Thursday, July 21, 2011

Chemo: Round Two~ Tomorrow is Friday

Thursday
9:30 a.m.
Today is Round Two of Chemo.
I have heard from my new found cancer friends that round One of chemo is a breeze. 
No side effects. Or at least very few.
It's round Two that will kick your butt from here to Singapore and back.

We have to go to the lab for  CBC blood work before radiation and then on to chemo.
A long day ahead. I hope "Debbie" isn't there today but never will I ever sit for 2 hours before an appointment again without letting our presence known even tho we had previously checked in.
 
Blood Lab
Lab work to see if you are strong enough to take the poison they are about to shoot into your veins like the last space shuttle mission. 
Blast off!





30 minutes here and then over to the radiation clinic. My husband says he changed the name once again. It's no longer Faith, Hope and Love.... 
Nor is it Doom, Death and Destruction but today he calls it
Pain, Suffering and Heartache.
That one sentence made me cry silent tears as I drove him.


Buck up honey... This day is shaping up to be a hard one. As I write this in my iPad I wonder what the new downside of the day will be. 
A mystery. 
I used to love surprises. Not any more.




10:00 Radiaton
I see my new best friend, Chris. 
He looks awful! Pale and weak.
I haven't seen him since last Friday so I gently take his hand and ask if he's doing ok. Dumb question, right?
( I've learned it's not the question that matters but the caring).
Chris's cancer is in his colon but more so his rectum. I can't imagine the position they must put him in to blast him but he told me to use my imagination..... Oh My Ouch! 
He has taken the last 3 days off to heal up to brace for his last few days. 
He told me the radiation to that delicate area has chewed him up and not in a good way. The radiation has also given him diarrhea. He said it hurts so bad that he cries when he uses the restroom. That part is bad but when he wipes, even gently, parts of his skin comes off in his hand. I just want to rock him and comfort him. Make it end. 
But this is curing him, right? His sessions are going to end next week and his cancer is a stage I or II
which is so good for him. Again, I pray he will be ok.  Chris is a young man who has a heart of gold and is a treasure. I see the pain in his face and it hurts me. 
WHY do I always feel the pain of others? I don't want it.
The pain in my heart is all I can take right now but I absolutely love Chris and wish him well. 
Sandy is AWOL. I can't even THINK why she hasn't been in here for days.....
I'll think about that tomorrow....

Tomorrow is Friday and I am going to make that my mantra for today.
Repeat. Tomorrow is Friday. Friday is one day before Saturday and the weekend. Weekends are a reprieve from Radiation, needles, masks, chemo, Cisplatin, and doctors. Two whole days off. 
But first. First we have this day ahead of us. 
Shake it off, put your head down and get thru it.  
It's one more week down.....


PS. I'm just going to add this here but it has no relation to anything. 
I just need to write it down :(
I am worried. 
The doctors all tell us this can be treated. Treated. No one ever says CURED. I know I am not being positive right now but I'm scared. Really scared. Petrified.
One of the RN's here at the Radiation clinic asked me if I needed anything a week ago and I looked her dead in the eye and said I would like to talk to her. I am a realist. I am a survivor but I need answers.  I KNOW she knows the questions I want to ask but she has been avoiding me like the plague lately.
Perhaps I don't want/need answers at all. 
Let's just leave that right there. Ok. 
I'll think about THAT tomorrow too....



Time to go across campus to the chemo clinic....
I have magazines (OneCentStamp sent me a subscription to Harper's Bazaar) books, my ipad, my macbook, headphones, a book that KarenKupcake sent to me and I even packed a lunch.


This time I KNOW what to expect and what needs to be done. I have my numbing cream and put it on the port spot an hour ago. No more pain from needles the size of whale hooks so he won't feel the pain of that. 


This time I got the prescription filled for the anti-puke patch and the IV Emends is ordered by the oncologist.
This time, I am not going to allow anyone to drop the ball on my husband. His pain is MY pain and I REFUSE for him to be hurt anymore than is absolutely necessary. 
I'm telling you, seeing someone you love hurt this way is like a physical pain. Maybe worse. When I see my skinny, sweet, sick husband wince in pain I want to do damage to someone.  
The blood was drawn and will have been tested by the time we get there to see if he is healthy enough for chemo.



