Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Faith Hope and Love?

10:00 a.m.
Radiation Clinic
Our wonderful Radiation clinic is called 
Faith Hope & Love.

So many of you have written those sweet words to me which always brought a smile to our faces that you would use those words.
My husband has a new and improved name for the place.
Doom Death and Destruction.  
He's a clown I tell ya.

Summer seems to be passing us by. Everything is now "before" he got sick or the present.
This nightmare.
 I have to admit, I really liked the "before"... The After he got sick... Not so much.
Our lives have gotten a bit of a pattern. Up not so early like we did when we were fabulous.
I set out each morning and crush pills. I have gotten good at it. The best way is to put the pills on a paper napkin and take a spoon and crush the life out of them. I add them to a kiddie glass then add a bit of water which will then be put into the feeding tube.

Easy Breezy. 
They gave me a lame pill crusher to use but I didn't even open it. 
My way works. Vitamin B6 for energy. Valium for relaxation for the 45 minutes in radiation wearing that mask he hates so much. (We are going to use it as a pinata  and bash the thing to smithereens when this is over. Ole')
Anti-puke pills, blood pressure pills. Diflucan for the thrush that is invading his mouth which is as dry as the Mojave Desert.

Next I help my husband unbandage his tube and get his cans ready and water to flush.
We've got it down to a science. I can dump that liquid food in and flush it in and out in under 20 minutes. Who needs to know how to cook anyway?
Next we get cleaned up and that involves bandage changes to  Franklin the Feeding tube and I have to put Press and Seal over the anti-puke patch for a shower.
After a shower, I rebandage him up once again and then out the door for Radiation.
Fun stuff.

His throat and neck are getting more and more painful. He's 15 treatments in and 30 more to go. 9 weeks. That's almost unheard of in the radiation clinic. Nine weeks is a LOT!
This is how he describes his neck to me when I ask how it feels...

Poor thing has gone for over 3 weeks now with NO food by mouth. Could you even imagine?
Food is my friend and to be without it would be like losing a big part of me. He just has zero appetite but he couldn't eat the real way anyway. His entire mouth throat and neck are being shredded by radiation. 

I still hide when I have a meal. My new place to do so is in the car in the garage. I usually take my meal outside, leave the garage door down and eat by the dim glow of the dome light in the car.  When I am feeling really perky, I sometimes turn on a CD for ambience. Fun French restaurants, appetizers and champagne seem like a lifetime ago.
It just seems so WRONG to eat in front of a person that can not or will not eat.  I can't and won't do it.

Tomorrow is Chemo day.
I dug into my closet for every fabulous sweatsuit I own. 
This one was too cute to pass up. I needed retail therapy anyway.

I have uploaded and downloaded books, movies, games, and  his favorite music into my iPad and will hopefully have the inclination to write in my blog.
Lately, it has been hard to motivate. I feel this dark cloud of doom looming over us. It's eerie in nature. Each time I go to sit close to my husband, I get this chill that runs thru me. Remember when we were kids, we would say those "back of the spine tingles" were someone walking on our graves. The kind that start at your toes and make your whole being shiver inside? I hate them. I dread even sitting near him for that reason. 
When he asks me what's wrong I have to make up some lame reason why I cringe. 

Get the F off the grave whoever you are!


  1. lana, its good to hear fro you, i can't wait till th day that you blog hes in the clear, i pray that day comes soon sweetheart.

    im leaving you this link to a video, dont freak that its two hours long, its about DR Burzynsk who according to the film has developed and patented a cancer treatment that is more effective than chemo or radiation and much less horrible. i hope you watch it and see what you think:

    much love xx

  2. Lana-I was just thinking about you this morning and then this popped up in my Twitter feed. One has to find the positives, even in the worst of situations, and it sounds like you and Henry still have a rather healthy sense of humor (if not a bit warped).

    As much as this whole situation breaks my heart, the thought of you hiding in your car to eat is the most heartbreaking for me. Eating is more than just getting nutrients-it's a social experience! So...bring your iPad in the car with you, turn on one of your favorite YT channels, and pretend you're with us!

