors are very gifted and knowledgeable but not omnipotent.
    You, your husband, your families and the doctors will continue to be in my prayers. Prayers for a miracle, direction in treatment, strength to get through what may come your way and God's peace to come upon you.

  26. Lana, my heart is hurting for you. I believe that only God knows how much time we all have left. Don't focus on that number, and keep fighting. I'm praying that God will give you strength, bless your husband with health and I pray He will give you two a miracle.

    Sending you love & hugs. xx

  27. Thought of u and your husband all day long. I cry with you..... And will think positive for you. Sue

  28. Lana,
    I HAVE SEEN MIRACLES, my mom is now cancer free for two years after stage IV breast cancer that was only mere millimeters from her heart, yet God has definitely answered our prayers. PRAYER is the most effective treatment.
    And for your husband. He is very blessed to have such a loving wife next to him. That is the ultimate blessing in this world I believe. To ever know and feel love like the two of you share.
    I haven't gotten you and your husband off my mind and know that you and him are in my prayers.

    << Philippians 4:13 >>
    "I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me"

  29. My Dear Lana,
    I have grown to love you as I have been watching your You Tube videos and now I am reading your blogs,my heart hurts for you and the tears run down my cheeks.How could this happen ? Life can be so cruel.You have both worked so hard to get where you are today and deserve to be happy.You are both in my thoughts and prayers constantly.I am praying for a miracle cure as are all your friends and family.We love you Lana and cannot begin to feel the pain and suffering that you and your darling husband are going through just now.You are his angel and he loves you so much.Be strong darling Lana,your husband needs you now more than ever.
    Never give up.Big squeezy hugs to give you power and strength. Love,Julia xxxx xxxx

  30. When you spoke of fighting hard and staying positive, I thought "that's the Lana we all know and love". Don't give up hope, we are all praying for a miracle. Big hugs to you and your husband.

  31. I went through the big C with my father last year. I know the devasation of these reports and doctor speak. My father in law told me in life you just have to plow through it. I did, and it wasn't easy. Just remember no one is the same so don't go googling horror stories. Miracles happen every day! My prayers are with you.

  32. Lana my heart aches for you. You are the kindest and most down to earth person i have ever come across. A good friend of mine at school had cancer of the throat. At the age of 16 years old she had a tracheotomy and had her voice box removed. She is now 24 years old and living life to the fullest. She wears a necklace to cover her scar and has to whisper to talk but she fought for her life and survived. I believe your husband has the strength and desire in him to keep on living. Take each day one by one and don't let any precious moments pass you buy. God is watching over you and your family. Just remember He has a plan for you. When you think your life is as bad as it gets he will surprise you with something greater than you imagine. I sincerely hope for the best for you and your family. Love- Andrea Wilson

  33. Hey Sweetie did you see all the beautiful candles we've lit for y'all? http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=LI

    People are still lighting them.

    18 months, hours, days, years, numbers, they mean absolutely nothing. We are here with you, we are praying, crying, fearing, hoping, doing every with you. When y'all are feeling weak, read these posts, look at your candles, call one of us. Everyone wants to do everything to help you, let us.
    Your fans have become your friends, and like I said yesterday, I truly believe everyone here is genuinely interested in you and your welfare.

    We love you and will be here every step of the way.

    The Florida Possum stuck in Canada,

  34. Make every day count, fill them with love and faith that you WILL beat this. You're in my heart and prayers.

  35. Lana

    Has anyone touched upon stem cell treatment for this sort of unusual rare cancer?? I would ask those questions. Also check into the European treatments. Europe has more options to offer. the darn FDA here in the US gives us stringent limitations for the drugs available her in the US. Germany is so much more advanced in research and science. Do Not put all your eggs in one basket for treatment. Also, check with a dietian more the best macrobiotics possible to help ont only fight the cancer, but strengthen his immune system. Traditional medicine is not the only answer. Traditional combined with holistic medicine is definitely worth your focus and investigation. Please know that I am reading everything I can about his cancer....please research other forms of treatment. Poision and radiation in conjunction with other choices. I also recommend Sloans Kettering Hospital oncology for your optinal opinions. Leave no stone un-turned..

    Love you both

  36. Lana, You charmed your way into our homes and into our hearts. I am keeping your husband and yours in my prayers.

  37. You are both teaching many of us a hard lesson in life. My husband can annoy the heck out of me sometimes but I look at him and think about things you've said. And nothing he does bothers me. I couldn't imagine life without him and through your experience u have reminded me to savor each moment and forget the little things. I continue to pray for both of u everyday and I pass on your story to others so that they to can be reminded of how precious life is.