10:30 a.m.
It's time.
Let's Roll.
We arrive on time and whoop-dee-do we only have to wait 35 minutes to get in and we choose a lovely puke-green luxury recliner for the day. We see the same couple from NY that we met here last week. Her husband has the same cancer as Henry but when I ask what Stage it is, they don't know so call over an RN who charts it and declares to them that he is a Stage I or II
No lymph nodes involved and nothing has spread. 
Lucky guy. 
My husband is Stage IV High Grade 4 with lymph nodes involved. All the lymph nodes in his neck.
*sigh* I'll think about that tomorrow too. 
Not now.


They apply the anti-nausea patch and hook up the IV to the port. In goes the anti-nausea drip and the steroids then the 
saline flush and then Cisplatin.  It's one minute per ounce for the chemo. He's at 90 ounces so 90 minutes to administer that then one more saline flush and we will be out the door. 
Total time. 6 hours.
We play games, whisper to each other while holding hands and play "Unchained Melody" on my iPad which was our wedding song. It brings us both to tears but no one notices. A nurse walks by and tells us how cute we are together. We both cry silent tears as we smile inside our hearts.  We have always been told that and it makes me happy. 
Maybe thru all of this we still have it together? 
Yes. We do.

5:00 p.m.
Home
Time to feed Franklin. He hasn't "eaten" all day. His color is once again a dull dark gray.  The color of coddled cottage cheese on a hot hot day.
Henry just told me he feels like hurling. I bring a lined new trash can to sit by the bedside. 
This may be a really rough evening.
Barf bags thankfully don't bother me.  Blood does.
I am used to being puked on so this one I can handle.
He has a triple threat going on so hopefully, for his sake, he won't feel ill. 
He has the IV Emends in his system. 
He has the new puke patch on his arm.
He has anti-nausea pills to be crushed and put in the tube. 
Cross your fingers... This may be a bumpy ride.


I want to write this to all of you:


Thank You again. All of your your notes,  the amazing candle site started by FloridaPossum, your beautiful comments, letters of hope and love and especially just for being here. 
Most all of you, I have not met but each one of you are now my family.  I have never felt so much love and support from anyone as I do from each and every one of you. 
I feel you everyday. 
I feel you pushing us. 
I feel you with us. 
I feel your kindness and open hearts.
I feel your well wishes and so does Henry. 
I know you are here. I know you care and what more is there? Nothing.  
They say you can measure the worth of a person by their friends and how they are loved. I am so rich right now. Not with money or treasures of riches but rich with treasures of FRIENDS and that is WEALTH. I am Blessed and YOU are all my Blessing. 
You have a large piece of my heart.


Now I need to go dry my eyes, blow my nose and put on some pink lipstick. 
Tomorrow is Friday!








102 comments:

  1. Bless you Lana xxx

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  2. You and Henry have our hearts and our prayers Lana. Hold on to the good and just let the bad go. I will keep on praying for the both of you. I love your I hate cancer tag, I hate it too, for what it does to everyone who is touched by it. Only one more day to the weekend and you both can rest as best as you can. Take care.

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  3. Dear Lana , I pray for you and Henry each and every night. I could not imagine the battle that you are up against . I know that you will see that he gets the BEST in every aspect. And the love you two have for each other is just going to grow just when you think you couldn't possibly love anymore you find yourself loving them more. I so wish there was something I could do for you. If I lived near I would. You are Henry are in my thoughts and I am sending you Big Hugs and Good Positive Energy. I am glad that the weekend will soon be here. Enjoy each moment with each other as I know you already do. I love you dearly. Susie ღ

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  4. Lana, You have been such a brave lady for Henry! I know he feels you close to his side all the time and that gives him comfort to know he is not going through this alone. Yes, we are with you both and will continue to support you through all of this journey. We are there for you whenever you need us. I thought it was so cool when the nurse told you that you were so cute together. It reminded me of me and my husband. We get told that all the time too. Much love to you and Henry!

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  5. Thinking of you both and your family every day <3

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  6. I know you are doing your best to be strong and positive for your darling Henry.

    Instead of Pain Suffering and Heartache I think you both should sing the old hee haw song, "Gloom Despair and Agony on me" as you are driving up. It's always better to laugh!

    Many prayers are with you and Henry love.

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  7. Hang in there Lana. You are so brave, and so is your husband.

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  8. Oh Lana- you are not alone. All your fears are my fears- what are they not saying? My husband is Stage 4 too. Wishing you strength and much love.
    Weeie1957
    xoxoxoxoxo

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  9. be strong Lana ,yes its gonna get rough ! i'm sending you and Henry love,strength and prays ! so much of this is a day to day battle that just will came down to Henrys pure will fight!! i have been in your shoes with father , so i know cancer can be beat !!