    I miss seeing your face and hearing your voice on my computer!

    My love to you and Henry!

  3. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I went through a life or death illness with my husband and over a series of months he went through days at a time he couldn't eat. I didn't eat in front of him either. He said it didn't bother him that I should eat in front of him but it just seemed like it would be torture. He was so hungry from the days of not eating and you just feel bad doing something your loved one can't. I understand. One thing I will share with you from my experiences with cancer and a loved one is to take the small joys in life when you can find them. Ordering a comfy sweatsuit is perfect! There were times i would leave the hospital when someone else was there to visit and go across the street to the store to buy lipgloss or eyeshadow just because it made me feel normal for a little while. That gave me a boost to be able to go back into the situation and do so with a smile and renewed strength. Just like you always suspected, it is true, there is power in makeup and clothing! And it helped my husband to feel like things were more normal when he saw me doing my normal thing. We knew things most certainly were not normal, but it helped us to feel like we felt before if only for a little while. Praying for you both. Kim kdspriggs8

  4. Oh Lana, you are a beautiful bright star under that dark cloud of doom. Keep shining! For Henry's sake and your own, keep being your beautiful, brave, shining self. I'll be supporting you with thoughts of love as much as I can.
    Fifteen sessions out of 45 is a milestone! You've come so far, please keep going.
    Wishing you and Henry strength and health,

  5. oh Lana i wish i could make this all go away for you and Henry . i think about you both an pray daily for Henry . chemo is going to be on Henry so you must be strong ,and yes it will be hard on you also Lana . you can do whatever it takes because you love him and you do ! lots of love an prays Michael&Audrey.

  6. Hey Lana, again, I'm so sorry you guys are going through this, esp Henry, I went through it myself and it truly is torture! I pray for him to recover and someday put this behind him! Love to you! xoxo Michele

  7. i work around a lot of cancer patients and it's so difficult, but hopefully youre finding your ways to cope. I find that when I'm looking at them and thinking of all the pain they must be in, it's heartbreaking. It helps me to look at them and picture them a year from now, happy and healthy. Picture yourselves chatting and eating a fabulous meal and having the time of your lives together. Keeping the worst scenarios in your mind just makes it harder, and it's already hard enough <3

    Praying for your guys every chance i get!

  8. I remember the sweatsuit you wore when you went to the mall for your "money talks" experiment. You still looked fabulous.

    I can't wait for the time when you'll blog that your husband's all better. I know it will come. Hugs Lana.

  9. I check every date for word from you and worry when I dont find anything. Then I feel bad for feeling like that as you have so much on your plate right now and a Blog post is the least priority. However its our only link with you and whats going on with you and Henry. One feels so helpless sitting here at a computer unable to offer anything by way of assistance. If caring means anything then I think you know how much we all care.
    Sending love and good health-giving vibes to you both and also your families who must be so worried about you both.
    Carole x

  10. Lana my beautiful Lana, I just wrote this to someone not 5 minutes ago, it seems so pertinent," It's so hard to take care of something or someone you fear you are going to lose. It is the true & ultimate test of the human spirit."

  11. Hi Lana and Henry, good for both of you, one third of the way through radiation. When Henry is well you can use him as a nightlight. All joking aside, I wish the best for both of you and hope this treatment speeds by. Like someone else all ready said, picture Henry well and the both of you out someplace fab. I pray for you both everyday. Hugs to both of you. Go for the tracksuit it would look great on you.

  12. I wish you lived close to me Lana. Id help you out. Even if it was just to be someone you could talk to, or hell Id even wash your car! Youve just got so much on your plate. Ive got to say, you have got The Stuff, lady. I cant put my finger on what it is...but its that STUFF. You get dealt a shitty hand, and look at you girl! You are just working it out. You get up everyday and slay this dragon! We are in your corner. I am rooting for you and Henry. Cancer can kiss our asses!

  13. I want to believe the shivers you feel are those huge angel warrior wings settling down and being still while protecting you and Henry. I appreciate the humor you two use, it keeps you both going forward and that is one big deal when you're walking in your combat boots and jogging suits...sequin those combat boots sweet Lana!


