Typing this out and even putting that word out into the stratosphere brings me to my knees. We have a name for it but what kind of cancer?
Where?
What can we do about it?
What are our options?
I know that our next step and our next one after that in this horrible journey is going to be important but WHAT do we do? Let's get started!
I am a sleeper. I can sleep thru tornados, noise, turbulence, anything. I once fell asleep at a Harlem Globetrotter's Game in Atlanta. Packed house. Embarrassed but hey, it was a great nap.
Lately, I wake up 6 -7 times a night and think "Ok, this is all a really bad dream."
Who's nightmare did we stumble into anyway? This doesn't happen to us.
We're young and fabulous. Smart and funny. We pay taxes!
My husband and I have always had a great relationship but now, we are like two tiny seahorses clinging to each other in a very big and extremely rough sea.
The CT Scans showed some ugly tumors, more than 5 on his neck. One is so large it is beginning to block the windpipe. That's why all the bloody noses and coughing up blood. (Those have all but stopped now and that fact makes me nervous)
Today, we have to go 3 counties over to get the best but also the quickest consult on a biopsy. Time is a factor now. They keep saying that but yet nothing through this has moved quickly.
I have so many questions but no one has any answers. I suppose this biopsy will tell at least part of the story and I fear it.
There are two words I do NOT want to hear.
Esophageal Cancer.
It's a sad day when you almost welcome the thought of "Throat Cancer" as it has a few options. Hey, we will take anything that has a chance to fight against.
Michael Douglas fought it and won and so can we.
I want to Thank each and every one of you for all of the wonderful heartfelt prayers and notes. Each one makes me cry and each one is a Blessing. You are all appreciated more than you know. Just the thought that you are sending messages to God above gives me hope.
PS. Take extra time for those you love. We take each other for granted. Tomorrow is promised to no one.
Dear Lana, words cannot express my sadness that you are both going through this terrible thing, my words are simply inadequate.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts and prayers are with you. xx
(KTGB on twitter)
It will all be OK Lana, you are allowed to feel like a little seahorse, and you are allowed to feel sad and weak, after all you are human.
ReplyDeleteBoth of my grand dads got, fought and kicked throat cancers ass, so will your husband!
I am not a christian, but i will pray for you anyway. If HE excists he will hear my prayer right?
You are all in my thoughts and prayers. So sorry for the news, but he is going to be just fine! xxxooo and extra just because xxxxoooo
ReplyDeleteI am so very sorry the you and hubby going through this. I want to say so much but I'm horrible with words. Know that I'm praying for you and your hubby. Xoxo
ReplyDeleteOh Lana, I'm so sorry you are both going through this. Please know I am sending you good thoughts and big hugs.
ReplyDeleteElleCee
Oh my, Lana... I'm so sorry! That is beyond scary! I will be keeping your husband in my thoughts. Stay strong, together you two can fight through whatever is thrown your way and BEAT IT!
ReplyDeleteLana, I wanted to share a story with you. My grandmother suffered a somewhat debilitating stroke a couple years back. She was an independent woman who nursed my grandfather through his stroke, so moving into an assisted living center was heartbreaking for her. In spite of that, my grandmother worked hard to regain some mobility, and some motor skills. Recently, she developed horrible ulcers/sores on her foot, due to poor circulation. She was in horrible pain, and the sores did not get any better. The outlook was not good. The doctors told us that they would likely have to amputate, which devastated her. After painstaking tests, the doctors said they would attempt to find some way to restore the circulation to her foot, but if they couldn't they would amputate. I feared the worst, and given the doctor's statements I felt the worst was inevitable. Lana, the operation to restore circulation was successful. Even the doctors said it was a miracle.
ReplyDeleteI wanted to share this with you to let you know that miracles DO happen, even in the face of overwhelming opposition. Regardless of what the test results, your husband has a fighting chance. Nothing is absolute, and with someone like you in his corner, he is well equipped to defeat anything. Do not lose hope!
Shelley
(Foxy2282 on Youtube)
Dear Lana, be strong. I know you and your husband can fight this war. My prayers go to both of you. I just can say that, even if we don't know each other (I am one of your subscribers on Youtube), I share your feelings as a real friend.
ReplyDelete"Dear Heavenly Father, May You place Your Healing Hands upon our brother, Lana's husband. May You remove these cells from his body. We ask this In Jesus name. Amen"
I am watching your blog every day to have news about both of you. Keep us informed. God bless you this and every day. Love you !
Lana, I wish I could express to you how my heart feels for you today. Thank you so much for keeping us all updated. Just stay positive and we will all be here for you every step of the way. No matter what they say, don't give up...keep that fighting spirit. We are women...those doctors will hear us ROAR!! Give hubby BIG hugs from me and let him know what an Army he has in his corner. Take care of you too Lana, if there is anything at all I can do, PLEASE message me, even if you just need someone to talk to late at night. I'm usually up anyway, I'm a night owl. Peg~
ReplyDeleteOh Lana ... my heart goes out to you and your husband and you are both in my thoughts and prayers! Keep strong, both of you, easier said than done but Lana I have come through some rough and tough times in my life when I wasn't meant to make it, so keep that fighting spirit alive, even in the darkest days keep fighting together...that and all our love and prayers will get you through! Hugs, Colette xx00xx
ReplyDeleteOh Lana, I am so sorry to hear this. I started to comment on your last post but the words just weren't coming out right. Unfortunately I know all too well what you are going thru. My husband was diagnosed last July with throat cancer and it has been a rough but he is on his way to recovery. You will get through this.