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  10. TGIF!! l, too, think and pray for your family daily as you are not far from my thoughts. i have read the book you spoke of and loved it. You are such a strong lady. God bless you Lana, please take care of yourself and sweet Henry. ~ Kim Oh, tell Chris he is in our prayers.

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  11. Thanks for the updates, Sweet Lana!! I was getting so concerned that you had not written that I was sure something else was wrong -- THANK GOD I was wrong!

    I love you and Henry and will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers until he's healed -- and THEN, we can just pray he stay healthy :)

    HUGE hugs and lots of love to you! Hope the night isn't as bad as you're thinking it might be -- but if it IS, you've got us right next to you!!! XXXOOO

    Love,
    Moya
    Can't remember how to log in, sorry!!

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  12. The only thing I want to say to you today is that I love you. Stay strong my friend. -Emily

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  13. Hi Lana, I am not(yet) a subscriber of yours but I have watched many of your videos. I was sorry to hear about your husband's illness but so thankful that you are sharing this journey with people who love and care about you. It makes me appreciate my husband more and to stop obsessing over handbags that don't love me back. Thank you for showing us how to walk through a storm....may the peace of God be with you and Henry!

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  14. Oh Lana, every afternoon your blog is the first stop I make to see if you've posted an update. After reading your Thursday post, I'm so teary-eyed that I can barely see to type this. I am praying that Almighty God will hold you and Henry in his hand and give you both the strength and courage to continue this battle. I heard a sermon recently about looking for Heaven here on earth. You are Henry's Heaven in that room with the fashionable green recliner. While he endures what he must, his angel sits next to him and he sees the love in your heart. Take care, friend, and stay strong.

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  15. You are so sweet and in my heart! I understand what you mean about feeling the pain of others. I support you in all you do for Henry and am so glad you stand up for him. Always make your presence known to them at the facilities. That is what I've always done for my husband when he's been in the hospital, if we don't stand up for them...who will. Love you Lana! Huge Hugs to you and Henry!!

    Peggy~

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  16. Oh my Lana! You are the strongest woman I know! I admire you. Henry is lucky to have you. Way to advocate and take charge! Now it is my turn to dry my eyes and blow my nose! But I think I am going with a bronzy nude Lipgloss instead. Prayers! Stacie xoxo

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  17. Sweet Lana, I've been going through my files to find any and all resources I give my patients when facing serious illness (when I feel helpless, I go into shrink mode...lol). This is a good one: http://www.fxckfeelings.com/2011/07/21/cancer-answers/ Sending tons of love, prayers, and hope your way. Thank you for keeping us posted - many of us check in every day to hear how you and Henry are doing. Much love, Tammy

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  18. Lana, I hope you know how much you mean to me and my family, we feel you are a part of ours. I ache for you and send you my love. Justin and I are thinking of you

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  19. lana you bugger, you made me cry! i wish you so much good luck and health, i really care about what happens to you because you are both clearly good people.

    dont worry one little bit about them saying "treated" not cured, according to the mother in law (breast cancer spread to the liver) once they have found it in your lymph nodes they never tell you you are cured. its just because they dont know if any cells have moved. but if its not visible and not bothering you who the hell cares, that sounds cured to me. henry's going to get there.
    hang in there sweetheart.
    much love
    jen xoxo

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  20. Sending love, prayers, and hope your way...always.
    I never figured out how to light a flippin' candle, but I pray for the best for all of you.

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  21. Oh Lana I totally feel your pain. I am so sorry that you are both going through this hell. I pray for the day when I see a blog notice that all this is over and Henry is on his way back to recovery! Unchained Melody has a soft spot in my heart! It was my mother and fathers song. Whenever my father and I hear it we both get tears in our eyes. Now when I hear it I will think of them, and also think of you and Henry. You know how you say that you are lucky to have all of us, well my friend we are pretty lucky to have someone like you in our lives. You sharing your life with us is pretty special. When I read your posts I feel like you are actually talking to me. I went on YouTube the other day and re watched a bunch of your videos. I love to see your beautiful face. I remember the first time I watched one of your videos I could not believe what an amazing person you are. Beauty not only outside but in as well. You have that open and loving personality where people just want to get to know you. I am sure that is why Henry fell in love with you. I am sure it has nothing to do with your gorgeous blonde locks and sexy shoes! : ) Thank you for keeping us updated on Henry's progress. I am happy that today is over for you. Tomorrow as you know is Friday. Until next time, my love and prayers are with you! xoxoxo Kathy

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  22. Sending you lots of love and light. I pray for you and your family every night. Hugs & God Bless.