  14. Oh dear, what to say. Everything just seems so inadequate. I hope your still reading all of our posts, everyone offers such good ideas, I guess one blessing is that y'all have so many people that love you and are devoted to praying and sending helpful tips. Stay strong, I'm still here praying.

    Love ya,
    the frozen possum

    Henry and Lana's candles here:

  15. Dear sweet Lana, if I lived closer I'd sit with you and hold your hand, give you my shoulder to cry on and my ears to listen to you scream about how unfair this is. Cancer sucks! There is no dignity in any of this.

    I know that you feel like life is going on all around you and you are in a black bubble where all time has just stopped. You forget what "normal" feels like. You wish for insignificant shit to worry about like the extra 5 lbs you're carrying around or the dilemma of what to wear to that dinner party that you don't really want to go to... To think how bent out of shape we get by things that are so inconsequential! I'm so sorry that this lesson is being shoved down your throats (literally and figuratively Henry!)

    Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Think about the immediate moment. Cry. Turn up the music in the car when you're eating (that's heartbreaking) and SCREAM!

    Kathy Spears in Nashville

  16. Lana, It's so amazing that through this tragedy you and Henry have managed to keep your wicked sense of humor. I love that about you both. I think it's one of the things that helps you both get through this. Don't loose that, because you both need it.

    It saddens me that you eat in the car, in the garage, hiding from Henry and the world. Why don't you eat when Henry is resting. Go out in your backyard and eat, away from his view. Please don't do this to yourself.

    Thinking about you and Henry every day and praying for you both. Love you both and hope you can feel all our love and support!

  17. You are both triumphant fighters and you will persevere. My thoughts are with you both. I am always sorry to hear about the new struggles, and if nothing else, you remind me to cherish the day, even the moment.

    Hearts and thoughts,


  18. Lana,
    I, like others, check every day for a word from you and feel very selfish because you have so much going on. I get worried when days go by between blogs. I hate having those thoughts. But I agree with what is posted have "the stuff"...whatever it is, I hope that if I'm ever faced with your situation I can have half "the stuff" you have! You are an amazing person! I'm still praying for you and Henry both. I also agree...instead of imagining the worst, imagine where you're going to have your first meal out together when Henry gets the all clear!!
    Love from Western KY

  19. Lana - you'll look fabulous in those sweats! They are the creme-de-la-creme of sweats! And your Henry will love you in them!

    Here's another tip on crushing pills: put them into a little plastic bag (sandwich bags are ideal but any little bag will do) and firmly roll over them with a rolling pin! Easy-peasy!

    Love and prayers still with you all the way every day here from the Isle of Skye! Lou xxxxxx

  20. Hi Lana,

    I've been reading your blog and watching you on youtube since "before" and just wanted to say you are such an amazing woman. My heart aches for what you (and your husband) are going through. And I admire (and thank) you for sharing the journey with us here. I'm sure it's good for you to have a place to write and express your thoughts and it's good for us - we can help support you and learn to appreciate our lives as they are. Your hubby is so lucky to have you by his side - you are fighting for his life with everything you have. Big hugs to the both of you - all the way from Australia.

  21. Precious One

    Thank you so much that you are including us
    on this journey of discovery. It is my pray
    that we grow with you and learn of the deeper
    lessons God has for and Henry are
    an inspiration even though we know you didnt
    chose this path...who would...but it is on
    the path of suffering that we learn what is
    eternally important....

    "For all things work together for good, for those who love God and all called according to
    His purpose." It All has purpose.


  22. Hi Lana,
    I check your blog every day and am hoping and praying for the day when this is behind you. You give so much joy to others and I don't like to think of this happening to such a fabulous person and her equally fabulous loved one. What your doing now is what my husband calls 'grinding'; pushing your way through the bad times and looking for the end of the tunnel. It's coming, please believe this. With so many people hoping, rooting, praying, lighting candles, writing, wishing and thinking about you and your husband, you both are bound to get through this. Keep running the marathon, it will end. Then you will be referring to the bad times in the past tense; "when we were in chemo", and life will continue on... Keep writing, we really do care about you and your husband.

