Monday, June 27, 2011

Decisions.....

Today ended up being the worst day of all.
Are you all sick of me yet?  
I sure am. 
I can't even look at myself anymore. A good friend that has been thru something similar told me to get up every day and put on lipstick. Do my hair. 
I really don't care anymore.



Weekends are ok but week days are the worst. 
Doctor appointments. Tests. Scan. Needles. Yada Yada
The mask we went to have fitted on Friday is done! 
Whoop-de-Freakin-Ding Dong.
My husband has played football and basketball with pain so great it would bring a lesser man down. Not him. They'd throw some novocaine into a pulled hamstring or torn ligament in  his knee and back into the game he'd go. Three broken noses his Senior Year in college ball. No big deal.

Claustrophobia is another matter all together. That mask freaks him out! The mask is fitted very tightly to your face then clamped down to the table while your arms are in chains to pull your shoulders away from your neck. Seriously, it looks like a Medieval Torture Chamber.


Today: 8:45 a.m. Home.
I give my husband who has never taken a drug in his life 2 mg of Xanax to relieve his anxiety of the mask. 


9:15 a.m. The 4th CaT Scan is scheduled with the dreaded mask to calibrate exactly where the radiation beams will go on the neck. Thy say they will salvage what they can. One salivary gland and maybe a slim chance to salvage the taste buds and voice box and his bottom teeth. His throat will be blasted by radioactive beams 5 days a week for 15 minutes a day for 8 weeks.



9:30 a.m.  An IV put into place. Time to put on the mask and get the CT Scan. He panics and refuses.
My heart drops. No mask= No treatment. He will have to wear this mask everyday of the week. 5 days a week for 8 weeks. The Xanax is useless. I coax and plead and cry and beg and  bargain with him. He has dug in his heels and says No! OMG. 


12:00 p.m. I am exhausted. Myself and three nurses have worn ourselves out but we finally,  2.5 hours later convince him to get the scan with the mask. Thank You Jesus! (How kind and amazing there are to take so much time and energy to CARE)
Claustrophobia sounds lame but it can be so debilitating. 


3:00 p.m.  First consult with the Chemotherapy Oncologist. 


The Pathologist Report. 
This damn report has dogged me all weekend and I almost want to burn it right there in the padded ugly purple chair and run like the wind while the ugly chair and the report ignite and are never seen again by mankind or the decorator that chose that ugly ass purple chair.


Chemo will begin after the G-Tube and Chest Port for Chemo are surgically installed. One will Feed and the other will fill my husband's veins with deadly chemicals to kill cells in it's path.
The report again. God, I don't even want to write to you what that ugly thing says.
The secretary of our family doctor was right. 
(From this date forward, her name will not ever be mentioned in my house or while I breathe air. She seemed to enjoy telling me that news.) I want to poke her eyes out with a spoon.



The Report........................................


My wonderful kind and gentle husband has not ONE but TWO kinds of cancer.  
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, he pulled the very short straw. 
We went to tell his 95 year old Mom the bad bad news on Sunday. She at first thought he meant that SHE has cancer (Remember, she does. She has a mass on her lungs but we never told her. Her affairs are in order. At 95 what does it matter really?) It seems that every male in his family has died of cancer. HOW did we not know this before????
He has Stage 4 Squamous Cell Carcinoma of the Throat AND a very rare form of very aggressive Large Cell Neuroendrocrine Cancer. Survival rate is slim. 
Now we know and now we fight but for what? 
75% chance it will return after treatment. 
My fight is dimming. His fight is all but gone. I don't even pretend not to cry anymore. I am so raw and scared and quite frankly I worry that he will suffer and then after 4 months of radiation and the chemo he will be seared and burned and poisoned and THEN he will die. I feel hollow. He talks about when he's dead and gone now.  Instructing me on what to do when he is...



I once knew a woman in real life that hated my YouTube Channel so much. She told me I had weird and bizarre people that watched my videos and that it was all very revolting to her. She would post about me on gossip sites and called my own brother to get him to make me stop posting videos. She thought all of my viewers were freaks. 
Not So. Not even close. I feel sorry for her closed up mind.


I have found that since being on YouTube, some of the most genuine, thoughtful, caring and most of all loving and giving men and women in the world has ever known! 


Today, I have cried tears all day long. 
Tonight I cry while typing this to all of YOU. You are so strong and steady and I have been sucking the very souls from all of you and your amazing strength and love you have shown to my husband and to me... perfect strangers. I have never been as blessed as I am right now, in a time of sorrow and fear as I am by each and every one of you.
Let me copy a Tweet for you...


savingsmallbiz 
@LanaIndianax Here's today's 


hug {{HUG}} The first beautiful flower you see on 


your path today is from me ;)




That is just ONE example out of the thousands I have received since this began less than 3 weeks ago.  Every day I get notes and comments and letters and messages and warm hugs and LOVE from you.  You are all angels here on Earth and I love you more than you know.  Thank You.


P. S. I saw her flower today as we walked out of the Oncology building.  It had the most beautiful bee buzzing around it. Loving it.
I stood there on the green grass of the perfectly manicured lawn and hugged my husband and cried.  See, I never ever took much time in a day to stop and LOOK and see the pretty flowers and what God has given me.  Given Us. Maybe God needs a warm and gentle, sweet and caring man in Heaven.
Maybe he will let me keep him.
I need him and I need all of you too. xo

125 comments:

  1. Oh how I wish I could take your pain away. They say God does not give us things we cannot handle but why does he give us such horrific obstacles in our lives. I pray for your husband everyday and for your strength through this nightmare. I feel as though I know you and you are part of my family. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband. xoxoxoxoxoxo

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    1. I agree with a lot of what you're saying here but it could do with more detail. They stayed away in droves.
      Please visit Jakarta Hotel Midplaza

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  2. Dear Lana, i am going to spend an hour reading through Psalms and pray for you and your husband right now. I am going to beg Jesus to heal your husband.
    I think of you throughout the day and i know this is unbearable for even a strong woman like you. Hang in there. You both are in my thoughts all day long. Going to pray right now...love you Lana. Hugs XO.

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  3. Oh Lana, you're such a sweet woman. My prays and thoughts are with you and your husband. If anything hopefully this brings you both even closer together. Sending all of my love, prayers and wishes.

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  4. We are all here for you Lana! I hope and pray God let's him stay here with you, but to be healthy again as well! Love you...Kami

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  5. Dear Lana, I kept you in my thoughts all day long,and I pray for you as I type this. Be strong, be there for him! I wish him a thorough recovery, and I wish you all the courage in the world. Love you.