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  23. You are one strong lady and you are just amazing, I am always thinking of you both and hoping for good days and positive reports from the doctors.
    Alexis

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  24. You are so strong,it amazes me. My Mom always says that during times of need, your true strength comes through. Lana,we can all see your true strength now. Through the tears,and the (possible) tantrums...wanting to rip someones face off etc...you are so so strong! You keep your chin up and keep pushing forward!! What would Coach say again?? You got this... I am praying for you nightly. Hugs and Lots of Love.

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  25. Hi Lana,

    I wanted to let you know that I've been reading your blog for some time now. I think about you and your husband every single day and just wanted to share my experiences with you, because I can relate to a degree.

    My grandmother was only around 60 when she passed away. She was the most loving, caring, compassionate person I have met to date. She was diagnosed with Stage IV Cervical Cancer after an ER trip due to "food poisoning." Her gyno never told her she had cancer, although he had known. We all thought she was getting better, she was looking strong and healthy after over a year of treatment. She passed away one day after a scan to make sure nothing had spread, but it already did.

    It's a hard thing to deal with, and I feel for you every single day. You're truly a great person, and I can tell you love your husband very much. He seems so strong. He will be on his way to recovery soon.


    Keeping you in my thoughts, Lana.

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  26. TGIF!
    Thinking of you guys, sending you our best wishes & quick recovery vibes!
    Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day.
    Get some rest this weekend,
    xoxo

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  27. “The only thing that stops the desperation, the uncertainties, the insecurities, the twirling...is for the Spirit of God to lay across your heart and make it still. The blanket of His presence and His protection is the only perfect fit for the deep creases and crevices carved inside you.” God's Blessings upon you and your husband. With warmest aloha ...

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  28. Fight! Fight! Fight! You guys are strong and have each other. Lots of love!! How are your children handling all of this?

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  29. Keep updating us. We are here for you.
    Tammi Marie

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  30. Sending love, love, love and more and more and more love. One of my spiritual teachers told me to "daydream" what I want my life to be - happy, positive, fulfilled, with good family and friends. Put the mental picture out there and the universe will give it back to you. Let's give the universe only good to send back. Keep your ESP (emotional, spiritual, physical) strong! We are all here holding you and Henry up, we won't let you go! Love you so much - Hugs xxxxx Eva

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  31. I just weep through every blog entry... but I would never not read your words.. I want to help take away just a moment of your pain, Henry's pain... I feel like by reading every single word I am taking away the tinest bit and allowing you both to keep that strength to continue to fight with.

    I love you Lana and I love Henry.. for being that "man" for Lana through all the years... you ARE the cutest couple.. you are now and will continue to be... hold on to each other and hold on to all of us that are here for you and Praying for you every minute of every day... hold on!

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  32. Lana,
    I am praying for you and Henry. I read your blog and admire how strong you are for your husband. I just want to remind you to make sure that when you go to the garage to eat,eat something healthy. I know that you are the last thing on your mind. Basically, I just want to remind you to take care of you, so you can continue to be strong for Henry. Ixchel64

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  33. I'm so proud of you!!

    Love you

    Natalie

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  34. TGIF Lana and Henry!!! Thanks again for sharing your lives with us all. I am putting Chris and Sandy on my prayer list too. Just the fact that you have enough energy and love to reach out and care about people that you have just met while going through your own personal hell shows what a precious person you are. God will bless you because of your love and concern for others. Henry is so blessed to have you by his side.

    I would love to have you post a picture of you holding Henry's hand...we could all keep it handy while we are praying for you both.

    Love and hugs to you both...and Chris, and Sandy. And yes, even Debbie! But my prayers for her is that she become better at her job!! HA!
    Sandee

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  35. This week has been a crazy week for me so I had to catch up on your last 2 blog entries. I went in yesterday to have a ultrasound on my upper abdomen and kidney cause i've had pain and they find something on my kidney and don't know if its on or in my kidney :( I had a CT scan done today but since it was so late in the day I have to wait yet another day for answers. I'm looking forward to Friday myself hoping for answers and praying that whatever it is with my kidney that's not serious. I have to keep telling myself RELAX! God's in control!!! but sometimes my anxiety keeps getting in the way of my faith. I'm sure out of all people you and Henry can relate. I have to continue with my faith and keep positive thoughts. I will continue to pray for the both of yall as well as myself now! XO

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  36. God Bless You and Henry..

