Remember what seems like months ago but was only days ago I was BEGGING for answers?
Ha! Now I don't want any more answers. I want to rewind to two weeks ago when we were just a normal happy American couple living the normal happy American Dream.
Working, laughing, enjoying life as everyone else does.
If only it could be that easy.
I look at my husband and I have to rush to a room where I can close the door or hide behind a bed or wall to cry. I must stay strong. If he sees me break I swear he may crumble and we have the fight of our lives ahead of us.
We drove for miles to get a biopsy consult. This was supposed to be No Big Deal. The Ear Nose and Throat specialist was to tell us what kind of biopsy and how the procedure would go. Instead, he read the previous CT Scans and decided to do a light probe right there in the office. He stuck a very long piece of cotton gauze soaked in a numbing agent up his nose, left it there 10 minutes, came back and then shoved a light down his throat and looked around.
As of now the official name is Squamous Cell Carcinoma of the Tonsils and Throat.
The EXACT same cancer that Michael Douglas had.
He has ordered more tests. A PET Scan, EKG ( to see if he's strong enough for what's ahead) and more Blood work on Monday.
A PET Scan is a full body scan to check to see if this monster has spread to other organs.
Dear God, please let it not have spread.
The lymph glands are 3 times the size of what they should be and his windpipe is being strangled by these cancerous tumors. There are 6 lymph glands in your neck. 5 of his are huge and growing.
Time is not our friend anymore.
We used to make lists of things we had to do:
*Fly to Miami
*Gas up the cars
*Pack for a trip
*Buy new shoes and a dress for a gala event
*Go to a Wedding today
Yesterday, we made an entire new kind of list that made me want to hide in a closet and never come out:
*Buy a cemetery plot
*Pre-pay for our funerals
*Get our banking affairs in order
*Tell his 95 year old mom that her only son has Stage 4 cancer
*Meet with all the kids and break the news
*Tell as many of our friends that we can
*Call our dear friend and cancel our plans to attend his daughter's wedding. (I bought the most fabulous Zac Posen dress to wear but now Who really cares?)
*Find a doctor in Huston TX at MD Anderson that specializes in this type of cancer
*Decide if before treatment begins to get a feeding tube placed because his throat will be burnt to shreds by the radiation. Drinking water will be like entering the gates of hell for 6 to 8 weeks of radiation and chemo.
I apologize for being so depressing. You all know me. I am always one to make droll boring things into funny fabulous things. I can't seem to find one thing fun or fabulous anymore. At least not right now....