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  6. Oh my dear Lana, I have not stopped thinking of you both. I will pray for strength for you both for this horrible journey you are on. I know your sons, and family are hurting as well, I keep them in my prayers. I know your heart hurts, please know that you remain in our thoughts and prayers. BIG HUGS xxoxoxo

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  7. Lana, I have been watching your videos for a long time now. I have been reading your blog since it first started. I have never commented until now. I just feel so compelled to tell you that I am praying for you and your husband and hoping for God's blessings for you both. You make others so happy and it really just sucks (no better word) that all this is happening to you both.

    When my grandfather (my best friend) was struggling with cancer, people told me to get up every day and do my hair and put on makeup because it would make me feel better. I did. For those 30 minutes I wouldn't let myself think negative thoughts or be upset. I just concentrated on the makeup. Having those 30 minutes (not putting on the makeup) was a little time to recharge what was left of my batteries and in doing that, I was a much better support system and granddaughter. The makeup didn't matter, it was the 30 minutes to count my blessings, thank God for my blessings, and recharge.

    You are strong. We are all praying for you. XOXO Hillary

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  8. It's amazing, isn't it, Lana, to see what happens when you plant a see in a rich, nutrient place, to feed it and watch it grow. That seed is love. Who thought it could grown in a place such as this cyber world, but you have done it, dear. Yes, YOU have and now you get to go into the garden that you've grown and draw from the beauty that you've made. We are each, the bee and the flower you've cultivated and we smile and hug you back as you've done for each one of us.

    We love you, Lana.

    Peace.

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  9. Lana, I can only speak for myself but you have not "been sucking the very souls from all of you"
    You are very loved and appreciated. You have entertained many of us and in turn, when you are feeling crappy, 'we' step in and try to send you love, support, prayers and encouragement.
    Each day Lana, each and every day your life IS filled with love.
    I can't tell you things will be okay, but I can tell you that you both have each other right now and yes, there are hard times ahead and it is hard to see the bright side, but you and husband know you both love one another and will fight this battle together.
    Sending buckets filled with love.
    Faith

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  10. Lana...have been praying for you and your husband...keep the faith...God loves both of you and will never desert you in your time of need. Stay strong Lana...You will remain in my prayers....xoxoxo

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  11. Dear Lana,
    You have made me smile when I was down, and inspired me to be a happier and better version of myself. It hurts my heart to know that you are dealing with such great sadness. I am praying for you, your wonderful husband and family. Each and every one of the women you have inspired and entertained are praying for you. I hope sooner than later, all will be well.

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  12. I called my boyfriend up after reading this to update him about your husband he and I have been following what is going on since day one. Honestly I cried on the phone telling him about your husband I can't even imagine what you are going through. Lana you are an inspiration to all of us and stay strong throughout all of this. You never know what can happen you have so many people sending positive thoughts for your husband and miracles can happen. We all love you <3333

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  13. Lana - I am not very good with words...But, I didn't want to read and not comment. I can't even imagine what you are going through right now. You and your husband are in my thoughts & prayers. I am praying for strength for your husband, strength for you...sending lots of love your way. xoxo.

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  14. Dearest Lana,
    You are truly an amazing and inspiration person. As an avid follower of your youtube channel I have always admired you as a strong woman and role model. I am 19 years old from Toronto, Canada and have truly been touched by your story. You have taught me to be open, to be strong in the face of reality and to enjoy every single day as God's precious gift. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband along this difficult journey. All the very best wishes.
    Love and prayers,
    Kristen

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  15. Oh Lana, every-time I read one of your posts I just want to give you a big hug! After I read this I rang my partner and told him I loved him. I think we take our loved ones for granted and forget that life is so precious. You and your family are in my prayers, best wishes.

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  16. Aw Lana, I wish I had some magic words to take this pain and fear away. You’ve given me so many smiles with your videos, all because of your positive outlook and your bubbly personality. To see this happen to you and your husband is just heartbreaking. Just know that you have thousands of people out there who may never have met you other than a comment or two on Youtube, but we’re all sending prayers and positive thoughts for you and your husband. -- Starrynikki

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  17. Lana You and your husband have been on my mind and in my heart since day one that you told us ...I wish I knew some wonderful well spoken words of comfort to write but I don't ..I just know what is in my heart and that is where I write to you from...I can tell you that each time I read your blog post I cry ..and watching your video just broke my heart I don't know how you did bless your heart ...You are such a good friend and so good to people it is not surprise to me that you have this out pouring of love and prayers .....I have sat and tried to think what would I do if I was in your position and for the life of me I don't know ...I would be mad hurt lost all of the things you feel and it is good that you do cry you cannot keep all of that emotion bundled up inside ...I know you need to be strong and be there for him and I know that you will be and when push comes to shove your gonna be right there with the best of them . Try and make each moment count when you are together ..I know there are things you "need" to talk about but just cherish each other as I know you will And Lana I do believe God hears us and I do believe in miracles and I pray for you all during the day and night . I am here for you if you need me for anything . I know all that I wrote probably doesn't make alot of sense ..but I think you know me well enough to understand. I love you dearly . ✞ Susie ❤

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  18. Dearest Lana,

    I am so sorry for what you are going through, I sincerely hope the chemo will kick this cancer in the sweet spot and kill it once and for all. Although I am not a religious person, I have asked my friend to pray for your husband, and I want you to know that I am thinking of you both. I wish you the best of luck, thank you for giving us love and support on Youtube, now it's time for us to let you know how much we love and support you <3

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  19. Lana-Please feel free to suck away. My soul has expanded since you entered my life through YT and I have plenty to give back to you. My prayers are with you tonight and always!

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  20. Oh Lana, I've thought about you all day at work. And was hoping to read a post from you that had better news. I was hoping the damn report was wrong. Please stay strong and keep blogging. Get it all out. My first husband passed away when I was just 30 yrs. old. Keep going. You can make it through this even if it doesn't seem like it right now. Sending you prayers, love and light. Another Susan

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  21. What an ugly, evil thing cancer is. I hate it. Why in God's name hasn't a cure been found? Lana, my heart bleeds for you and your husband. I won't pretend to comprehend the fear and sorrow you all are feeling. I don't think I have words right now to even attempt lifting your spirits...not that I think they would. I will say, however, that I adore you. I adore everything about you. I will continue praying for you and your husband. It's all I have to offer. I'm not the most religious or spiritual person, but I certainly believe in the power of prayer. That I can give you. I love you Lana.