ReplyDeleteNiki
Hi Lana! You and your husband are in my prayers. I promise that I'll pray for you two everyday and whenever you come to my mind. Please remember that God will NEVER leave you. He will give you the strength and wisdom to get through this, you just have to trust him. I pray right now that he will lay his hands on your husband and take that cancer away right now. He can do it! I pray for wisdom for the doctors and nurses to know exactly what this is, and how to treat it. I also pray for strength for you as you go through such a hard time in your life. And finally, I pray that your husband will have the strength to carry on and have the will to fight this fight. You guys can do it with the lord's help! Even though I am only 15, I have seen many people in my life who have/had cancer. How did they get through it? Only by God's grace and strength given to them. Prayer is so powerful! I encourage you two to read the book of Psalms together, I am sure it will bring you comfort. I'll leave you with my favorite. (:
ReplyDeletePsalm 91
1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.[a]
2 I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
3 Surely he will save you
from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you say, “The LORD is my refuge,”
and you make the Most High your dwelling,
10 no harm will overtake you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 “Because he[b] loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”
May God Bless and Keep you.
Love,
Kaitlin xoxoxo
dear lana, i will keep you in my prayers, my father just passed away 2 weeks ago from today. he had a heart attack right in front of us. so i understand feeling helpless, and like your entire life is passing before your eyes. my mother and father have been together since she was 14, and he was 16, now my mother is almost 50 so we know how it feels, to lose someone so close, and the world crumbling around you, so i will be praying every night that you dont have to ever go through it, my prays are with you and your husband through this horrible time, and the only thing you can really do is try to stay positive, and try to spend any spare time you both have with eachother. this is just one more bump in the road, a big bump yea, but every bump in the road can be climbed.
ReplyDeleteLana ..You are Your Husband are in my prayers. I know if their is anyone that will fight for their loved ones is You . You will see he gets the BEST and I know this ...God is Good and I know he is hearing all the prayers being sent up to him for you two. I love you dearly ...Susie ~
ReplyDeleteSo sad this is happening to you and your hubby. Remember, miracles happen every day.. keep the faith!
ReplyDeleteDid you get any test results back today, my friend?? Still praying overtime!! HUGE HUGS and love to you and your Hubby!
ReplyDeleteLana I'm so sorry you are going through this! I will definitely keep your husband in my prayers. We know the C word too well in my family and if I was there I'd be giving you the biggest hug ever! I love your husbands attitude in life from what you've written about him. Stay strong and know you are both in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteLana, I'm sorry to hear this, but know that if Michael Douglas can beat it, so can your husband. I have always thought that your attitude can produce miracles. That what you put out in the universe comes back to you. I will say prayers for both of you and send you hugs, light and good thoughts for a speedy and full recovery. When my Dad got cancer, he was in his 70's. He was a strong person, mentally and physically and was bound and determined to beat cancer. He went through so much. I'm not sure I could have done what he did. But you know, we all, when the chips are down, pull ourselves up and carry on. Please Lana, take care of yourself and know we all care and love you. Hugs....
ReplyDeletehey lana,
ReplyDeletei dont have any experience of throat or esophageal cancer, but i do know that no matter what the odds you can get through it and to hell with statistics!
my mother in laws doctor was recently in america, where they were discussing the chemo shes on for breast cancer metastases, and they were all agreeing that no one can cope with more than 4cycles, so he pipes up with "dont talk rubbish ive a woman on her 9th" she feeling almost fine and her cancer worst tumour has gone from 4cm to immeasurable... shes winning this fight!
whatever is it lana, he CAN beat it and kick it to the curb. you can both get past this sweetheart!
praying harder than ever for you both
jen xoxo
I am so so sorry to hear your wonderful hubbie and you are going through such an horrendous time. Stay strong..he has an amazing woman at his side..and praying hard for you both LittleMissForty xox
ReplyDeleteMy heart cries for you both... know that I am thinking of you and Praying my heart out. God is watching over you both... I <3 u. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you and your husband are going through this nightmare. My thoughts and many prayers are for you both. He is a lucky man in that he has a real fighter beside him that will hold him close and fight the good fight with him. Love you, girl.
ReplyDeleteHello Lana,
ReplyDeletereading a message like kills me everytime because I know exactly how you feel. My dad was diagnosed with lunge cancer 10 years ago. It was in the highest stadium it could get before it would spread out onto other organs. It was a hard time for everyone, not just my mom, but also for me and my brother. I was 10 and my brother 9 and even though we were really young back then we completley understood the seriousness of his sickness.
I can't tell you that he'll be alright because I can't. I'm not a doctor nor do I know your husband. I just know that medicine nowadays gotten really far.
My Dad fought for his life and survived it. That was 10 years ago... It'll be a rough time but I'll be there for you. I'll keep you in my prayers every night and hope that you'll get through this.
All the best from Germany,
Vanessa
I am in your camp, fighting with you and your sweet beloved.
ReplyDeleteDonna