  38. Lana keep fighting and let no man put a number on your husbands life span. P & PA (prayer and positive attitude) do wonders. You have an army of friends helping with the prayers, I am one of them. Cathy (ziplockcan)

  39. Lana ~
    I thought about you and your husband several times today. Please hug him tight and tell him that so many of us are pulling for him to kick the crap out of this stupid, awful thing.
    Love to you both, Mary Sue

  40. Lana, go to www.cancer.gov. It's the U.S. National Cancer Institute website. They have info for the entire country on the different treatment protocols and current TRIALS for every type of cancer. It is a terrific resource. You can even talk with a real person if you like!!!! They will fax info to you if that's what you want. It's worth a try. THIS IS EFFING WAR; GO, GUYS!!!!

  41. My God, I am sitting here with my jaw in my lap. Please God, please help these two beautiful people.

  42. Lana this is important!!There has been a lot of research that shows that visualization and positive affirmations can work in fighting cancer. I have a degree in psychology, and am on my way to grad school, and I have see a lot of studies done on cancer patients who visualized their cancer being destroyed and also on repeating positive affirmations every day. The cancer patients who used these techniques had a higher raite of recovery than those who used medical treatment only. I know this sounds like hooey, especially in the wake of the surgeons lovely chat with you guys, but you have to keep in mind Lana that the mind is a VERY powerful thing, and what is so interesting is that scientists know everything, 100% about and how the human body works, but only something crazy like 2% on how the brain works. So, don't discount that your husband picturing his cancer being killed won't help, because it sure can't hurt. I will see what affirmations and other visualation techniques I can find and send it to you here, I guess. Also, ask your doctor or someone there about visualization and postive affirmations as an additional treatment for cancer. If they scoff, then ask someone else, because alternative medicine is being turned to more and more, because guess what? It works! Please check it out. Love you guys, Bridget

  43. I hate giving advice i really do i just want to give you a big hug. But if it is at all possible get your ass to MD Anderson in Houston. They work miracles there. And we need a miracle!

  44. May God hold you both in the palm of His hand and give you strength. Your in my heart and prayers. In the darkest of days there is always a glimmer of light,I hope you both find that glimmer of light daily. Jan H.

  45. Ive been praying for you every night since I found out about this Lana, God can do miracles, Keep trusting in Him! Every time I read an update my eyes fill with tears. I hate to see you go through this. You are such a sweet lady. You will have my continued Prayers for both you & your husband, along with everyone else affected during this hard time. Stay strong. I used this verse when I was a younger girl & still use it today. Hope it helps you too. "What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." ~ Psalms 56:3

  46. Dear Lana, I am praying for God to work a miracle and give you 100% success with these treatments. Doctors often lack tactful ways to say the most important yet painfully sensitive things. I am so sorry that you are both so frightened, I wish I could take that away from you :( I love you, think of you both every day, and have faith that you will get through this. Thinking positive right along with you! If you need a friend or a shoulder, I'm here...<3

  47. I am praying for your over and over throughout the day!

  48. My dear Lana, I pray for the both of you. Believe that you can trust God. Positive is the key word. You are such an amazing amazing person, I miss you and I wish I could come down and be there with you during these hard times. Love, Tamara.

  49. Lana, I still believe. I have to. For you, your husband, and everybody else that I know that someday might be in a horrific situation like this. Miracles can happen. Keeping you both in my mind and heart every single day. Mentalizing POSITIVE. Love to both of you, Karine.

  50. Lana, I also hate that report =(
    But as someone else said, prayer is powerful. And oh God I hope all of our prayers will be answered.

  51. Lana, you, your husband and your family are in my thoughts and prayers everyday since I heard this terrible news. "Science only goes so far, then comes god." A miracle can, and will happen Lana, stray strong and know that you are not on your own. Love and hope to you and your husband. Love Catriona

  52. Dearest Lana,

    Just keep up the fight, both of you. FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!!!! None of us will ever give up hope and we all continue to pray for you both. Much love, Leyla xxxx

  53. Hi Lana,
    I am reading your blogs and I think you are such a wonderful person who gives out so much love and help to other people. Having read through all the loving,supportive and encouraging comments,I really hope that they are giving you strength and courage to carry on the fight to beat this wretched cancer. I believe that you and your husband will beat this.I am praying for you and your husband many times each day. Love to you both.
    Big squeezy hugs,Julia xxxx xxxx

  54. Ciao Lana,

    Just reading your blog this evening to see how things are going with you and your husband. You both are very deep in my heart, thoughts and prayers.
    I don't know if you have ever head of the author Norman Vincent Peale, I have mentioned him here before... but he wrote the book called The Power of Positive Thinking.. it's a very old book.. but when I feel down, I always go back to this book. In the book he says this... and I hope that you don't mind me quoting him here tonight... and sorry if this is a long note to you...