    Big Hugs of Healing.
    DeDe

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  37. Well I'm drinking a decent Cabernet and toasting to you two love birds. :) Tonight I will apply my Lilash, (that I had to buy because of you), then when I go to sleep I will petition God for Henry.

    Love you guys,

    a very lonesome floridapossum stuck on the ice flow

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  38. Lana, did your cough and twitching eyebrow go away?
    I say a prayer for you and Henry every day.
    Right now is ok and it will always be right now.

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  39. You both sound like such a cute couple. Everyday I pray and pray for you. Sending You and Henry lot's of positive healing energy. Love and hugs!

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  40. Dear Lana , I cried with you. I pray for you and Henry each and every night. You and Henry have our hearts and our prayers.
    My best energies I send for you.

    Xoxo
    Janaina and João from BRAZIL.

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  41. Lana,
    I send my best wishes to Henry and you, I pray that God brings him back to health soon. Stay strong, Henry needs you.
    Please remember we love you guys and always keep you in our prayers.
    Zahra

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  42. Oh Lana once again you have me in tears. I feel your pain so much. That Chemo is going to be rough too. but having to do both at once is unimaginable. Like i said in my email to you i wish i could suck this disease out of your husband and spit it on a pedophile or child killer. Its just not right the cards we are dealt sometimes. I remember those horrible recliners very well. I had a wonderful Chemo Dr. that was when i lived back in Minneapolis. Ross Seimers I will never forget him i will forever be indebted to him for saving my life. I remember those chemo drugs all to well. You could feel that poison as soon as it hit your veins and the taste. I dont know why but as soon as they pumped my veins full of that stuff i could taste it and one of them used to make me urinate red for like the first 1/2 hour to hour after treatment. You are right those chemo rooms suck!!!! for lots of reasons most important reason is because of why you are there but they are so damn cold and why dont they try and spruce those places up a bit since you have to spend so much time in them. I never did get that. Jeepers why cant they give the cancer patients a more cheerful surrounding to be in its bad enough just being there already. I tell you though Lana I had a good vibe today. I cant explain it i just did. Something i havent felt for a very, very long time. So i am sending it your way. I asked my mom God Bless her soul to watch over Henry and help him pull through this. I have been praying to God and lighting the candles on the site and also at home here for you and Henry and also in rememberance of Mom & my 2 Grannies. Dear God please watch over Henry and help him get through his battle with cancer. Please help him through his pain and despair. Send him your healingh touch and surround him with your love. I know you guys dont feel it right now but i am going to keep saying it because i believe it... Faith, Hope and Love, Anita

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  43. Dear Lana,

    Always, you and your husband are ALWAYS in my heart and in my prayers at all times.
    I so look forward to your updates on how things are going. I'm happy to read your blog today. Keep strong my friend... you are doing so wonderful!!

    You are right... even though I have never met you guys... I love you both so much. You have very big place in my heart.

    I'm praying for Henry and that his throat will not be so sore and burn so bad... may the pain of all this process be light and not so difficult.

    "May the LORD answer you in the day of trouble;
    May the name of the God of Jacob defend you;
    May He send you help from the sanctuary,
    And strengthen you out of Zion;
    May He remember all your offerings,
    And accept your burnt sacrifice. Selah
    May He grant you according to your heart's desire,
    And fulfill all your purpose. Psalm 20:1-4"

    May God continue to be ever by your side.

    I am always praying for you two.

    Sending you and your husband some very big Hugs and Kisses,
    Love,
    Shelley
    xXx

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  44. I hope you and Henry are sleeping well tonight, rest in God's hands.....

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  45. sending love to you and Henry xxxxxxxx

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  46. Dearest Lana, How my heart aches for you going through this with your beloved Henry. I don't get it Lana when you think of how many evil people there are in this world who go around seemingly healthy yet good people, wonderful and loving people like you and Henry have to suffer in this way. I know eventually the bad ones will suffer Divine Judgement but that is little consolation reading your painful experience. I can feel your pain Lana, I know so well what you mean when you say you want to do damage to someone when you see Henry wince in pain. I felt like that when my mother was going through her cancer.

