Sunday, June 26, 2011

Getting My Big Girl Panties Ready for Tuesday

It's Sunday. 
Yesterday and today we seem to have a bit of respite. No tests or reports. 
No appointments. These two days we are calling "Our Positive Days." 
Saturday. Sunday.
No thinking talking or looking at negative allowed, only positive. 
If we squint our eyes really tight, I mean REAL REAL tight, these two days we can almost forget this mess. Ha! Who am I kidding? I tried it and it isn't working.

On Friday around 4:00 our family doctor and friend's office secretary called. 
The Biopsy Pathology report was in..... Breathe.
What will it say?
My husband left his cell phone with me in case she calls and told me to have the results sent to
1. Our Dr. at IU Med Center
2. A Dr. we were told is the BEST at MD Anderson, Huston    
3. Here. Home.
He left to go sign papers at his office (which he has neglected.)
His cell phone rings. It's the Path report. I tell the secretary who and where to fax it and she begins by telling me... 
"It's Bad, Lana. Really really BAD!" I am floored. 
"How Bad?" I ask.
"What about it makes it bad? Tell me. I have to know. I have to be ready before he gets home!"
She just keeps repeating those words... 
"It's Bad! It's not good. It's Bad. It's Bad."
By now I am like an animal. Feral and screaming. Sobbing. Begging.
 I HAVE TO KNOW!
The faxes are coming in. Page after page after page. I can't read it thru the tears and begging her for information. Medical information that I am clueless about. I have the papers but feel like a 2 year and can not READ it. What does it mean? What does it say?
She repeats over and over that it's Bad finally telling me it's against the law to tell me any information over the phone!
By now I am hysterical. About to literally climb up a wall.
"Tell me now! What does it say and what makes it so much more BAD than what we already KNOW! PLEASE!"
She hangs up saying "I can't tell you."

I go into complete and utter despair.  I finally gather myself enough to call my daughter in law who is an RN and she flies here leaving my 3 grandkids and my son with a rushed message "Watch the kids. I'm outta here."
We pore over these reports watching the clock like Russian Spy Double Agents going over secret documents at the Pentagon . We can't have this report in our hands and my husband walk in the door!
 It would be horrible for him to see us in such a state. I text his office to tell them:
 Keep Him THERE!

This is a Pathologists reports with stains and graphs and medical lingo we don't understand. I call my brother who is an anesthesiologist but is in Singapore. 
27 pages of info and we only make out a few words that jump off the pages. The fear leaves us both ice cold.
Three words jump off the pages:
Metastatic 
Lung
Endocrine Carcinoma

My daughter in law and I are clutched in absolute fear. She asked me if I want her to be there when my husband does get home to tell him what the report has circled and underlined? (Medical words and phrases that may as well be written in Chinese.)
God No!
To have my sweet DIL be the one to tell him anything bad would be horrific and unfair to her. What do we do? 
Do I tell him? Do I hold this secret all weekend until we see the Biopsy Surgeon on TUESDAY???? Oh my God! I will never make it to Tuesday.
My DIL leaves.
2 minutes later, my dear husband comes home and dilemma I'm in is answered the second he sees me. "You look like you just got ran over. What's wrong. What does it say"?
We read it together but thankfully, he can't make sense of it either so we wait.....
Tuesday.

53 comments:

  1. praying Lana, for you both. You are a tough cookie and you can do this. Support your wonderful husband.......

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  2. I'm very sorry to hear about your difficult time. I can't believe how unprofessional the secretary was over the phone. That is completely unacceptable behavior for anyone working in that field dealing with highly sensitive information. If she can't tell you anything, she never should have said anything to you over the phone. I hope you'll be able to avoid insensitive people like that during this time. I'll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

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  3. Whew~ I am floored too~ I was feeling the emotions right along with you Lana...breathee!!I sooo wish I could soften the blow for you and your family...get the video cam out, play cards, do puzzles together..capture every moment...Im waiting with you both!