    "Every day as you confront your problems of life, I suggest that you affirm as follows: "I believe God gives me power to attain what I really want." "Never mention the worst. Never think of it. Drop it out of your consciousness. At least ten times every day affirm, "I expect the best and with God's help will attain the best." "In so doing your thoughts will turn towards the best and become conditioned to its realixation. This practice will bring all of your powers of focus upon the attainment of the best. It will bring the best to you." NVPeale

    You and your husband are always in my prayers...

    Sending you and your hubby dearest some really big hugs and kisses.

  55. My best friends uncle was in a late stage of some majorly bad form of cancer and the doctors gave him 3 weeks.... And he lived 4 good years. He and his family were waiting for him to pass on every day for the first couple of weeks - but he simply didn't. He just went on living, went on smiling and laughing and loving for so much more longer.
    When he was in his mid 40s my grandfather had a massive brain tumor and the doctors told my grandmother that he would probably not make it through the chemo. They arranged the funeral and all, and waited.... My granddad turns 82 next year.
    Please do not focus too strongly on these 18 months. I can only imagine how hard it must be, but just keep in mind that doctors are not always right and miracles actually do happen.
    I'm sending love, warm thoughts and positive vibes your way.

  56. Dear Lana,

    have you heard of the Intention Experiment?
    In their section "Intention of the Week" they organize for people to collectively use their thought power to restore someone's health who is in need. Ordinary people from all over the world as well as professional healers participate in this.
    If you and your husband feel comfortable with the idea, maybe you would like to look into it.

    You and your family seem so amazing and exceptional in so many ways, I truly believe the course of your husband's illness may be exceptional, too, and leave doctors gawking at his miraculous recovery. That is what I wish for you.

    All my love,

  57. Lana, I thought of you and your husband all day long. I ask God for His blessing to you and your family. I know He will be sending healing your way! When done with chemo and radiation, head on down to Houston! After that, check out Cancer Treatment Centers of America. Miracles do happen. In the meantime, my prayers go with you, good vibes, and healing strength! <3, Brenda

  58. Dearest Lana and Mr. Indiana My heart aches for both of you.. I know you do not know me but I feel I must pass this on to you.. I was in NYC this weekend and on the way home from out flight Jet Blue (sorry Lana) I was watching Joel Olsteen on the way home..he said not to beg Jesus for anything! Open your bible and start quoting things he said.. so you say YOU SAID.. YOU SAID IN PSALMS 91 YOU SAID YOU SAID YOU SAID AND GO TO THEM ALL AND SAY YOU SAID AND KEEP REPEATING THOSE QUOTES AND THEN THE MIRACLE WILL HAPPEN.. BECAUSE EVERYTHING HE SAID IS TRUE..SO DONT BEG DONT PLEAD JUST KEEP SAYING YOU SAID He always keeps his promise. May you and Mr. I find some peace and comfort during this difficult time... I am a nurse and I deal with death on a daily basis Cherish the time you have together and give this all up to Jesus xoxo Natalie aka ShrinkingNurse

  59. Lana, much love and hugs and many prayers to you, beautiful, you and your incredible husband. I wish I knew his name so I could pray for him by name. Other than saying Lana's husband. Just know, both of you that you are in this together..that your love will help you through this and your faith. The power of prayer, that is all I keep thinking right now. Let all of us pray for you and let HIM show the power of it. I pray for a miracle, I pray for returned health for your husband. One thing I have been told when my life has been unbearable, "Leave it at the foot of the cross" Pray about it and leave it there, let God do his work and don't let the next however many months or day you have be clouded by a dooming sense. Wake up smile, love and hug each other every chance you get!! You are both loved so much.