    Lana sweetheart, you are an outstanding woman, a woman with amazing courage and mental strength and I am so proud of you and happy for Henry that he has you by his side because you are just what he needs, even though you may not feel so strong inside. As for the words cured, treated....don't be pedantic, don't put more load on yourself sweetheart. What matters most is your attitude. Henry needs you just as much (perhaps more) than he needs his chemo and radiotherapy. It is YOU that is fighting with him, for him. It is YOU who drives him forward, YOU are his lifeguard right now. He has the perfect wife with the perfect attitude. That's the spirit Lana dear!!!

    A few words for Henry - you're going to get through this Henry, YOU DAMNED WELL ARE!!! It's going to get uglier but it is also going to get better and you have to keep that in your sights, for your own sake and for your adorable Lana. The right attitude counts for 50% of your prognosis/treatment and days will come when you think you can't do it anymore but you can AND YOU WILL. By the grace of God, you will be sitting one day soon with your beloved wife and will look at all this as a foul memory, a bad dream. My deepest love and heartfelt wishes to you both, you two beautiful people. Leyla xxxooo

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  47. Thank you for another update Lana, I think of you and Henry every day, and I pray and hope every day too. I understand your anger and I think you are so so strong, Henry is lucky too have you in his corner. I can't imagine how it must be for you to go through all this but I hope you feel all our love and I hope that it helps you keep on fighting and supporting Henry.

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  48. You and Henry can chill the whole weekend now! Hope you have your AC on, if it's hot there!

    Your new friend Chris has the kind of cancer that the beautiful, talented Farrah Fawcett had. I remember the gossip mags and online gossip sites made a big deal of it that it was located in that highly personal area. But Chris is young and at stage 1-2 so he has a very good shot at beating the disease.

    Take care and remember to eat -- and not in your car!! Henry would not want you doing that!

    - Louise

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  49. Lana - this is a very bumpy journey that you and Henry are on, but you've got lots of back seat passengers on the bus with you and we're all helping it move. Please know that we are with you in spirit every day as you two have to get so intimately acquainted with the medical profession, which sometimes leaves a lot to be desired. I feel for you and Henry, and would love to help. What can I do, or what can we do? Do you need anything? Can we send you CDs of pretty music, books, makeup (you haven't had time to shop lately, make you cookies and send to you, or give you our phone numbers so you can call us when you just need someone to talk to? I know I'm not alone in wanting to help, and maybe we could start a group to support you. If there's anything I can do, or there is something you need, please email me at: margillta1@gmail.com. I would love to do something to help you out- you two have really had a curve ball thrown at you and I want you to know you're not alone and we're all pulling for Henry.

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  50. Think of you both every day, Lana. Seems so flip to say "enjoy your weekend"...but enjoy it the best you both can for now. For one day you will be back on that boat in Florida with a renewed joy and song in your heart. Your dedication is admirable, your love for each other is strong. It's the love that gets you through. Keep doing what you're doing, it will get you through this. Love to you and Henry.

    Calvikingchick YT

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  51. Hi Sweet, Dear Lana. You and Henry are always in my prayers. Your writing is so heart wrenching and draws us all in to root for you and Henry.

    Please try to remember that God is still doing miracles today. Even though the nurse may not want to answer your questions, so be it. God can do far more than we can even ask, think, or imagine. Henry will win this war because he has you--and you share a deep love for one another. Do you know how rare that is? True love is stronger, and rarer, than stage IV cancer.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you both! I love you, Lana. Hugs,~Marilyn

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  52. Lana,
    What a blessed man Henry is to have such a wonderful wife as you. Keep looking ahead sweet lady. God will carry you thru. <3 to you both....

    Still praying....
    PomMomLisa

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  53. More prayers and love for you and Henry. I wish I could hold you both in my arms and make everything ok.
    Judith

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  54. Wishing blessings of healing, hope, strength, and a return to good health to your wonderful husband Henry, and blessings of strength, comfort, faith and hope to you! (((Hugs)))

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  55. Lana....it's Friday!!!! Hope you guys enjoy the weekend....your strength is amazing and inspiring!

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  56. Lana, My thoughts and prayers are with you and Henry as you travel down this dark road called Cancer. Henry is blessed to have you in his corner. You are his biggest advocate and champion! He is fighting for his life....and when he is tired and thinks he can't do it any more, you fight for him...fight hard. People do come out on the other side of this dark road and one of those special people will be Henry!

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  57. Dear Lana and Henry ~ I'm here and I love you guys.
    Mary Sue

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  58. Hang in there, ducky. I know the pain of watching/helping someone go through cancer and it sucks with a capital SUCKS. Take. Care. Of. Yourself. Period. Or you will never be able to take care of Henry in the way you desire to. Keeping you in my prayers, as always!