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  22. There are people in this world that are 'givers' and there are people that are 'takers'. Lana, you have always been a giver. You always had the kindest words to give to others, Your advice you give, just the positiveness you give out. Well now it is time for you to be a taker and take all the love and well wishes your subscribers are sending. If you feel you are 'sucking the very souls from us all', then be my guest and suck away! I wish I could be there in person to give you a hug but just know that half a world away (in New Zealand) I am praying for you too. To a wonderful God who blessed you with an amazing husband. Take care. Mrskef2

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  23. Dearest Lana,

    I am sitting here with tears streaming. Although I may be "anonymous", to me, you are a friend, advice giver, and so much more. I wish so badly that your pain could be taken away. But please know that you are not in this alone. When you are hurting your worst, we are all here crying with you. And to dear hubs,( who I fondly refer to as "Mr. Indiana"), I pray for him to stay strong and get well!

    All the love in the world!!
    Elizabeth
    xoxo

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  24. Sweet Lana, we are all sending love and hope and faith to you! You both are so often in my thoughts and I ask as many people as I can in person and through the internet to remember you both in their prayers and to send positive energy and love your way!!! You are not alone!!! Much love, Ria

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  25. You are such a beautiful (inside AND out), kind, and inspirational woman. I hate that you have to live with this nightmare, but the power of prayer DOES work and you have a lot of people behind you, praying for your husband daily.

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  26. Lana, You have given so much to each and every one of us through your videos. You have welcomed us into your bathroom and into your life. We are here for you. We will stand by your side through this difficult time in your life. Your husband could not have a better partner in life to give him love and support. You just concentrate being there for your hubby and we will be there for you. Lots of love and the biggest hugs coming your way.. . Vickie

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  27. I am still praying for you both every day, and I know that no matter what happens you will survive this. How do I know this? Because even living through this nightmare, you have still managed to keep your sense of humor. I know you are hurting right now, but LOL re "ugly, ass, purple chair!" That was so funny. I am laughing and crying while reading your blog. Keep your chin up honey, because we are not sick of you at all, we love you Lana!

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  28. Isaiah 43:2: "When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you."

    With Aloha ...

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  29. Dearest Lana,you have given so much to me as your viewer. Words can not express your genuine kindness and honesty. I sent an angel to watch over you last night, but it came back. I asked why: ... The angel said:" angels don't watch over angels! ....♥xxxlove

    With prayers of Love an Healing,
    DeDe

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  30. This is so heartbreaking to read but I am so glad you are sharing and getting it all out. Your husband sounds like marvelous man Lana. I wish you continued strength and love.

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  31. Much love and prayer to you Lana. I've been watching all of your videos just in a way to still connect with you and send positive thoughts!

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  32. Hey Lana, I'm still here, the crazy Florida possum living in Canada!
    First remind hubby, in the words of the famous, Norman Vincent Peale, "It's always too soon to quit!" We are not giving up and I'm not about to let y'all give up either. Look what Lance Armstrong beat, his cancer had metastasized to his brain and lungs. No one knows what tomorrow holds. I agree, it's terrible, but not unbeatable. I have seen so many miracles in my 32 years of nursing, there are too many to count. I am always here, we are always here. Look at all the people who are praying for y'all and love you. Some of my best friends, I have met on the internet, later when meeting them in real life, they turned out to the genuine, loving people they appeared to be. Hell, I met my husband on the internet. We've been married 12 years too. I believe all your friends here are absolutely genuine, and I believe there are thousands of people praying. Please don't give up!

    Love you,
    Pam

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  33. Ohhhh Lana, Lanaaaa. I am soooo sorry for everything you and your husband are going through. You have been on my mind all week and have made me think about a lot of things differently. I will pray and pray that God hears us all and helps you both through this. I pray that you husband has much better days ahead. You are such a sweet woman and you seem soooo kind. I wish I could come down there and hug you. Goodnight, you are both in my prayers. Love, Tamara

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  34. By the way, the doctor should have offered your husband something stronger when he saw the Xanax wasn't going to work. Demand something stronger, no time to be polite. Demand what you need in order to take care of your husband. I'm claustrophobic too, I appreciate his terror. I've written medications on my hand before going into surgery, to remind doctors what I told them I wanted. You have to be bossy, this is my area of expertise!

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  35. oh Lana I wish I could hug you. Just remember God has the final say! I pray your husband stays strong to get through this battle a head and that he wins this fight!

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  36. Lana,

    Please don't give up. Forget the doctor's percentages and bad progonosis. I have seen medcial miracles in my 40 yrs in the medical field. My own father surprised the heck out of the doctor's treating him. There is a 4 letter work "HOPE" do not give in. Look beautiful every day for your husband he loves that about you, strap on your fighting shoes and fight like the strong woman you are. Anger, sorrow, feeling empty are are normal initial responses but you must fight this battle for you and him. let your husband know how you will not take this lying down. This will give him the fighting strenght he needs as well. May God and all his wisdom give you the power you need right now. Forget about the possibility of the disease return. I have seen many a patient blow the minds of the medical community with no medical reason why they survived. Please my strong admirable lady do this now and may you always know what love is.
    Love Rosie

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  37. Lana~

    From the moment I stumbled on to your videos on YouTube, I was absolutely certain about two things. One, that you rose above your past to become an admirable woman instead of blaming your childhood and giving up on life and two, that you love your husband to tiny little pieces. I'm only 20, so I haven't begun to experience the beginning of the relationship the two of your share, let alone the place that the both of you must be in now due to something that is so out of your control. I have no idea what to say that would help, and I wish there were some magic words of wisdom I had to give to you, but there are some things in life that no one is prepared for. I can't help crying read your blog posts and if this is how I feel I can't begin to fathom how you feel. I've had family members pass due to prolonged medical circumstances as well, but I've been fortunate enough to at least avoid any doctors office with "Oncology" on the door. All I can say is that I'm so sorry Lana, and despite what little it may actually do in real life, I'm sending every ounce of love and positive energy I can to you and your husband. I know you said that you don't feel like you're a strong person, but I don't believe that at all. Just because you are standing by your husband bawling your eyes out doesn't mean you're weak in any way. If you didn't react that way, something would be wrong with you. The fact that you are brave enough to go with him day in and day out to appointment after appointment, office after office, and stand by him like you vowed to each other on your wedding day is what makes you a strong woman. In todays day in age, so many people go running the other direction for a variety of reasons that are no where near as serious as this. You are standing by your husband the best you can, and there is nothing else any one could ask you to do. I hope with all my heart that whatever forces are at work that are beyond our control keep your husband here. Being the kind, generous, wonderful, uplifting, bright, amazing human being that you are, you deserve more than another 12 years together with him. I know this is just one comment on a blog post and in reality it doesn't do anything to make the cancer go away, but as ridiculous as it may sound please please please do your best to stay strong, and between your friends, family and all your subscribers there are literally thousands of us sending our thoughts and love to the pair of you. Keep us posted when you can, and I hope that this is something the two of you can look back upon down the road as another thing that you survived together that brought you closer together.