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  4. Lana, your entries are amazing. It makes the reader feel we are in the moment, there with you. I understand when we are going through turmoil, it's hard to be logical or see the positive. I say this because your post on how you thought you were a tough person until this, hit home for me. There is one thing my mother told me years ago and it has stuck with me, here it goes: God doesn't choke but he does tighten and apply pressure. You might be thinking, "huh?" Well, the things people go through, paths of life, are because God knows they can handle them. You THINK you are not strong enough to go through this, but really...you are.

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  5. I 100% agree with Charlotte. She, I'm sure, was fully aware that you'd want to know and would panic (as ANYONE would) being told "its bad, its real bad" BUT OH OH, I CANNOT TELL YOU A SINGLE THING! How horrible! She should have never said anything at all then. I understand legality and such, but come on..have some compassion on a sensitive matter..keep your mouth shut woman! I'm sorry to get off on a tangent. I'm sorry Lana... But as you said once before...small miracles at a time.. small baby steps. You'll get through this. you BOTH will! I am keeping you two, and your whole family in my thoughts.

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  6. Dear Sweet Lana,You are one of the strongest women I have ever known. I'm truly sorry that the nurse did that to you, over the phone. She shouldn't have said that--especially if she wasn't going to explain what she was talking about.

    Thank God for you, your family and the great doctors. I am praying for a miracle! I love you Lana. You are such a pillar of strength for your husband right now--whether you see it yourself or not. It is still the case.

    Big hugs,~Marilyn

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  7. oh sweetheart, you are in my thoughts and prayers till things get better. i am sorry if it has spread, but you can still fight this, just as our family is.
    much love xxx

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  8. Lana I am so sorry about all this. I agree with the others, she should not have acted that way, even if she was a friend of the family. (not sure but sounded like she knew you well) Deep breaths. The DOCTOR will talk to you about it. You will be told what your options are. You will get a second opinion in TX and then you will know what you guys have to do. Deep breaths. Lots of prayers. All of us who follow you are praying and will be here for you.
    xox Charlene (5995char)

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  9. Dearest Lana;

    Strength = being a real woman.

    A real woman who is strong is a woman who loves, who cries, dances and sings, fails and then she gets back up to try again and doesn't allow herself to pursue perfection, but that's not a REAL woman.

    My family is praying for you, Lana, and your dear husband and precious family. When your are faced with "ugly" people (lab-tech) along this journey of the maze of cancer, turn around and you will see ALL OF US right behind you, loving, supporting and kicking the ass of the "ugly" one. (Don't stand there too, long Lana, cuz it's about to get REALLY ugly in the house.)

    We love you, doll!
    Lynn

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  10. Have to agree with the majority that the secretary was totally un professional and should never have spoken to you like that. Try to enjoy the days together till you get the explanation although I know it will be hard to get her words out of your head. We are all willing him better and if positive thoughts can do anything they can do that. Love you xxxxxxxx Jools

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  11. That woman shouldn't have told you, even though you wanted her to. If she couldn't tell you the whole thing she should have said she couldn't tell you anything. I cannot even imagine what you must be feeling like now. You are a brave, strong woman even though you may not feel like it all the time. Praying for you both as always. Vicky aka jodi63401

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  12. Im thinking of you and your husband all yesterday, when I found out from your YT video, and today. Im updating your blog often, hoping, praying there will be a light in the tunnel. Im just a subscriber, but the feelings you have always left behind are strong. I always smile by your videos, now I cry with you. I cry so hard Lana, and I wish, I could do something. This is all I can do. Write this, telling you, that you have my support and thoughts, even tears. I wish I could reach out to hold your hand! Veronica aka VeronicaSwe

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  13. Dear Lana, do not think it's over. FIGHT at your best and do the best you can. You can not give up,do your best and be positive as best you can.