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  59. Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
    Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
    Brown paper packages tied up with strings
    These are a few of my favorite things

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  60. Lana and Henry:

    My thoughts and prayers are with you. I love your "hearts smiling" comment. Take care.

    MrsSuze51

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  61. Oh Lana my heart breaks each time I read another of these posts. I am so sorry you are in this horrible nightmare. I heard just 3 days ago from Tammy’s video that you had been absent from YT while caring for your precious husband. I'm so heart sick for you. I hate this for you and for your wonderful Henry. I’m sending you strength, courage and clarity-I so wish I could do more-along with all of these commenters & subbies; I wish I could do more.

    If I may,.. Dearest Henry I am so sorry that you are being assaulted by this hellish hijacker that threatens to ravage your body, shatter your soul and weaken your spirit. May you moment-by-moment receive the strength to hold on to life and love. Hold on to Lana Henry.

    To both you and Lana I'm sorry that I'm just now here to support you. That I am just now here to lift you up, to believe with you, to believe for you, and to believe IN you. It is not possible to convey my sorrow-if my tears could ease your pain, strengthen your body and lift your spirit... If only...

    Oh God Lana, I don't know what to say. It hurts so bad reading this...your posts...hearing this devastating news... I'm shaken as I'm sure many of us are. But Lana, God love your sweet heart, you cannot know what you've done for us your subbies, your cyber family, friends, fans & followers (my husband & I...even my children & grandchildren) by reaching out to us through your blog... By sharing this painful part of your life; by informing, encouraging, educating and warning us while you stand strong for your precious Henry in this battle.

    We can do this at least; we can hear your words loud & clear “...this can happen to anyone...” you're right and I hear you.

    Love you Lana & Henry always,
    Kat
    (AKA Mrsjustheretolearn from YT)
    Sorry I'm subbed to your blog Lana but I can't figure out how to sign in correctly.

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  62. You two are still FABULOS. No matter what. Please stop thing that you two are not. You could still be sick and FAB. Your lifestyle will resume in time and you will love it all the more because of this trial the two of you wnet through. Trust me, been to hell and back for 10 years. Praying for a quick healing.

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  63. Dear Lana,
    I have added you and Henry to my daily prayer list. I've read through your blog this afternoon and there was something I wanted to share with you. God has a way of helping us learn something as we go through the hard times. Now, I'm not saying God caused Henry to be sick. What I think is that your blog could really help other caregivers that come after you to see they are not alone and that their feelings are real and it's ok to feel all of them. You have always been very REAL and I think that is your gift to others who will read about your and Henry's experiences going through this time.
    One other thing, the love you and Henry have for each other comes through in your writing. You are a lucky woman to be loved so much, and maybe even more importantly, you are truly blessed to be able to love your husband through what is most likely the biggest trial of his life, and yours.
    Love to you both,
    Judi

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  64. Thinking of you. And, sending positive thoughts...

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  65. Lana,
    I've been thinking about you and Henry today. Hang in there!
    Maybe you guys should take a mind vacation. Talk about your home in the keys. Visualize the dolphins playing in the water. Forget the puke green chairs and the cold hard floors of the clinc. Close your eyes together and think of the warm sun on your face. The smell of the ocean and coconut oil on your skin. Take yourselves miles from that place. aww anything to escape the reality of cancer.
    -Love from Florida

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  66. I know I haven't posted a commment in a while, because this has brought back bad memories from my own battle with a serious illness. They told me I was going to die, and a young doctor came to me and said he thought they were nuts and wanted to operate on me and remove the giant tumor that was killing me. God sent him to me, and now I sit here typing this. But that journey took 3 years of my young life and now I feel old, but I am alive.

    I have read every one of your blog posts and have prayed for you and Henry every day. I don't know why God spared my life, but I pray that he spares Henry's as well.

    Lana your humor and courage are such an inspiration to me. If I admired you before, you are my hero now, and I can only hope that I am half the woman you are in my life. Love and hope, Bridget M. Ortiz, El Paso, Texas (vividsmile1 on Youtube)

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  67. Hi lana, I've been out of town all week. But you and Henry have been in my thoughts and prayers. I've never been in a medical site that performs chemo and radiation, it must be gut renching, but I feel like I'm with you and Henry thru your posts. Just want you to know we're all here for you and sending good thoughts your way. God Bless, Klaire

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  68. Lana
    I make sure I pray for your husband & your self every night before I go to sleep. Stay strong, we're all behind you supporting you and sending you a lot of positive energy.<3

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  69. I bow to this kind of writing, through this kind of suffering. One thing about things like this is that it can bring out the best in us, in ways we would have never known were possible.