    Love Julie

  60. Lana, my sweet friend, I am praying for you and your husband every day.
    I truly believe that those 18mths can turn into 18yrs and many more to come.
    Stay positive and together you will win the fight over the big C.
    Lots of love
    Sarah Jane


  61. Dearest Lana,

    Me again, I just wanted to tell you something my mother said and that is not to get caught up in the numbers game.......she was diagnosed with breast cancer, this is going back 24 years now and techniques and treatments have improved significantly since then, but poor lady, she went downhill so badly at one point during her chemo and radiotherapy. They told her and the family she would be lucky to see 9 months. Lana she lived 11 MORE YEARS!!!!! Spirit and determination to hang on to life must NEVER be underestimated along with the power of prayer. I think I told you already about my mother in an email a week or two ago, but just wanted to remind you. I'm not a deeply religious person Lana but I do believe in Almighty God and we are all at His mercy.....we all pray and pray and pray and hope he sees how many of us love you and care deeply for you and what you are passing through with your husband, that he answers our pleas and puts a little miracle your way. One member of the youtube family said something that was like something my own mother would have said - Mr Indiana has to kick some cancer ass.........love and hugs galore sweetheart, Leyla xxxx

  62. This sucks major a**!
    praying for you both <3

  63. You are not alone, Lana. There are tons of us carrying your story with us. Feeling for you and crying with you.

  64. Miracles do happen. Sending all my good thoughts and daily prayers for your whole family. Hugs to all of you.

  65. Dear Lana,

    Your friend was right: you HAVE TO do your hair and put on a lipstick every morning. Forcefully, if needed. Cancer cannot win, cannot take that from you. Your husband needs to see you the way you always are: beautiful, groomed, funny and confident.

    You and he should sit down and make a list of things to do when he's gone, even the smallest things. Whom to call, whom to talk to. Make ALL the preparations, everything you can think of, and then put the list somewhere in safe and FORGET about it. When you have your worst case scenario written down, when you took time to prepare, the outcome will be better. It may be 24 months instead of 18, it might be a miracle or it might be easier 18 months, but it will be better.

  66. lana, have faith!! only God knows and only God can decide the time for us to leave. Dont lose your faith. He can make everything new in a moment. Believe Lana, stay strong..


  67. To hell with 18 months, Lana! You two HAVE to show those doctors that it CAN and WILL be beat! IT WILL! You have an army behind you and by god, if each of us could strike out a tiny bit of this horrible life sentence, we WOULD! There is always someone who shows that these cancers can be beat.. Your husband WILL BE THAT PERSON! You absolutely WILL wake up next to your husband December 25, 2012 and you WILL be able to smile and say "18 months ago we didn't know if we'd be here..happy, HEALTHY, and stronger...but we are...WE ARE!" And doctors, needle pricks, stupid phone call assistants, medieval torture masks, radiation, chemo...it will ALL be a memory of the past, one that you have fought and killed off!

  68. Be Brave, Lana!!! So many people have seen medical verdict overturned, why not you? Pray to the God you believe in, and FIGHT. We will be with you every single step of the way. As you said, God Willing, your dear hubby will be here and healthy. comes Christmas 2012.
    We love you, we pray for you.
    Be strong.

  69. Dearest Lana,Keeping you and your husband in my prayers daily...
    May mercy and love be with you both.

  70. My Dear Lana, I won't tell you to be strong, you already are. I won't tell you not to cry, cry when you need to and then take a breath and smile when you can. It is so hard for us to see our husbands suffer and be afraid. All he needs from you is to be there, tell the same jokes you always have ( when you have the energy) Remember that you don't have to carry him through this , he just needs you to walk with him. You are doing wonderfully and so is he! I can't say what the future holds I only know that you and he will weather it with grace and dignity just as you have always. I believe in miracles and I believe in prayer. If anyone is due a miracle Lana, it's you and Hubby. All my love to you and hubby.
    I sent you a note via youtube. Talerareniah. I know you get tons of letters but if you come across mine. I hope it helps and you can call anytime!
    Love you

  71. 18 months is just a number. If this is so rare where do they come up with that number anyway? It will not be rare when you beat it. You have to be positive and fight with all you have.
    God bless, Lori

  72. Dear Sweet Lana, My prayers go out to you and your husband. Last night I went to bed before my hubby did. He asked me why I was going to bed so early--my answer: "Because I have a lot of praying to do." I will pray for you both daily and nightly. I have seen God work miracles in so very many ways.

    Lana, You are stronger than you even realize. You are so greatly loved. Keep fighting, Sweetie! We are all with you, every step of the way. but most of all, God is with you. He is the One who can be there with you when we cannot.

    With love and many prayers,~Marilyn

  73. Oh Lana, it is so wonderful to read all these lovely messages being sent your way. You are extremely loved by all of your friends here online. I include myself on that special list. We love you and even though we haven't "met" your husband, we love him because you love him.