  23. Lana, I read the part where you said you ate in the car with tears streaming down my face. That has got to be one of the saddest things I've ever read. I feel so sorry for Henry....not to be able to eat or drink. I would be insane without either. Long story short: pair a bullied childhood with comfort food and I came to think of food as my friend. That's why I was so close to my parents. I couldn't and didn't tell them about the bullying and ate instead. They were sometimes the only people who were kind to me. I remember Mom making liver for Dad when he was sick. I guess he was "lucky," he could eat. Or rather gag something down. I feel so bad for you both. Please know, Lana, this will pass. It will. You have so many people out here, praying to God and all His Angels for you. I say a prayer every night for the both of you. I just wish there was something I could do for you both to make it go away and make things normal and fun for you like before. All I can do is pray and ask God to hold you in His arms. And, as always, I'm sending you light, pixie dust, twinkles, sparkles, confetti, hugs and love. God Bless You both. Take care.

  24. Prayers for you guys, sweet Lana. xox

  25. Dearest Lana & Henry,

    Sending love, love, love and more love, positive thoughts and energy, a clear white light of health and healing for your ESP (emotional, spiritual and physical) well-being. Laughter is the BEST medicine. Keep up the humor and smiles. You are both in all of our minds and hearts. We think of you all day, every day and miss you so much. We're all walking this with you!

    Hugs xxxxxx Eva

  26. Lana,
    I am praying for you and Henry. I know this is a horrible, horrible time in your life but don't give up hope and keep looking to the future when things will be right with the world again.
    Laughter and a positive attitude is very healing, and Henry has the most beautiful and loving cheerleader in his corner named Lana.
    I don't know how you feel about holistic medicine but when you can, please read up on coconut oil and cancer.
    Praying for a miracle for your Henry.

  27. As you have read, we have been concerned for you both. We are all praying for the both of you. But remember, most of all, You ARE Fab-U-Lous ! Much love


  28. Once again words do not come easily ...every comment expresses all the feelings and emotions that I feel.
    I cannot even begin to imagine how utterly dreadful things must be for you and Henry.

    But you are loved by many people you havent even met....and I hope that with each message you and Henry get stronger and stronger...people say they are 'battling' with's not really a battle...its more like a long grind, like a slow car crash that will last five years and then, hopefully,you'll get out,
    Henry will get out ...and so will you

    love Diana

  29. Checking in.... Thinking of u both. We all care soooo very much.

  30. I was cheching in..Your both in my continued thoughts and Prayers!! I thin of You both as a part of my family and a Big part of my heart We all will continue this Fight with you. I pray Everyday for a Cure for this Nasty, Dispicable Disease! It's not prejudice..Wished as hateful as it sounds it would hit murderers and People who harm babies you get the idea..Not nice, Innocent,Sweet non deserving,Honest, hard working people ..seems like everywhere I turn It's there in my Face! Like I was telling you in another one of post to you we have a 13YR. Old in our community with Stage 4 Rare Cancer and he's in the hospital as I write this facing yet another blood transfusion and the hard road for him and his Family.. I wished I could take all the cancer in the world and shove it where the Sun dont shine to kingdom Come! Uhgg.. Hope he's feeling better soon.. God Bless and as always Big Hugz to you Both!

  31. Sending you lots of good wishes, you have been on my mind often.

  32. Dear Lana, you and Henry are constantly in my thoughts. I know that you are the soft place for Henry each day and his angel... You ARE getting through the treatment even though it must feel like it will never end. Stay strong and focus on kicking cancer's ass...