    <3<3<3

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  38. PRAYING LANA! I pray fervently for you and your husband each and every day. I cry for you, and I tell others to pray for you as well. I so wish that I could do more than that. Just remember you ARE NOT ALONE in this! We feel your pain, your sorrow, your fear. I'm hoping for a miracle...never give up hope!

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  39. I love you, Lana. I am holding you both in my heart. --Slade (female, New Orleans)

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  40. Lana, I hold you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers. I think of you constantly throughout the day, and send you tons of love. Hugs.

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  41. Lana, there is still a chance...it may be slim, but it's there! I pray that God will have mercy and cure your husband.
    Please keep us updated, I keep you in my thoughts and pryers. <3

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  42. Wish you the best, i will pray for you both!

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  43. Lana, I am 33 years old and I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer right as I was about to turn 30. They told me that it was bad, that I was not going to live and here I am. I am going to tell you one thing that the doctor told me that always stuck with me.. I didn't really like this doctor but as she left my room one day she said...."Let go and let God" She was right, there is really no more you can do, because god has already made the game plan and he is the only one who can make any changes... so just give it all up to him..

    I know it is hard, I have been there...I am praying for you and I think of you every single day

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  44. Don't give up,Lana. We are all here for you and you and your husband.You have so much support from all over the world. Praying every day for your husband to recover and return to his former healthy self. Love to you both,Lana.
    Julia xxxx

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  45. It's so hard for me to read your posts with out crying for you and you husband. I believe and know all this horrible torture our going thru has a reason. I know you and your husband will read your blogs years from now and truly feel blessed for everything you have both overcome.

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  46. Oh my... I hope your husband gets better.
    I'm praying for you both.

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  47. Oh, and some people can never really understand youtube or blogging. To each her own, right?

    I've found a good support system by blogging.

    I'm half-way across the globe from you and I'm here for you. :)

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  48. I love you, Lana. I'll continue to pray for you both. *hugs*

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  49. Haven't left your side Lana. Just wanted you to know that I care. Been following all of your notes. Please take a moment for a yourself each day. It will keep you going just when you feel like you can't. God Bless x0

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  50. You are not alone, so many people love you and are Praying for you and your husband... from the 1st day I met you on YT I knew you were special and so many people feel exactly the same way. My heart aches for you, I can't even imagine the horror you are both living... how scared you must be... I wish there was a magic wand and we could all wave it and make this nightmare go away. I will because of you hold my family even closer, hug them longing, treasure every moment we are given....we are Praying, we are Praying so hard.
    All my love, Victoria~

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  51. im so sorry sweetheart. take it a day at a time, get through this damn radiation, dont worry too much about the future, because im sure there is too damn much to worry about.
    id like to think that you are a rule breaker, you dress how you like, you speak how you like, you do what yo want; well lana you keep breaking the rules the sweetie, you take these stupid ass 'rules' of how this cancer works and you fight it and beat it and have it never come back.
    mch love xxx

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  52. Lana, Sending prayers, love and positive energy your way. Day by Day, hour by hour. Your youtube family love you dearly and support you totally. We walk with you silently, holding you throughout. We will build a wall around you to hold you up, or allow a soft place for you to rest. We all love you and stand with you during this and all times. Love, love, love you Hugs xxxx Eva

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  53. I am so sorry my dear lana, I've been in tears reading this and I honestly don't know what to say, but I just felt that I wanted to leave some kind of message of support for you and your family.

    My heart goes out to you today, please don't ever give up hope.

    we all love you xxx

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  54. Hello Lana...I feel like I am going through this journey with you. I am crying reading this and I wish I could give you a real hug. Please accept my virtual hug. I am praying and I am praying hard.

    I watched a documentary on the Burzynski clinic. They seem promising. I tweeted you a link to their website. This is just something to add to your research or perhaps ask your doctor about it.

    Please don't give up. Praying for you and your husband.

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  55. Lana, I have another long post, so please forgive me. First of all, please don't listen to what that woman wrote about your videos. She sounds like a bitter, negatvie, lonely person. I have been lower than a snake belly about getting older and one of your videos perked me up. You said something about not aging without a fight. Ever since then, when I feel bad about what I see in the mirror, I hear your voice and it makes me determined to fight along with you. You don't know how your videos were sometimes the only thing that would make me laugh. Lana, miracles happen every day. Please don't give up. And don't let your husband give up. When you give up, "it" wins. You have all of us who love you and are praying for you both. I don't know if you are Catholic, and I apologize to everyone for this, but I have found that praying to St. Jude (the saint of the impossible) has kept me sane, gotten me through hard times and helped me more than I can say. St. Anthony is the one I pray to for a way to guide me through something. He helps you find what you need. I feel so sorry for your husband and his not wanting to wear that mask. I cannot imagine what he must be feeling or going through. (I'd be like the Cowardly Lion in the Wizard of Oz). But his attitude will help him more than he realizes. My Dad, who was in his 70's, fought and survived lung cancer. I'll be honest, I bargained with God. I cried and prayed and when Dad got through it, I thanked Him and all His angels. Please know we are out here, Lana. We all love you and are sending you hugs and light and prayers. God Bless You both.