    I wish I knew why God's will for us is sometimes so unbelievable. If I knew, I would tell you, but we don't always know up front. I know you two are scared. You have a right to be. Anyone would be. This is shocking news. But you are not alone in this fight. You have a God who is there with you every step of the way. Jesus said to us right before He went to be with His Father that He'd never leave us nor forsake us. We have to have faith and believe He says what He means. Without hope, we have nothing. Jesus also said that in His Father's house are many mansions and that He was going away to prepare a place for us. He added that if it weren't so, He wouldn't say it were so. He wants us in heaven with Him and we are so important to Him that He wants to make a beautiful place for us to be with Him. The Bible talks of the beauty of heaven and that no eye has seen nor ear has heard what He has in store for us. WE are that important to Him. Give everything over to Him right now. Just say Lord God, I cannot handle this. I give it all to you. Please lead my path.

    Lana. we are all praying for your husband's complete healing and yes God still heals today, He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He can heal and He does heal and what a testimony to the world your hubby's healing would be. I pray mightily for it every day and I will continue to do so. I look forward to watching your vlog where you report the good news to all of your You Tube friends.

    As you read this know I am praying for peace for you, Lana and your husband. That your hearts will not faint, but be beat strong in the knowledge that your God is there with you. I pray for wisdom that you both will be at peace with every decision you make regarding treatment, nourishment...etc, And I pray for a form of happiness through out this journey that is only sent from above and that the world can't possibly comprehend. Walk by faith and not by sight dear one for He is with you. Fight the good fight of faith.

    All my love...

    Lisa aka PomMomLisa...YT

  74. I always hear stories about how "The doctor only gave him 5 months to live, and he's still here 10 years later..." Keep thinking that. Your husband can beat this! He can live longer than 18 months! We're all praying for you, Lana. Stay strong and positive!

  75. Dear Lana, One day at a time, one minute, or 15 seconds at a time. Whatever it takes, put one foot in front of the other,keep your head up and go forward. Lana, know this we're not just your friends, we're family and we're on this journey with you and DH. One quote that comes to mind is "No one said this life would be easy, but it's so worth it" Love klaire, (Hugs)

  76. Please watch the documentary Crazy Sexy Cancer by Kris Carr (or read her book). She has stage a 4 type of rare liver cancer, but by taking the alternative health route, drinking green drinks, cutting out meat, dairy, colonics, and taking up yoga and changing her body from acidic to alkaline has changed her. It is impossible for cancer to survive in an alkaline, oxygen rich body. Please Google” PH Balance of your body and cancer”, and how it can not only causes cancer, but also get rid of it entirely. The FDA don’t want us to take the natural route that God intended for us, but brainwashed us into thinking that their way is the only way (there is no money in the cure). Please click on the link to see her appearance on Oprah and what she does daily http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQEi-3xfugE. If you don’t want to click the link just type in Kris Carr on Oprah on YouTube or in Google videos.

    I know you guys will come through this… Please just seek an alternative way too and get a third opinion from alternative health nutritionist. A strong nourished system alkaline body, and a positive mind can make the world of difference


  77. Lana, I don't have enough words to say I'm sorry to you and "Mr. Indiana." What I will say is this: I'm tired of the medical profession telling us what causes cancer, but they can't find a cure for it. My Grandfather died from it in 1955 and you'd think someone, somewhere would have found a cure by now. Eveything we do, say, eat, breathe, drink anymore causes cancer. It makes you just want to stay in bed and hide from the world. But you fight, Lana. Cancer is a sneaky, cowardly disease. You have to be twice as sneaky and twice as brave in your fight. Look at Michael Douglas. They gave him, what? Three months? And he's back and kickin' behind now. Lana, we love you, we've got your back and we're in this fight with the both of you. I say a prayer for you every night. Don't crumble. It's easy for me to say that, but I've been through it. I've had family and friends who've been touched by it and I can tell you that you can and will get through it. Remember Lana, please keep your strenghth up. Eat, sleep, remember to laugh. Look at the sky and know that God is up there and He's in your corner. Thank you for keeping us up to date. Now go and kick it's behind! Take care. Love, light, and big hugs to you both....

  78. Hi Lana,

    I am one of your loyal YT followers and feel like I really know you, my husband and I too have a quirky relationship he calls me "BF" for Bum Face, its our little fun! He calls our 3 kids " The Fart Heads" which brings a lot of fun to our kids to come back with funny names for my husband!! (my husband is a stock broker and a business man like your husband) We all love each other soo much our nicknames just make us laugh!!

    I was horrified to hear of your husbands health, you speak of him so fondly and I admire that, even thru YT you can see that the two of you are best friends and a team! just thinking about spending time away from your best friend is devistating, you are soo lucky to have your husband and I am sure he feels blessed to have you as his life long partner!! You are one of the most genuine, beautiful, caring, funny and most of all LOVING people I know, I could just see your husband shaking his head at the "mall incident" but loving you for it!