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  14. May the Lord be with you through this very difficult time in your life Lana. Blessings

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  15. Sometimes we think that medical professionals are always going to be 'professional'. Definitely not always the case. I'm sorry that you've had a few people making this unbearable situation even more unbearable. If I could punch that lab-tech and secretary in the nose for you, I would!! :-) I know it's easy for me to say, sitting on the other side of the fence, but remember - no situation is too bleak. Your husband is strong and has a strong support system - and yes, I mean YOU. Stop doubting your strength as a woman. Anyone in their right mind would be handling this situation in the same way you are right now. No matter what the results say and no matter how helpless you feel, never ever give up your faith. Without faith, we are nothing. We love you Lana...and your whole family.

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  16. Oh,Dear Lana..I'm speechless. My heart breaks knowing what you are going through. There is no words or magic to help you in this matter.You remain in my prayers as your husband and family also.
    as always,
    DeDe

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  17. I have no fancy words - I wish I had - but want to say you have a lot of people who love you even if we've never met you. We feel as if we know you and because you are sharing these awful times with us, we feel like your virtual support network. God love you both. Lou xxxxx

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  18. Lana, the secretary or whoever she was should not have said anything to you. I can't stand people who say "I know something you don't know but I can't tell you." Sometimes, I wonder how people can look at themselves a mirror. They have to know this is eating you up inside and to act in such an unprofessional way is unbelievable to me. You deserve better treatment than that. Please know we're praying for you both and sending lots of love, hugs, prayers and light you way. Thank you for keeping us informed. We all love you, Lana. God Bless You both.

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  19. Dear Lana, I'm so sorry about the diagnosis. I will keep prying for you. You never know, sometimes situations that seem absolutely hopeless, in the end work out for the better. So don't give up and stay strong.

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  20. Remember your friends love you and hope for the best, always. Even if we have never met we feel what you feel! I have been through cancer with my mother and aunt and it is never fun. It is okay to breakdown, it really is. You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers!

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  21. Ohh Lana, I don't know anything about your papers either, but all I know is that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband. Be sure of that my dear friend.

    Hugs & Kisses
    Love
    Shelley
    xXx

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  22. I don't know you or your husband and I'm sitting here balling like a baby for you two. I remember well, sitting and waiting for the doctor with my Father. Bless you two.

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  23. Lana, when my friend's husband was diagnosed she received loads of love and support from everyone in their lives. Everyone kept telling her that she and her husband were in their thoughts and prayers. My friend is a Christian but during this struggle she came to loathe the words "thoughts and prayers." She APPRECIATED greatly the feelings behind the words but in the day to day fight of the cancer, the words fell a bit flat sometimes. So I changed the words to "pots and thayers" and she liked that a whole lot :) So, my pots and thayers are with you and your husband, Lana!!

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  24. I'm so sorry Lana. Please try to stay strong for you and your husband. My heart breaks for you. You're a courageous woman and I know you can make it through this. I'm praying for you.

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  25. Dearest Lana,
    Somehow I doubt that giving up is in your nature, but I bet it sounds awfully tempting these days. Don't. Fight, fight, and fight some more. Let yourself vent and lean on others as much as you can. We're all pulling for you and praying for your hubby.
    much love,
    Tammy
    PS That secretary should be fired.

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  26. Sweet Lana, my heart is breaking reading all of your posts because it seems that you are walking in the footsteps that I just recently walked. I absolutely understand all of your emotions and questions and confusion while trying to hold yourself together for your wonderful husband. I understand the anger and impatience and I wish I had a dime for every time I tried to "negotiate" with God in order to somehow make all of this pain end. "I promise God...if you make my mom better I will never ------ again.". Lana I just want you to know that my prayers are with you and your husband and please know that you are giving the greatest gift that you could ever give to him. You are loving him and supporting him and that is truly heaven sent. Although you don't want to right now, please remember to look after yourself as well. Seems silly to say but eat something every day! I remember times when that's the last thing I thought of but it's very important.