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  56. I wish words could change your situation. I understand it feels lonely and I fully realize words only go so far when you and your husband are living this nightmare. I wish I could physically help, change the situation. Someone else said it, but after a while of being told "you are in our thoughts and prayers"...it can become maddening! I feel helpless in what words I can leave you that, perhaps, even for a brief moment will bring you comfort. I've said it several times in your other posts...but baby steps. Baby steps each day. Yes, prepare for anything to happen...we don't know what today or tomorrow holds... but don't give up in thinking positive. Don't give in to negative, sad thinking... the moment you do, you've already lost. The days are stressful and hectic, but search for a small ray of sunshine EVERY single day. Perhaps it is being able to hold your husbands hand... maybe it is just knowing that at night, he will still be coming home with you, heck...maybe its remembering to put on a clean pair of underware in the middle of the chaos! ANYTHING that you can pin point as a single moment of positivity! And share that ray of light with your husband...he will appreciate it. I am not saying that the coming weeks are going to be easy, but to keep a tiny fraction of sanity, find one moment of peace each day. Know you are loved, Lana. YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND ARE LOVED! We are all pulling for the two of you.
    <3 Lyndsay

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  57. Lana, Thinking of you and your husband today. It's amazing how people you have never met enter your every day thoughts. Take time to put your makeup on, your husband needs to see you doing the normal day to day things, it will make him feel better and not think you are falling apart. I am sure he is worrying about you as much as himself. And for that secretary at the doctor's office.. she should be fired for doing that. I work at a doctor's office and that would be totally unacceptable.. but know that it's the least of your worries.. just makes me mad.

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  58. Dearest Lana, I can't put into words what I feel after reading through your ordeal. It all seems so unjust that lovely people like you and your husband are suffering in this way. Jennifer is right when she says put your make up on, do your hair even though it is the last thing you care about right now and I understand that - it will help your hubby even though he can read what's going on inside your heart. I continue to pray throughout the day for you both, I pray so hard for him to be strong to get through the chemo and radiotherapy. I pray for God to keep your faith intact, to put your husband on the road to recovery. My heartfelt wishes and prayers sweetheart, Leyla xxxx

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  59. It is 7 am on the west coast and the first thing I need to do is see your update. There are no words than can express how much a stranger can feel for another stranger.

    My heart goes out to you today, please don't ever give up hope. Find a ray of sunshine and grab onto it. Please dress up everyday so your dear husband can feel a bit of normal when he sees you.

    XXOO Lori

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  60. Lana..........you have touched so many with your videos and blog posts.....before and now especially with your raw yet beautiful posts on what is going on with your lovely husband. From the beginning when I started watching your videos....it was clear what an awesome person you are...........and now even more so. I wish I could do something to help.........I will continue to add my prayers for a miracle. Thank you for sharing with us......I will keep your words in my mind to appreciate those around me more and not let stupid little things get in the way of the big picture. Sending love and prayers your way and to your husband.....Sonja

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  61. Lana, dear sweet precious, Lana. You and your husband are in my daily thoughts and prayers. Ever since I discovered your channel on YouTube, you have brought me such joy, hope, and laughter. I have loved you since watching the first video. One day I had a "Lana Marathon." I discovered we are both the same age,and we both overcame some horrible obstacles that were placed before us, during our childhoods. You are one of my heroes in this world!

    Hang in there, dear Lana. God is with you and your husband each step of the way. We are all here for you. We will do the praying. You just concentrate on you and your husband. Miracles still happen. They really do!!!

    Please know that you are greatly loved.

    Big huge hugs,~Marilyn Hope

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  62. Lana
    I have watched you on youtube for a really long time and I pray for you everyday. I know at this time it seems bleak and it is hard to move somedays but I must share something that my sister's oncologist shared with her. Within a 6 year period my 30 something sister was struck by uterine cancer, breast cancer and vaginal wall cancer. I think she was about to give up. Her oncologist finally said to her "No cancer has a 100% mortality rate" That has stuck with me and rang in my mind for the past few years. Cancers are meant to be beat. I will continue to pray pray and pray some more for you everyday. I can't be there for you personally but I will add you to every prayer chain I run across. Keep strong!
    God Bless,
    ~Tera D

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  63. Lana, in this difficult time in your life you have to lean on your friends, let us carry you, let us pray for you. You have given us so many wonderful things in your videos, now it's our turn to give back to you.

    Footprints in the Sand

    One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

    In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.

    This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,

    “You promised me Lord,that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

    The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”

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  64. Dearest Lana, I've read your blogs in tears - I cannot believe someone so lovely, warm and inspirational has to go through something so awful. Words seem so little when you need so much, but just look at the outpouring of love and support you have created. This MUST be the most powerful,positive thing in the world, this can't be unheard. I am thinking of you and your husband all the time. Be strong, love youxxxCaroline

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  65. Gosh..such heart breaking news. Unfortunately, I have experienced a lot of loss thru illness. Somethings I wish I had accomplished before their passing was making a mold of their hand, capturing their voice on video, having a lock of their hair...silly but those items would give me great comfort... feeling close to them after all the years pass.. Dar

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  66. LANA and LANA friends, I have lit a candle for you and your husband, so that every time you look at it you will know I am praying for you. I invite everyone here, if you wish to light a candle for Lana and family. I named the group, "LI", just go to this addy: http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/search.cfm?l=eng

    and add your candle. I put it under the US instead of Canada, just so it would be easier to find. The candles only stay lit for 48 hours, but I will relight it. I want for Lana to go to that site and see all the candles, and all the people that love her.

    The Florida Possum
    Pam Briar

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  67. What Cancer Cannot Do
    Author: Unknown

    Cancer is so limited...
    It cannot cripple love.
    It cannot shatter hope.
    It cannot corrode faith.
    It cannot eat away peace.
    It cannot destroy confidence.
    It cannot kill friendship.
    It cannot shut out memories.
    It cannot silence courage.
    It cannot reduce eternal life.
    It cannot quench the Spirit.

    --
    Thinking about both of you every day !

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  68. http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/message.cfm?l=eng&cid=13661536

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  69. Lana you just say the word and you have an army of pink wearing high heeled she-soldiers at your waiting. We are so willing to help in any way. We can't make your heart ache go away but we can pray for a miracle and pray for strength. You are not alone and you are so loved.

    Sue in Michigan

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  70. I'm still here thinking of you and praying. I feel your sorrow so deeply and wish I could reach out and hold your hand. Try to remember, no matter what odds and percentages are thrown at you NO ONE can predict what the outcome will be for sure. I was told 25 years ago that my son would never walk, never run, never play a sport.....boy were they wrong. I sat down on the curb and sobbed after leaving that appointment. Then I made up my mind that I was not just going to 'accept' what they said because no one can predict the future. Today, through faith, prayer and persistence my son not only walks and runs, he drives, attends college, holds a full time job and is totally independent. It was not an easy road. There were many tears shed and fights fought for him and hard work done. My hope in telling you this is that you keep the faith, keep up the fight and never give up hope. May God continue to shine his light upon you both ♥

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  71. My dear Lana, I pray to God to watch over you and your husband. I have no words for your pain and I am so sorry for that.
    Please take care and allow yourself for letting your feelings out. A big warm hug for you from Amsterdam
    Julia

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  72. Just dig in and take it one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time Lana! You can be your husbands rock during this terrible time. You have to fight with him! Be strong and fight for your husband's right to live! We <3 you!