    I lost my father to cancer even before he was diagnosed with it (liver cancer) he was only 61, his un-timley death taught me to live in the moment whether good, bad or ugly as you never know when your time will cut short.

    You have a beautiful husband, kids and grandchildren, I know you will all pull together and make this horrible "c" word go away by living in the moment, loving each other and spending as much time together as you can!

    Please ask your husband to accept pain/anxiety medication it will truly help his treatment and allow him to be more comfortable during treatment intern being able to spend quality time with your family.

    Sending you, your husband and your family my sincere wishes and prayers for a speedy recovery.

    You are all in my thoughts.



  79. Dear Lana,
    I am not sure if my last msg posted or not...

    Please WATCH the documentary Crazy Sexy Cancer by Kris Carr (or read her book). She has stage a 4 type of rare liver cancer, but by taking the alternative health route, drinking green drinks, cutting out meat, dairy, colonics, and taking up yoga and changing her body from acidic to alkaline has changed her. It is impossible for cancer to survive in an alkaline, oxygen rich body. Please Google "PH Balance of your body and cancer”, and how it can not only causes cancer, but also get rid of it entirely. The FDA don’t want us to take the natural route that God intended for us, but brainwashed us into thinking that their way is the only way (there is no money in the cure). Please click on the link to see her appearance on Oprah and what she does daily http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQEi-3xfugE.

    If you don’t want to click the link just type in Kris Carr on Oprah on YouTube or in Google videos.

    I know you guys will come through this… Please just seek an alternative way too and get a third opinion from alternative health nutritionist. A strong nourished system alkaline body, and a positive mind can make the world of difference...

    Love Safiya

  80. Hi Lana...I just popped on to see if there were any updates. I think about the two of you many times throughout the day. I look at my husband and want to cry sometimes, knowing how much I love him and knowing how just awful this is for you because you love your Henry so much. I pray for peace and healing for you both. Much love your way, Angi (calvikingchick YT)

  81. Dear Lana and your wonderful husband, the bond of love you share is one that is so powerful, let it be your tool as you both fight this scary damn disease. Any interest at all in meditation together? I think it could be a fabulous way to relax, which is always good for anything, but perhaps even more so in this case. I think of you both each day and appreciate the updates you give from your heart, Lana. Much peace and strength--Julie.

  82. Lana, I am in the UK and I have followed your videos for a long time and feel like I know you. I was shocked and upset to hear what you and your husband are having to go through right now. Life is not fair, is it? Lots of bad people dont have bad things happen to them and so many good people do get those bad things to deal with. No words I can write here will make any of this any easier for you both to bear but if wishing could make things better for you then all would be well. Love is so important now, its what binds you together, helps you cope and gets you through and I know you have that in abundance. I send you a little more from England to add to it. Carole xx

  83. I'm so sorry.... I can relate to some of this. I know a husband is different but I was so young when I lost my dad. My dad lived 7 years with 4th stage cancer. You sound like fighters and he can live beyond 18 months! Many people do!

    My dad saw a naturopath, who put him on a diet that we think helped immensely. He basically eliminated all foods and chemicals and substances that were thought to promote cancer growth.

    I feel for you so much!!!

  84. Jessicamarie52108June 29, 2011 at 2:56 PM

    Dear Lana,
    Dear God I am so sorry to hear this! My family, friends, and I are praying harder than ever for your husband and to give you the strength you need through this difficult time.
    Stay strong love, and never give up hope!

  85. Lana & Hubby
    Sending my love & Prayers. I am sending a song a day to you both.
    Joyce from MI


  86. Dear Lana and Hubby,

    I was googling about real vs fake Loboutins when I stumbled upon your site. I read your journal entry "Journey of Fear". Since that day, we prayed for you and especially your husband. I checked your blogsite regularly since then. Lana, please have faith in God. Pray to Jesus for your husband's complete healing. Jesus is the name above all names, He is the son of God the Father. He is God as the Father and Him are one. He still performs miracles everyday. Read the Bible and cling on to God's promises there. Pray to God for He hears you. Seek Him like you never did before and He will be found by you. We are praying for you both. God bless you. Love lots -Cha

    Bible verse:

    "I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours. But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too" (said by JESUS in Mark 11:24-25)

  87. Lana,
    We have a close friend of the family whose entire abdominal cavity was filled with ovarian cancer in 2006. They gave her 6 months with no treatment or 2 years maximum if she underwent chemo treatments. It is now 2011 and she is fine and has been cancer free since 2007. They call it the "practice" of medicine for a reason. They don't know everything, only God does. Here's to hoping your husband is the variable that makes their stats wrong.