    I will be thinking of you. Your videos took me away from my confusing, sad world when I was going through all of that so the least I can do for you is to pray and send love your way.

    Gentle hugs

    Jennifer

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  27. Lana, I have no magic words for you, I wish like everything that I did. That was the most insensitive thing I think a medical secretary could have done. If she couldn't say anything, she should have kept her mouth totally shut. I can't believe how so called professionals can act sometimes. The only thing I can tell you is, I'm so, so very sorry. Please just hang on to every moment you have and try your best to hang on to them. Maybe sit and look at photos and just talk. Record videos for you and your children. Just anything you can think of to get you both through until Tuesday. You are both on my mind every single day. Sending you as much love and strength as I can. Peg~

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  28. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family through this horrific time. Your husband will be added to my nightly prayers. Sending you strength and courage to face this by your husbands side. No regrets, only positive thoughts. xoxoxox

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  29. Praying for you and your hubby!

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  30. this bettie love flowerJune 26, 2011 at 7:25 PM

    Lana,
    Be in the moment, enjoy each other and stop kicking yourself about the pool house past. My heart is filled with sadness for the pain and fear you are experiencing. I am praying for you both to have neverending wells of hope, more moments of miracles, and fits of comedy as you move on this journey. Buckle up it's gonna be a bumpy ride and you are doing great so far. I'm praying for the happy ending.
    Love, Jen

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  31. I am just in tears for you both. I can not even imagine what you must be feeling. Know that so many out here are praying for you, your husband and your family. <3

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  32. Lana I have been a long time viewer of your youtube videos. I don't know if you are going to read this comment or not, but if you do I want you to know that my prayers are with you and your family. I know cancer is a very difficult thing to deal with. My grandmother has cancer as well and is being treated at MD Anderson. The doctors there really are quite amazing. I hope that you will enjoy all of the time you have with your husband. I am praying for many more happy decades for the both of you.
    Faith, Love and Hope,
    Ali

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  33. Lana,
    Please know you are not alone. You have people you have never met that love you. My heart is breaking for you since I learned the terrible news about your husband's cancer. Enjoy every moment and live IN the moment. Don't forget to laugh with him right now. Find something humorous about this struggle called life and talk about happier memories together. Enjoy the PRESENT, as tomorrow is not promised to any of us. Remember to BREATHE. Love,
    Colleen

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  34. Lana, my heart hurts for you. I'm a complete stranger and yet you've been on my mind all day. You are not alone.

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  35. Hi lana,
    I am truely sorry for what you are going through. As a RN myself can tell you that its hard on anyone to hear the word cancer! You have been such a sweet person and your husband was very lucky to have you as for you to have him. Right now, I encourage you to try and calm yourself down by taking a hot bath and try not to think about it too much. I believe it was wrong for that sec to tell you anything. not even what she said due to the HIPPA law, but I know when you want to know, you will stop at nothing to find out. I believe you will get through this Lana.You are a very strong woman. Right now is the time to be with the people you love and surround yourself with happiness. Those words you wrote I know what it means. I worked enough Oncology to know. I am very sorry. He has a very tough road ahead of him. Be strong and support his decision in what ever he wants to do Even if you feel its not the right decision. He needs you.

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  36. Wishing the very best for you and your husband right now and I am so sorry you got this news. You are a beautiful person inside and out and all of your fans are thinking of you during this very difficult time. We <3 you Lana! Be strong and think positive!