    Love Sue xxx

  33. Hi Beautiful,

    You've been on my mind these last several days. It's always good to get an update on you and Henry, although your pain is palpable, even through your humor. Unless someone has lived through this hell, there's no way possible to understand what you guys are going I won't even pretend. I've been through the cancer experience w/ other family members, but when it's the love of your life...your soulmate...that's incomprehensible to me. Try your damndest to get past that 'tingly' feeling. When you sit next to Henry, grab his hand, rub his leg....cling to him like you never have before. I'm sure he needs that comforting touch as much as you do. You guys are in this battle together...lean on each other and never stop. Hang in there Lana and please remember (and remind Henry) that there's a whole community of people out there who love and adore you both. Get well Henry!!!


  34. You are doing a great job caring for your love. I wish you both all the best.

  35. Im so touched by your words and honesty. Thank you for taking time to update. You are never alone!!!

  36. You are remind me of the movie steel magnolias, beautiful & charming but tough as nails, how lucky is Henry to have you by his side! God paired you for this reason right now, ugly as they are, are the moments true love & commitment really matter. Its easy to love when life is fabulous, but the true test of devotion is in the dark desperate time that push you so close to the edge you are tempted to just let go...but you can't let go, you unfortunately are going through this with the love of your life. Your entries always leave a huge lump in my throat and tears burning in my eyes when I try and fathom what you are going through. My big fear is the same, my husband is strong, independent & proud as well and has told me if ever he be in condition where he cannot take care of himself he would take a gun to himself. He never takes medicine or goes to the doctor, and is always the picture of health thankfully for now. Believe when I say I am praying so hard for you & your beloved Henry, I feel in my bones as dismal as things sound He will beat this breath at a time each of us are sending the best of wishes and prayers at his bedside, from strangers yes but with love like family. You have touched many of us so deeply without ever meeting. You are Henry and every person you meet through this painful journeys' Angel, you have the ability to bring light & hope with your strength & grace, and we are with you.

  37. Lana, I am stunned right now about the whole Faith, Hope & Love thing. I have signed all my messages here on your blog that way and all my candles i light for you guys the same. It kind of took my breath away when i read that. I feel like its a sign of good things to come. I check in everyday to leave a message just to let you know that i am here and thinking of you both. I feel for both of you. I wish i could blink my eyes and make this be gone for you guys. I have been through cancer myself so understand some of what Henry is going through. Sweet Lana i know how mentally, emotionally and physcially exhausting all of this can be on you too. How easy it is to become depressed. As hard as it is try to do something nice for yourself EVERY day. I dont care what it is.... but something. Surround yourself with people who will pull you up. I am pulling for you. I am here and i wont leave :) You are in my heart and my prayers Faith, Hope & Love, Anita (LaLaBella5a)

  38. We take so many things in our daily lives for granted, don't we? We don't even realize that our happiness comes from the little daily things! You are so kind and considerate of your husband. What is really hard is the one you are use to turning to in times of trouble, is the one involved and you can't lean on him. I pray for support for you, Lana, and strength, and wellness. make sure you do eat too! I am sorry you and Henry are suffering. BIG hugs to you both. Ahulagirl10, Connie

  39. Dear Precious Lana, You are not only in my prayers, but last night you were also in my dreams. I was able to give you a huge hug. Henry waited impatiently by the car, with the grandchildren. You were all going out to celebrate by having ice cream. I pray this dream comes true--that all of you will soon go out to celebrate Henry's healing.

    Faith, Hope, and Love, are powerful words and actions. My middle name is literally HOPE. I have a dear friend who calls me by that name. She says I gave her hope after her son was killed in an auto accident.

    I pray that all of our loving words and prayers are giving you strength, faith, hope and Love. You will get through this Lana. You are one of the strongest, most courageous women I know. You are one of God's rarest of all--a person who is both beautiful inside and out.

    With much love,~Marilyn Hope

  40. Dear Lana: Just wanted to let you know that we are all praying for Henry and for you. Have faith. I tell you this as my sister fights Lymphoma. I know is very hard. You are in our prayers and we are all with you in this difficult time. Hang in there it will get better.

  41. Dear Lana and Henry ~ I check daily to see if you've written in your blog, and I always think "let it be good news." I'm sure many, many people do the same thing. Here are a couple of thoughts:

    First, you guys are loved...loved by so many people who have never met you and probably never will. Seeing people's loving messages to you is powerful. I know you feel that too.