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  73. Lana~
    I am still hidden away in God's heart with you...no loneliness or fear here. It is my favorite hiding place! Hugs, sweet one!!
    Kisses~~Karen

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  74. Lana,
    I wish I knew what to say ;( My prayers and love are with you and your family.
    Love
    Joyce from Michigan
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArAlk3yf5hI

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  75. Dear Lana, My prayer is that Angels surround you and your husband and give you comfort.Your in my prayers. God Bless. Klaire[[HUGS]]

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  76. Dear Lana right know i want to let you know that im praying for you and your husband ,,,your story has gotten so deep in my heart and i want to tell you that god is with us in every moment and he is there with you!!You are in my prayers and i hope everything goes fine ,,,remember god is good!!I love you my friend Lana

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  77. Oh sweet Lana, in tears reading this. You are both in my thoughts, my heart and my prayers. Really you are. I hope all this positive energy really helps somewhere and sparks some small miracle. In my thoughts always, love from London xx

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  78. I'm so very sorry to read about the struggles you've had and still face in the near future. I'm SO SO SORRY. The only comfort I can give - as a total stranger - is to wrap you and your family in prayer.

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  79. Dear Lana,

    I am terribly sorry for all the struggles you and your husband are going through at this moment. Believe me, if I were a miracle worker, I would have saved your husband and all those loved ones who are suffering from this awful disease in a heartbeat! I really do hope that things will turn out for the best and I'll definitely keep your dear husband in my prayers. Just picturing you having to witness the love of your life in such pain and discomfort brings me tears. Life can be such a wonderful and TERRIBLE thing, hopefully it won't end that way for your husband.

    Love, Anna from Canada

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  80. Thank you ladies for lighting candles for this beautiful family, please light your candle and leave Lana a message here, just "search groups" and type in "LI"

    http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/search.cfm?l=eng

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  81. Although I'm 20 i've lost a lot of people in my life, to both heart atacks and cancer. To lose someone you love is so bad, so bad. But too see him or her suffer a lot before he dies... it's unbearable.

    It's hard for me to express what i'm thinking, because i'm dutch, but i just want to let you know i'm checking your blog everyday and i really hope a miracle will hapen for you two, and i wist you a lot of strengthness in these miserable times. Just know that in the end... everythings gonna be alright.

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  82. Precious One

    Hang on to hope!! Jesus can do in one second
    that which we can only imagine...cry out to
    Jesus Lana and know He knows where you are
    and what He has planned for you...trust Him!

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  83. Dear Lana,

    Sending you some big (((((((hugs))))))) today.

    Keep strong my dear friend.. you are doing a good job.. don't worry if you think you are not.. you are!!

    I agree with a lady here that posted a comment "floridapossum" It's always too soon to quit... don't ever give up!!

    I watch your videos every time you post one.. I love you so much and think the world of you... I only wish that there was something that I could do to help you because you have given me so much. All I can do is say that I really feel for you and that I am praying for you and your husband each and every day. You both are in my heart.

    Hugs & Kisses
    Love
    Shelley
    xXx
    My candle is light for you today!!

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  84. dear lana, for all the good energy that you gave all of us, now we send you and your husband light and strength. i am thinking of you every day
    love shirly

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  85. I found your youtube videos when I was looking at a makeup storage video and I got hooked. I think you are amazing and don't let that crazy lady discourage you. I will be praying for you and your hubby. God is in control and He cares for you both. Keep looking up and know that you have many people that care!

    Be Blessed!

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  86. Much love and prayers to you and your wonderful husband. It's going to be a big fight but I hope he'll give it his all and he'll be A-OK from the treatment and loving prayers and thoughts from many, many people. You're a beautiful woman.. inside and out.. that's been apparent since day one.. I wish you both the absolute best. Huge hugs to you both.. Julie.

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  87. Hang tough - you have been hit with terrible news and you are reeling. Love and hugs to you. We're here, all praying for you.

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  88. Dear Lana,

    it's so depressing to see families go thru times like this. I know how much these simple comments can give you strength, that's the least we can do to show you support.

    This year I'm applying to med school, because I always felt like I need to do something when I see a sick person. That way I could help people. Or at least try. But always do my best. I'm sure your doctors do their best too so that everything would be alright.

    I just wanted you to know that even I'm from far far away, I care for you!

    Hugs and kisses from Romania!

    Kat.

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  89. Lana,
    I have been watching your videos for quite a while now, and like many others in the Youtube community, have grown to feel like i know you. My heart breaks for you. You have always brought a smile to my face, with your beautful sense of humor and personality, and i only wish to bring a smile to your face, if only for a short while, when you read this message. My boyfriend (who also joins me in enjoying your videos) and I send you and your husband every ounce of strength we have, and all of the hope in our souls. One of the things that I have loved most about you, is your way of brushing off the bad things/or bad people in life, and turn it into something funny. Your laughter has made my bad days better. So please please don't forget about the laughter. Sit down with your husband each morning, before you face your challenging & difficult day, and read a joke, laugh, smile, if just for a moment. and if you feel like you dont have any more laughter or smiles left, please think of my boyfriend & I, and we will send you all of our smiles, and every dirty joke we know! Seriously, Lana, don't you and your husband let this break your spirits. You are beautiful beautiful people, and this ugly disease does not deserve to take away your glowing smiles & sounds of laughter. Keep them, no one & nothing can take your laughter, even if its a laughter you keep inside. Love Christine & Pat

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  90. A prayer for you to read Lana from Sheribaby35~
    Dear God,
    His body is sick and he is so scared, so weak, so sad.
    Please heal him,Lord.
    Whatever the words I am supposed to say, whatever the thoughts that would set him free, I am willing to have them shine into my mind.
    For he wishes to be released.
    Please give him a miracle.
    Please give him hope.
    Please give him peace.
    Lift him up beyond the regions of his pain and despair.
    Prepare each cell to be born anew into health and happiness, peace and love.
    For You are the power, not this sickness.
    You are the truth, not this illusion.
    You are his salvation, not the doctor.
    He is willing to rise, to let go all false thinking, to release this false condition.
    For this is not freedom, and he wishes to be free.
    This is not peaceful, and he desires peace.
    This is not Your will for him, that he would suffer or feel pain.
    He accepts Your will for him.
    He accepts Your healing.
    He accepts Your love.
    PLEASE, DEAR GOD, HELP HIM.
    AMEN

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  91. Lana, so many people are here to pray for you and your husband. Never think you are a burden to anyone. You are very loved. I am so sad you are having to go through this. I am praying for strength for you both and for God's healing hand on your husband.