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  37. Oh let me just say what everyone is thinking, that secretary is a dumb bitch, and if you send me her number, I'll be more than happy to tell her so. I've been a nurse for 32 years and that just takes the cake. Yes the news is not good, but we didn't really expect to be. We know y'all have a big fight ahead of you. If you think of it like that, it's really not news. Out of respect for you, I won't put in print what I would call her to her face. The thing is, okay, we know it's bad, so what have we got to do to make it better. You've already started that. We will be here with you, through thick and thin. You have all the support in the world. I'm so sorry this old world is so horribly unfair, but it is, and like the Bible says, and I paraphrase, "It rains on the righteous and the unrighteous". It sucks, it totally sucks, I wish I could fix it. Most of the time I have no idea what God's plan is or what in the world he's thinking when I look at it from my perspective, nothing ever makes any sense. I do believe though, anyway, he does have a plan, and God's still in control. Keep your faith, and I pray that y'all feel God's presence and reassurance every step of the way.

    Love you,
    Pam

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  38. I want to give you HOPE! My heart is breaking for you but I need to share something inspiring. 6 Years ago my beloved brother in law had been spitting up blood and same as your husband didn't tell anyone until it got really bad. I met my sister and the emergency room when it got so bad he had to go. I was in the room when the Dr and nurses came in and wouldn't look us in the face. They said he'd have to go somewhere else for tests. We knew it was bad. He was 46 yrs old and like your husband had never smoked a day in his life. He was diagnosed with Stage 4 squamous cell carsenoma. OMG, the fear. He had surgery to have a large tumor removed and then radiation. Lana, I can't say it has been an easy road but he had wonderful surgeon's in St Louis, and is in remission. He has a hard time eating solid food but there are some things he can eat and it keeps him going, he also drinks ensure. Lana, please have hope. You have so many people praying for you and I just wanted you to know that not only the rich movie stars can survive cancer but my brother in law has too. I send this with utmost love and support. If you would like to talk with someone who has been through this horrible disease as a wife my sister would be happy to talk to you. I can give you her number or e-mail. Just wanted to give you hope and hope you know that although it will be a rough road God is with you and your husband and there is always a chance. Take care of yourself! Missy

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  39. Lana,
    My heart breaks for you tonight. I only found your video and blog tonight but have prayed for you and your husband. ONE THING I ADVISE IS TO NOT LOOK UP TOO MUCH INFO ABOUT WHAT COULD HAPPEN ON THE INTERNET. I know what I am talking about because I have been thru it. I have a child who had brain surgery at 4 months of age due to having seizures, (up to 75 or more a day.) After surgery she was diagnosed with Tuberous Sclerosis. Tumors in the brain and one on her heart. I cried daily for months. I wanted to know what we were dealing with, just like you. The truth is that you can't make assumptions or guesses at what COULD happen. Medical information on the internet will scare you beyond what you are already scared of! God is using this in your life and in your husbands life. As long as you feel confident in the doctors try to trust the information they give you and take it on day, one hour, one minute at a time just as you have said. You have every right to feel angry, sad, worried, whatever you are feeling. My daughter still suffers from seizures. We do not know if she will ever be free of them or if she will endure more brain surgery or if she will have more tumors on other organs in the future (that is a possibility with her disease.) The only way that I can cope is to TRY TRY TRY to take it one day at a time. People say that God will not put more on you than you can handle. I don't know if I believe that. I think maybe we do have to break sometimes so that he can reshape us and recreate us and change our lives. I am a christian and I was before our life changing events but I am stronger in my faith than ever and I know God has used it for his purpose and for ours. God Bless you and your husband. I pray that you can look back on this one day and know that you will be okay. Sending much love to you and your family...

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  40. Dear Sweet Lana,

    I'm so very, very sorry to hear of your husband illness. I hope and pray that he goes through his treatments well and has a speedy recovery.

    MD Anderson in Houston, is an excellent hospital. My late father had his chemo there. He had a tube placed in his liver and had direct chemo to his liver. It prolonged his life.This was 21 years ago. So I'm sure thaey have made great strides, in treating and CURING cancer. They were very good to him, and he never had a bad word for them.
    During the time of his chemo, my parents LIVED at the Resident's Inn, which is close to the "Medical Center". Its also accross the street from the Astrodome. They were also very good to my parents. Most of the occupents were there for treatment at MD Anderson. I'm sure today, 21 years later they have really nice hotels for families undergoing treatment.