  88. so they gave you 18 months. remember that is only a guess from their base of knowledge. unfortunately he doesn't have a common enough form of cancer for them to make a better educated, statistical guess. i hope he will be by your side for christmas next year, what a present that would be. good luck, one day at a time, hopefully one year at a time

  89. I also wanted to add to my post Lana, just like the AD for Cancer Treatment Centers of America says. I never met a single person with an expiration date. Ever. Oh and that Secretary should be ashamed of herself. I am so sorry that in the midst of the worst moment of your life you had to deal with such a brainless twit!
    all my love to you again
    Heather aka Talerareniah ( youtube)

  90. Renee (passionknitgirl)June 29, 2011 at 6:31 PM


  91. Lana, your beautiful candle page continues to grow, there are so many prayers and words of encouragement there: http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=LI

    And I encourage everyone to go light a candle and leave a prayer or a word of encouragement. That site is a beautiful visual and spiritual representation of our love, thoughts, and prayers all in one place for Lana to see. When you and your husband are feeling down, just go see how people love you. I am still here, we are all still here for you and your family. Post when you can, and when you can't I like to think you and your husband are spending some quiet, tranquil moments with each other. We will be here waiting for you.

    Love you,

  92. I would not wish any cancer on my worst enemy. I have been threw this 3xs with my mom. She had breast cancer . You want to scream and yell this is not how its supposed to be . We all go about our daily lives making plans running around 90 to no then. And in a split second all those plans mean nothing and houses cars clothes all seem useless waste of time. But my mom still got up put on her makeup up until she no longer could stand. I asked her one day mom who cares whether you put on makeup she said I do because when I stop then I have given in to this cancer. She said it made her feel better to put her face on she said I do it for me. It is so hard to remain normal around such horrors as cancer chemo radiation. I wanted to just crawl up in my bed and cry I would think to myself this is not how its supposed to be she will never see my daughter become a women our my son become a man or see them marry or have children. She held on to her faith and remained strong why we all kind of fell apart for awhile. In the end you have no choice as you say I to put on big girl pants. Sitting in a chemo ward surrounded by sickness and still smile and read fashion magazines with my mom was the hardiest thing I have ever done. Saying goodbye and not screaming no don't leave us about killed me. I don't know how but some how we gather ourselves up and we just do it. This will be the hardiest time of your lives. Surround yourself with family and friends do not feel bad for leaning on others to help carry y'all threw. And take all the help you can get from friends offering to bring meals ect. That way you guys can just focus on each other. Your channel is one of the first I subbed to. I hate that anyone has to go threw this. know all your subs luv ya and are praying for you. The best advice i can give you is stand your ground with the Dr's etc this is your lives not theirs. Question question question them. And be prepared to piss people off by your questions Dr's tend to throw all this information at us at lighting speed and expect us to get it. Sometimes you just have to say hey buddy slow down give us time to absorb all this that you just threw at us. Know that all our prayers are with you and your family. We all appreciate and know how hard this must be to keep us posted. But we do appreciate the updates

  93. My dearest Lana,yes we are perfect strangers..I know some stuff about you from watcing your videos etc but even though you know nothing about me I want to know that Im thinking of you and your hubby every day hoping you both find new sources of strength every day.
    My name is Giota,i live in greece and Im sending you all my love,oceans away :)

  94. Hang in there. You and your husband have SO many people praying for you and thinking positive for you. I love you. I wish I could take this away. You keep those big girl panties on and realize you can cry in them. No sin. xoxo Jeanie yayayoga

  95. Lana, You have brought laughter and light into my home with your hilarious videos and have made a place in my heart since you remind me so much of my mom. I've never commented or even subscribed but feel compelled to share my story with you.

    When my second son, Noah, was born he was in acute liver failure. I was told he had 5 days to live. 40 days later (surviving 8 times longer than the doctors said with a dead liver) his storm passed (like the "Big Noah") and he received a transplant. It was a bumpy road and an emotional roller coaster to say the least.

    Now, 9 YEARS later, he is a healthy, thriving, energetic little boy! Never underestimate the power of prayer.

    The docs will tell you worst case scenario because that's what they're trained to do. But I know they can not account for the strength and mercy of God. The best docs will never take away your hope, and you don't let them. May the Lord bless you and your husband with strength, guidance, peace and endurance for your road ahead. xo

  96. We are all eternal beings which means we are forever and ever, there is way more ahead of us than there can ever be behind us. Everyone of us know without exception that we will make our transition into non physical, in the eternalness of it, it is no different than walking out of this room and into the next, there is no lapse of consciousness, you continue to be that which you are. -Abraham Hicks-

    We are all brothers and sisters on this Earth, we all come from the same place, I have thought alot about you and your husband since hearing of it.