    Linda B.

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  92. Lana - I am a long time subscriber, but this is my first time commenting on a blog/video of yours.

    I wanted to tell you about a package that I received in the mail today. Much like you, I am also a beauty addict. Today, I received a package from Ulta.com and included in my order was the Philosophy "birthday girl" kit. (There is a point to this story, I promise)

    The kit included 5 items, all of which were stored inside of a cute little makeup bag. On one side of the bag, there was a quote (much like all of the other Philosophy items) that really caught my attention and made me think of you.

    As I sat here, reading about the absolute horror and distress that you and your family are dealing with right now, I look over and see this little Philosophy bag sitting next to me on my bed, and I just feel compelled to share with you what it says.

    It may be a "birthday girl" inspired quote, but I think that the words can apply to anyones life, on any given day of the year, regardless of if it is your birthday or not.

    Here is what it says:

    "Be grateful to have been given one more day, let alone one more year: remember to dance in your nightgown, sing in the shower, ride a bike, fly a kite and take an occasional "wind bath" in your bare skin. Give those you love big kisses, huge hugs, and the words "I love you" often and always. Nurture your body rather than starve your soul with fad dieting. Spend time with the old and the weary to better appreciate your life. On your birthday, call your mother and father wherever they are to thank them for all that they have done for you, even if you think they haven't done enough. Watch the movie "life is beautiful" at least once a year. Remember that you are not guaranteed tomorrow and that today is as good as it gets. Thank God for every "thing", every "day", every moment."

    I know that you may not feel like putting on makeup, fixing your hair, or dolling yourself up during a time like this. So, I thought that I would add a little beauty to your day, by sharing this beauty-inspired quote with you.

    If anything, I hope that this will bring you a little peace and help you get through another day. Just like the quote says, tomorrow is not guaranteed to any of us, young, old, sick or well -- none of us are guaranteed another day on this earth. So take this process one day at a time, Lana. Do not over burden yourself by thinking of tomorrow, the next day, week, month or even year. Live in the here and now and try your best to soak up every moment - good and bad - one day at a time.

    You are a strong woman and I have faith in you and the good Lord to get you and your husband through this tough time. I am praying for you, Lana

    xo- Cayla

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  93. Oh Lana,I am so sorry that you are hurting.You brought so much joy to so many people yet here you are in pain .I am in tears I never met you yet I feel we are friends.praying for you and your husband,God bless you and have faith dear Lana.sending you a big hug.....Nelin..taina445.

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  94. We love you Lana :(

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  95. It breaks my heart to hear this news from you Lana. You have brought me so much joy and laughter on really bad health days. My family prays for you and your husband, I ask God to give him courage and strength, mentally and physically. All we can do is hand this burden over to God and pray, all my love and prayers, good thoughts & wishes are with you my dear. Give your husband a very big hug & kiss and let him know he isn't alone, there are people out there whom have never met him but wish & pray for his well being. Whatever course of medication he has to take remind him that God is by his side. All my love to you both xoxoxox

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  96. I once told you that you had shown me my prejudism and how I found you to be a warm, kind, smart and giving woman. Today I know that to be even more true that I could fathom that day.

    I want to take this from both of you and fling it into the ocean.

    I wish I could...Im asking God to because He could...

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  97. Lana my dear,

    I'm praying for mercy for both of you. May you choose the path of least pain for your husband.

    I remember when my father died of leukemia and how beautiful the grass and flowers were to me...because I saw them through my father's eyes.

    Blessings for both of you.

    Sherie

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  98. This is really hard and unfair...cancer kills the wrong people...I know that's how I felt when my family went through this hell...I hate cancer with a passion....always in my thoughts and prayers Lana...x *big hug* You go scream at the top of your lungs in a pillow or punch that pillow...do what it takes..

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  99. Lana, I wish so much there was something I could do or say to just make your burden a tiny bit lighter. At times like this you wish you didn't love so much, that maybe it wouldn't hurt so much if you just didn't love that person so very much. Love him with all your heart and soul, though, and treasure each moment your together. I am praying for you every day, just for your day to be a bit easier, the hurt a little less stinging. Love you Lana.

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  100. At a time like this words are just don't seem to be enough. So... I'm sending a big hug your way. My thoughts, prayers, and tears are with you now and the days to come.

    Mindy (keishalyn1 - Youtube)

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  101. Lana call MD Anderson tomorrow. I beg you. He needs the best and it is not in Indy. He needs to be in a large research hospital with treatment that is on the cutting edge. They can pick up the next day. Go to Cleveland Clinic. I took my mom there. You said 75% chance it will return and I only heard that there is a one out of 4 chance it won't. Fight like hell for him and use your anger to find him the best and get the hell out of there. You don't understand because you don't have a medical background. Not all medical care is equal. He needs the best cancer hosptial in the country. I have been through this and it is not for the weary but there is hope of one out of four. If it were me I would keep my focus that he will be one of the four that makes it past treatment. I love you Lana. The secretary is not important and don't let her distract your emotions. Stay focused and see if you can't get it set up to move him soon. Do you how to call MD Anderson, Cleveland Clinic, Roswell Park Cancer Hospital, or Mayo Clinic and ask how to go about this. Praying for you both. Love you...K

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  102. Hi Lana
    I have been your loyal viewer for two years now. I don't know what to say. Everyone is so beautiful here and have all said what I want to say. So I'll send some youtube video links. I hope it helps you. Youtube is an amazing way to connect. You've helped many connect via youtube. And I hope this video helps you http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJNgcvmFR5o

    And PLEASE look into Abraham Hicks, they're videos are available on youtube. You may want to start with http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1AS8vmP3Q4&feature=related

    Lots of love. Love love love
    Caro

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  103. I know you feel weak as a kitten but never ever give up or give in. Hang on to your strength and faith the best you can and we will fill in the rest for you. You are so blessed to have so many people who adore you for the beauty you bring to our lives and who are here to be leaned on in your time of trouble. God Bless you and your husband, Lana

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  104. For claustrophobia related anxiety I have found ATIVAN works wonders. You might want to ask your hubby's doctor if he can try it. You are both in my thoughts and prayers.