    And....I want to beat the holy effin' crap out of cancer. I want to punch its lights out. I want to take a ball bat and smash it to smithereens, pulverize it until it is vaporized and floats out to space where it is sucked into a black hole and is never seen again!!! Now then, wouldn't that be nice?

    Love you guys,
    Mary Sue

  42. Lana~

    I love you,sweet gorgeous one, and your much cherished Henry, too!

    Don't let eerie chills keep you away from your beloved. It is the cancer trying to win but the light in you can dispel the darkness that is the trademark of cancer. Wrap him up in your arms and let the light of your love permeate every cell in his body. Light always dispels darkness.

    Keep your eyes on the Son...He fought the one who is dancing on the grave and He won!!

    I adore you and send kisses on your face and hugs for your heart!


  43. All my prayers and love for you and Henry!!
    I think of you both throughout the day, sending you as much positive energy as I can! Ole'!!! LoveLoveLove, Ria

  44. Sorry to hear about your Husband I went onto youtube the other day and told myself something must be wrong I haven't seen a video from you in a while so I browsed and found out the bad news.

    Everytime I read your blog I can only think of one song. I will link it down below hope you enjoy.

  45. Cancer needs to take a hike.

    Sending big hugs and prayers your way. <3


  46. Hang in there Lana and fight for Henry. I named my son Henry because I never met a Henry I didn't like.

  47. Oh Lana, please don't eat in the car in the dark! I'm sure Henry wouldn't mind if you eat in the house - while he's resting/snoozing ect.

    I couldn't help but wonder if Henry ever told you why, when he had these symptoms in his neck for months, he didn't tell you until he was coughing up blood and the nodes and tumors were so big? Was it denial? If only he'd done something when he first noticed the symptoms.

    Please take care of yourself dear!

    - Louise

  48. Sending positive thoughts your way. I've been following you for a while and was concerned for you as well. Have you been losing weight/doing poorly due to the stress and "hidden not really eating"?

    Please don't feel like you should eat in the car. You need the nourishment to stay strong and take care of both of you. He needs you healthy so you can both focus all efforts on licking cancer but also because I'm sure it hurts his heart to see you trying to hide. Part of it is mental attitude and you're a strong woman! This is not the Lana who walks into upscale stores with a camera in a Chanel suit, where teenagers and poorly dressed timid shoppers fear to tread. He needs Power Suit Lana to be his advocate and friend so he believes he'll get better, too.

    Roger Ebert's wife June also doesn't eat in front of her husband but at the kitchen table away from him. It's cruel to yourself to exile yourself to the car. If your husband said it doesn't bother him, then please don't treat food as the enemy. Cancer is the enemy. Not the food which provided so much happiness.

    Stay healthy. Be strong.

    Much love,

  49. Dearest Lana, At last some news from you. I know you are so busy looking after Henry and want to spend your time with him but when you are absent for a while, well....we miss you and can't help but worry.
    I feel so sad at the thought of you hiding yourself in the car to eat your food but I do understand your thinking behind it. I am praying that a day will come soon when you and Henry can cosy up in your favourite French restaurant and savour each and every mouthful of food which will taste much better because you are enjoying food TOGETHER.

    The cloud you talk about dearest Lana and the horrible cringing feeling you sometimes experience when you are near Henry - chase them away with your beautiful smile and your fantastic sense of humour. Nothing and no one is going to come between you being there by Henry's side as you continue your route through this ugly chapter of your lives. You will both come out of this Lana, believe me you will!!

    Your sense of humour helps keep you afloat and I'm happy that you can find humour during what seems to be a very cruel hand that has been dealt to you both. Keep your thoughts positive Lana and Henry, it's a long, rocky and very painful road but there is an end to it and others will testify to that and you'll both come out of it even closer than you are already. I can barely see what I'm typing here - my tears have just started inconveniently but they are tears of determination and spirit and I want you both to stay positive for your own sakes. Weak moments come but they also go Lana and you both have a million and one reasons to fight this monster back out of your lives. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

    Much love and affection, warm hugs to both of you wonderful people.