    As far as the person in Dr.'s office, she was VERY unprofessional, and needs a severe repremand and possible dismissal for what she said to you. Also I am quite shocked that the path results were faxed to your home. This is very unusual, and is NEVER done. The results usually go to the Oncologist so that HE can explain all the medical jargon, and explain treatment and prognosis. I worked as an RN/Case Manager at a Univeristy Hospital, I KNOW how things are supposed to work between doctors and patients.

    Also I have NEVER heard of a patient having to take their own blood sample to a lab. Thats NOT legal!! For the prime reason being the possibility of TAMPERING with the samples, and of course spillage or breakage.

    Lana, you're a very STRONG, INTELLIGENT woman. I highly recommend, reading up on any information you can get, and DON"T be afraid to ask questions, or question the medical professionals on what they are doing. You must stay vigilent, and be with your husband as much as possible. Also don't be afraid to take a tape recorder with you to the doctor's office, so you can replay what was said when you are calm in your home. Alot of patients and their loved ones get so traumatized in the doctor's office, that they really don't hear everything the doctor is saying.

    I also volunteer my services to you. If you need any explanations or have questions, please don't hesitate to ask me.

    Also something to think about, its EXTREMLY important for your husband to get excellent nutrition during his treatment. A well nurished person can fight and heal much better than a malnourished one. I highly recommend seaking out the services, of a "Nutritional Healer". Studies have shown that a diet filled with certain vergetable, sprouts, wheat grass, aids in the healing of certain cancers. All you would have to do is juice the veggies in a juicer and put them down the Peg tube. Most doctors don't believe in this, but if you read up on the internet about "RAW VEGANS" and curing cancer, you will find a wealth of information.

    My prayers and best wishes go out to you and your dear husband for a easy treatment time and SPEEDY recovery.

    XOXO, Jenny1954

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  41. i know this may not mean much to you, but i worked in a cancer center hospital that did all the possible treatments for cancers. it is a bright spot in a sad situation that they are offering your husband the treatments. radiation and chemo take a lot of fight in a person, and some people have cancer that is too advanced that it is advised to not take treatment. based on the fact that they are taking an aggressive approach and treating him, you found yourselves in a lucky spot that he is still well enough that the doctors think he will make it through the tough treatments
    my best wishes are with you, it will be an ugly road and he'll need you (and other family too) to keep the motivation to get through it all. i sincerely hope everything goes the best for you, both of you. it is ok to be sad and mad and worried about all this, shit happens sometimes to test how strong we are, not just for ourselves but for the others we love

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  42. I'm so very sorry to hear what the both of you are going though. Once you get all your info look into cancer center treatments of America they are great at treating cancer my cousin's father had lung cancer it was bad and the cured it so their is tons of hope out their for you husband. My thought and prayers are with the both of you

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  43. Dearest sweet Lana,

    What an idiot, what a bloody, dithering idiot she was to give you a tiny snippet of information.......I just can't believe it??? How could she be so heartless? You're sitting on hot coals waiting for Tuesday and as if that isn't enough this heartless, incompetent fool speaks to you like the voice of doom!!!!! She should have said NOTHING, keep her mouth shut and leave it to the doctor to inform you of the full picture. She was out of line, it's not her damned place and I am sooooooo mad at her for speaking to you like that. Aaaaaagh!!! She probably thought she can tell you one of two things, 1) it's good or 2) it's bad, but didn't she think that number 2 will cause sheer panic and if she is not permitted to give out information and elaborate further then why not keep her fat mouth shut??? Sorry Lana, I'm worked up but I am so damned mad by her insensitivity and total unprofessionalism as Charlotte has said.