    Much Love- Kristin

  97. Lana:

    Collect all the above heart felt messages and wrap them around you and your husband like a warm blanket that's made with love.


  98. Thank you for the update. You and your husband have been on my mind and a are in my heart

    It is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight-it's the size of the fight in the dog.

    And Lana you got a fighting spirit..... So fight.... And when you get low, come back here and we will carry you in that fight.

    Get this body alkaline ph balanced, not acid balance - the research says cancer can not survive in an alkaline ph balanced body...eating drives the balance of your body... My father tests himself daily via urine samples...

    bless you,

  99. Lana,
    I am only 19 but not a single person at any age could even start to imagine what you both are going through right now. Keep fighting, stay strong. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Only the best,

  100. From one Hoosier to another.

    I've dealt with cancer directly and know how devastating it truly is.

    I'll be praying for you, your husband and your family every day.

    God Bless!

  101. Lana. I love you and Hubby.

  102. Dear Lana,
    I'm so sorry you and your husband are going through this torture! I am going to send my most positive thoughts your way everyday! Take care of yourself and keep those big girl panties on! You are stronger than you think.
    Love and best wishes,

  103. With God All Things Are Possible - I am believing in a MIRACLE with your name on it, Lana
    ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Love You ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

  104. Dear Lana, I think you should take a look at this - http://vimeo.com/24821365 This Dr is in Texas.
    Love to you and your husband, Susan x

  105. http://vimeo.com/24821365

  106. http://vimeo.com/24821365

  107. Love to you both! I know it sounds funny coming from a stranger, but I have watched your Youtube videos for a while now and love you thru them alone!

  108. Your Husband WILL win this fight!!!!

    P.S. In a documentary I watched called Food Matters high doses of Vitamin C was a positive Alternative/Holistic treatment for cancer.

  109. Lana I just found of you and your husband today through a video of Marnie in you tube, I've been praying for you both all day long. I saw some of your videos as well. I lit a candle as well. You and your husband are going to win this battle!!! keep positive! a miracle is coming your way! God is with you and has mysterious ways everything is going to be ok! Have faith! Stay strong! We'll be praying for you and your husband!

  110. Lana,
    Most Doctors only know about half of what they think they do, they are NOT Gods (despite what they may think) they have no idea how long anyone will live. Only God himself knows when our time will come. I'm not saying to ignore everything Doctors say. Take the treatments and advice they give. Research all your options. But please do not put your faith in everything they say.
    With all that are praying for you I know that God will answer our prayers. It can be hard to wait on him to answer but all things must be done on his time. Jesus said "For where 2 or 3 come together in my name I am there with them." Well we certainly have more then 2 or 3 that have come together in his name. I am certain his is there with you. Lean on him a receive your miracle.
    Praying for your healing, stength and a peace that only he can bring.

  111. Lana, I can't fathom the burden you feel about this. That report! I wish I could physically DO something for you both! Pan of lasagna, dog walking, errand running----SOMEthing! I am praying though :) I'm praying that both of you will remain near to God :) I hope you have a TON of people helping you so that you both can focus on your husband's treatment and RECOVERY! Carpe Hubby!! ;)

  112. 18 months is for the average person. Y'all are not average! Defy that prognosis!

    18 Christmases, at least!

  113. Dear Sweet Lana, I have tears streaming down my face as i type this. I know your pain all too well. I have never met you or your husband but feel such a connection to you through watching your videos that i almost feel like you are family to me. Strange right?? But its true. I come to youtube looking for new viedos from channels i subscribe to and especially yours. I have been very busy with life latey but sign in to youtube quite often to see if any of my subscribtions have posted new videos and every time i signed in i saw nothing from you and i kept thinking that it was strange. But tonight i went straight to your channel because i was worried about you and saw your video. the pain i saw in you hit me to my core. broke me down into tears. I wish i were able to give you a big hug right now.I am praying for you and your husband with every bit of me. Stay strong Sweet Lana you have all of us here standing behind you to hold you up!! We love you... Anita

  114. My Sweet, Sweet Lana, My heart is in so much pain to hear what you and your husband are going through something so terrible. Lana, I will pray for you and your family, Remember GOD IS ABLE. Please remember that. Keep your Faith and your Strength Lana, because GOD has the last word.

    Your in my thoughts and prayers always.



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