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  105. My prayers are with you and your family. Stay strong.

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  106. Brilliant news of the scan-when we pray it works,but the love you two have is so special, its that strength that is the fighter-loving wishes and hugs from Engandxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  107. Lana: God promises this at Isaiah 41:10

    Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not gaze about, for I am your God. I will FORTIFY you. I will REALLY help you. I will REALLY keep fast hold of you with my right hand of righteousness.’And in 41:13 he says...For I, your God, am grasping your right hand, the One saying to you, ‘Do not be afraid. I MYSELF will HELP YOU.’----- ( He WILL help you cope, and give you the strength when you need it.. you just have to ask )
    Everyone who has posted messages cares, remember that when times get rough.

    My prayers are with hubby and you.

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  108. Tuesday, July 5th
    Dear Lana,
    I think of you on and off all day long. I keep praying for your strength. Be your husbands rock and be strong for him. Encourage him to keep going and let him rest on your strong shoulders. Carry him now Lana. You can do this. Your entire life experiences have prepared you to be strong for this moment in time. Rely on god and your family and keep your husband positive. My uncle was 1 out of the 4 who is continuing on. Pray and keep positive. Tell him to take the medicine, stay with him as I am sure you are and call the nurse for him. Try as hard as you can to be strong. Fight like hell Lana and keep getting up and keep hoping. Love you..I keep thinking of you I have been through this awful experience. I have done what you are doing now. Bless the two of you as you continue on with treatment. K

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  109. Dear Lana,

    I first discovered you on youtube over a year ago when your friend was in financial trouble but she was too proud to accept your help. You came up with the brilliant idea of selling a homemade makeup patch to raise funds for her. In the end, you ended up giving away a Prada bag worth 10x more than the $50-$100 you raised to show your appreciation for your subscribers. Your charitable heart did not stop there. Over the years you've given away sooo much and never once asked for anything in return. I cannot believe God would be this unfair to such a kind and giving woman. Maybe I'm a fool for thinking good things happen to good people, and I'd hate to get your hopes up for what seems like such a slim chance of success, but perhaps your husband is in the 25%?

    Wishing you light when there seems to be only darkness, joy when it seems so far out of grasp, and strength when there seems to be none left.

    Please take care of yourself Lana and know that your "freaks" are here for you 100% of the journey.

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  110. Dear Lana,

    I haven't watched many of your videos, yet I cried reading this. I am so sorry. Your pain is deep and I felt it. I hope and pray that good health is in his near future. I pray that you stay strong. Life really is short.

    We share a name.

    -Lana

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  111. Continuing to think of you both and saying prayers daily. Please know how hard I am praying and sending positive light your way. Love you ..

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  112. You're a great woman- you're strong & very caring.
    I wish you the absolute best, & I will continue to pray for you.

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  113. lana i just went to see why i had not had a video from you in a while and found out the news on your beloved hubby. how do i say i am sorry? how can i make it better? i can only say that i have been dealing with cancer since i was 10 yrs old when my cousin died of it at 12. then many more family members but the ones that really got me are both my parents within a year of each other, my first crush and friend at 22, and my best friend at 36. so i kinda understand. i saw that some woman wrote you that God does not give us more than we can handle but she could not understand why He gave your husband and you this to deal with. well she is wrong! God does not give cancer or anything bad. knowing God and depending on Him is all that i can say got me through seeing so many i love suffer and die from this horrible disease. lana if you are a child of Gods then i beg you to talk to Him - let Him know when you are scared, mad, hopeful. most of all remember that He is still in the healing business and i know of miracles that only came from Him. i will be praying for a miracle for your dear hubby and for God to see you both through. God Bless and i am so very sorry!

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  114. Hi Lana, Thinking of you today and everyday. I am out here sending positive light and good wishes to your husband and yourself. Love you both. K

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  115. Miracles are REAL! Just BELIEVE. Trust in HIM.
    Stay encouraged
    Remembering you and your precious love. I know that love, I have one myself. Praying for you both this evening.

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  116. I have been reading your blog. My heart BREAKS for you Lana. I know what it is like to lose a person that you care about more than anything in the entire world. I think the worst thing is watching them suffer through pain and agony because you want to help them so badly and you cannot.

    The advice I can give you is to stay strong, keep God in your thoughts always and talk to him when you feel that you are going to lose your mind or break down. Remember that God is the answer to all pain and that he will help you and your husband through difficult times. I pray for you and I hope every day from this day on gets a little bit easier for you.

    Please remember you are a delight to so many people in the Youtube community. I have been watching your videos on and off for 2 years. Even though I am in my early 20's and we are different in all aspects of life I feel like I am listening to a friend when I am watching your videos. You are truly something special, and I am sure your husband knows that as well.

    I really do not know what else to say because I do not think any words could truly take away the pain you are dealing with, but I am here for you, even as a stranger, as an anonymous internet contact, if you needed to talk or cry Id be there to listen.

    All the best to you Lana... and I think the most important message of all is that the thousands of people who watched your video are realizing that life is precious and are taking the time to get off the computer and spend time with people they truly care about, while they can, just like I am now.

    xoxoxo Nickey
    www.youtube.com/dolcevitavixen

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  117. Dear Lana:
    My prayers are that you remain strong,Our God will give you inner strength. If your husband has the FAITH of a mustard seed and says out loud "By Christ stripes I'm healed" God will hear him, but this is something your husband must believe and say and God will do the rest! Lana you must walk by FAITH not by sight. I know it's hard but this is what my daughter who is a 11 yr survivor of 5th stage Leukemia did and believed. God healed her and He will do the same for your husband. Just BELIEVE
    LADY NEVAEH

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  118. Dear Lana:
    My prayers are with you and your Family during this difficult time...
    My heart goes out to you as I know EXACTLY what your going through. I pray that the Lord will comfort you, and be with you, as you go through this heart wrenching journey...

    ~Susan

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  119. Good day! This post couldn't be written any better! Reading this post reminds me of my old room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this article to him. Fairly certain he will have a good read. Many thanks for sharing!
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  120. Are you looking for free YouTube Views?
    Did you know that you can get these ON AUTO-PILOT & ABSOLUTELY FOR FREE by using Like 4 Like?

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