    I will continue to pray for you and your husband Lana, this hell you are both passing through will have a positive outcome please God. Where there is life there is hope as the saying goes and you have all of us hoping and praying throughout our entire days along with your personal friends and family. You have one heavy load on your shoulders right now Lana but you will continue to be strong, you will get through this and come out of this ugly nightmare scenario soon, I hope and pray with all my heart. Much love and affection, Leyla xx

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  44. Our Father in heaven,
    hallowed be your name.
    Your kingdom come,
    your will be done,
    on earth as it is in heaven.
    Give us this day our daily bread,
    and forgive us our debts,
    as we also have forgiven our debtors.
    And lead us not into temptation,
    but deliver us from evil.

    Mary full of grace,
    the Lord is with thee.
    Blessed art thou amongst women,
    and blessed is the fruit of thy womb,
    for thou hast borne Christ the Saviour,
    the Deliverer of our souls.

    Mary, Holy Mother of God
    pray for us sinners,
    now and in the hour of our death
    Amen

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  45. Okay, I have to amend my earlier post. Of course you should research possible treatments and courses of action to take and also facilities and doctors. What I should have said is just don't run yourself ragged trying to read every horrifying story. DO ask questions and seek help from other sources as well. Just that sometimes you read so much that is negative. You need positive helpful hopeful information. That's all I meant. Don't want anyone thinking I meant not to ask or research at all. God Bless You!

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  46. Oh Lana, I feel for you. I pray for you and your husband. I KNOW you will make it through this difficult time, even if you can not feel it yourself right now. I am sending you thoughts of strength from Sweden.

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  47. Lana...I concur with others on here...don't read too much internet stuff. On one hand it's good to be informed, knowledge is King, but it will also scare the hell out of you. I know there is a rock in the pit of your stomach and you can't look around at anything and find beauty hardly. I bet you can't even hear a bird sing outside and notice the beauty. Or give a rip about doing your makeup or even eating. Nothing else means anything right now, but as time goes on I pray that you will find strength you need. Remember to eat. Probably don't even care too much about that, but eat. I love you and have been watching you and "Swearing Henry" for a looong time now. I'm so in love with my husband and I can't imagine going through this, but I'll tell ya...I will be more mindful to let go of stupid pettiness and silly arguments. See Lana, you even touch lives of others in this situation. I pray out loud to God that he has mercy...and there is hope. There is always hope. The power of prayer from us ALL is behind you both. Calvikingchick xox

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  48. Dear Lana and Lana's Husband, Such a frightening time for you guys and I wish I could take that fear and despair away for you. Lana's Husband, I wonder if you know how much she mentions you in her zany and fun videos? She adores you! It's always apparent. You sound like a very strong man but you're going to be all the stronger with that lovely wife of yours holding your hand and loving you with all her might. I pray that stellar doctor at M.D. Anderson will be the one who can help you.. his or her team.. and I send my love and prayers to you both. xo Julie.

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  49. I'm so sorry you and your husband have to deal with this Lana. You have a love that few people know and it comes through in your videos to us. Be strong for each other. Miracles happen everyday and I will be praying for one. Much love to you and your husband.

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  50. Please know that I am continuing to pray for all of you as you prepare for this appointment on Tuesday and begin to take the next steps in this journey. May God shine his light upon you and give you strength.

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  51. Dear, sweet, Lana. You and your family will be in our prayers. We are dealing with the "Big C" in my family, too. My mom (this is her third and final round with the beast). It's a different relationship, I know, but the heart only knows what it knows and feels what it feels. So, my friend, we will hold hands and face this, in our own way, together. Many, many hugs and many, many prayers are being sent your way. I believe in a mighty and wise God.

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  52. Thank you for sharing all this with us. What a horrible situation you are facing. I will keep both of you in my thoughts. Michael Douglas is proof you can survive this. I agree with some of the others, the internet can really scare you

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  53. You are beautiful and your writing is so strong. I can feel all of the emotion. I am with you, Lana, praying this very moment.

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