    Leyla xxxooo

  50. Thank you so much Lana for your honesty and humor.
    I can't even imagine ... :-(
    BTW, have you read "Cancer Schmancer" by Fran Drescher (the Nanny)? It's a good, very helpful read.
    Your family is always in my prayers & thoughts,

  51. I really sincerely wish you and your husband the best for the coming months and all the love and hope in the world <3
    Keep fighting!
    Keep strong Lana + Henry

    All the love in the world,
    Whitney Louise

  52. Sweet Lana, my prayers are with you and your husband, may God be whith you!

  53. Lana, thank you for keeping us up to date on Henrys progress. Please stop torturing yourself & feeling your DH will be affected by your eating in front of him. His appetite is no longer at the stage of having hunger pangs at the site of food. He needs to know you are keeping yourself healthy. Lana your anxiety being close to DH is to be expected but please don't let that interfere with this time together. Still sending you daily prayers.

  54. Sweet Lana,
    My Prayers are with you and your Sweet Henry.
    Thank you so much in taking the time and keeping us posted. Hang in there Lana your doing Great!! God Bless you and yours!
    As always with Kindnes and Love~ your `Viva Las Vegas Friend On YT.....Lorrie ((hugs))

  55. Oh Lana my heart breaks each time I read another of these posts. I am so sorry you are in this horrible nightmare. I heard just 3 days ago from Tammy’s video that you had been absent from YT while caring for your precious husband. I'm so heart sick for you. I hate this for you and for your wonderful Henry. I’m sending you strength, courage and clarity-I so wish I could do more-along with all of these commenters & subbies; I wish I could do more.

    If I may,.. Dearest Henry I am so sorry that you are being assaulted by this hellish hijacker that threatens to ravage your body, shatter your soul and weaken your spirit. May you moment-by-moment receive the strength to hold on to life and love. Hold on to Lana Henry.

    To both you and Lana I'm sorry that I'm just now here to support you. That I am just now here to lift you up, to believe with you, to believe for you, and to believe IN you. It is not possible to convey my sorrow-if my tears could ease your pain, strengthen your body and lift your spirit... If only...

    Oh God Lana, I don't know what to say. It hurts so bad reading this...your posts...hearing this devastating news... I'm shaken as I'm sure many of us are. But Lana, God love your sweet heart, you cannot know what you've done for us your subbies, your cyber family, friends, fans & followers (my husband & I...even my children & grandchildren) by reaching out to us through your blog... By sharing this painful part of your life; by informing, encouraging, educating and warning us while you stand strong for your precious Henry in this battle.

    We can do this at least; we can hear your words loud & clear “...this can happen to anyone...” you're right and I hear you.

    Love you Lana & Henry always,
    (AKA Mrsjustheretolearn from YT)
    Sorry I'm subbed to your blog Lana but I can't figure out how to sign in correctly.

  56. I'm still praying for the two of you. My heart breaks for you sitting in the garage eating. I understand and I would feel the same way. I just send all my love and best wishes to you both. God loves you both and is holding the two of you in his arms at all times. God bless you both.

  57. Sending good thoughts to you and your husband. I was one of the lucky ones who survived cancer, but the treatments were not easy. I can't imagine the things you write about. Very very difficult. Thank you for your blog. -- elizabeth

  58. Hi Lana, just letting you that I am praying for you and Henry and that you are in my thoughts everyday. I check in everyday to follow how Henry is doing. Please hang in there and do not lose hope. Attitude is everything. You are strong and more powerful than you give yourself credit for- trust me. Henry needs to see that strong person. Take charge, do not give up. Henry will survive this. People do all the time. Think of the good times to come and to enjoy together and a happy future together. IT will pass, it is not forever. Life throws us all hard balls- no one is spared- we all have a turn. Lots of love and prayers from Holland. I keep trying to send messages and for some reason or the other I am not succeeding so I do anonymous....cannot seem to figure de darn thing out. I also post on your youtube. Many hugs and love and prayers for you and Henry


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