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  70. I have been following you on youtube for some time and I found myself missing your videos so I went and looked on your page and found you blog link. I have read every blog you have written since this journey began and have wept the entire time. I am praying for you and your husband. I believe in Jesus Christ, and I believe he heals completely. I am now following you on twitter so I don't miss an update. I also tweeted you a link to a video on youtube. I hope you take a moment to watch it. Its a song by Corbette Jackson. "You gotta fight with the heart of a champion, the soul of a saint, the strength of a warrior, to take on the pain. when all your blue skies turn grey and run, you gotta rely on the heart of a champion."

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  71. Hi Lana,
    I really admire you so very much and I really think that writing these blogs is wonderful therapy for you.I have read all of your blogs and can feel your pain and suffering but your strength shines through like a dazzling light of purity.Lana,you are such a beautiful,kind,warm,sincere and bright and funny lady.So many people love you and I am really glad that our little snippets give you a boost to continue with the strength needed to fight this wretched cancer that is making Henry so sick.You and Henry will beat this,Lana. We are all here praying for Henry to be cured.Stay strong,Lana. Look after yourself too. Sending loving and healing thoughts your way.Big hugs,Julia xox xox

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  72. Beautiful Lana, I hope you are getting an occasional bit of rest for yourself, but I fear you are not. What long days you are having. Maybe you get to love on those adorable grandchildren. You are a beautiful light sitting by Henry's side. Give your strong on the inside man a gentle hug and know that you are loved. Connie xo

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  73. Praying for you and your family. My heart aches for you and what you are going through. Sending tons of love your way.

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  74. http://www.coconutresearchcenter.org/article10612.htm
    please read

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  75. Lana, Should we be angry with God? Why does he send this to people like Henry and all the other good people out there? I am begining to feel very upset just by reading all the suffering he is going through. I don't know... Meanwhile my prayers and candle to him and you.

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  76. I've been thinking of you & your dear husband, keeping you both in my prayers. So much of what you are going through, I can unfortunately relate to. My Mom has pancreatic cancer that has spread to her lymph nodes. Some days, my mind just stops. I can't think or process what the next day will hold, let alone this day. Hugs & prayers to you.

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  77. Hi Lana. I have a disease that can cause nausea. Deep breaths. Cold cloths. And for some reason brushing my teeth helps me through a bad wave. Not sure though if henry can do that. It's so vital he keep as much as he can down as he needs all the streaghth to fight. The same goes for you. You will be noe good to him if you too become weakened. Eat. Sleep whenever you can. And stay positive. That last one is the hardest but one of the most important. If it's a new track suit or nail polish that perks you up...take it for the resulting positive energy will carry both you and Henry through to the next day. It's like the AA slogan...one day at a time. During my worst moments I would internally chant just 5 more minutes then that would stretch to 1 hour and so on until I would max out at 1 day. It keeps it realistic and achievable. Always believe. XO

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  78. I pray for the both of you. Henry has so much to go through. It's awful how much waiting you have to do. You just want to get your medicine and leave. It all takes so damn long. I also know you want to know all they information about your husband that there is. Take it a little at a time. All the information is to much to take in right now. Your brain can only retain so much. Just deal with what's in front of you sweetie. Things might feel hopeless sometimes but you have so much faith. Only God know all the answers. Miracles do happen. I will continue to pray for you both. Don't forget to take care of yourself. Henry needs your strength. We will all give you strenght and love. God bless you both.

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  79. Lana, very few cancers are considered "curable". What they hope for is lengthy remissions.

    I read a lot of horror stories about how chemo accumulates in the body and you start to feel it more each time. I was scared "shitless" when I had my first chemo. I was nauseated before the first drip began.

    Guess what? The stories never materialized. It wasn't bad and I was never sick. I had carboplatin and taxol three times a month for six months. Carbo is comparable to Cisplatin.

    Make sure to complain if Henry gets really sick. Don't just figure that that is what is supposed to happen. They have more nausea meds. that can be tried.

    Sometimes, I think it's harder being the one who is not undergoing the treatment, because one feels so helpless. The chemo was harder on my husband than on me.

    Wishing you two all the best. I go for my six month post chemo CT/PET scan, next week. Stage IIIC ovarian cancer.
    ~elaine~

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  80. Sending you my love and hope, has always.

    Love emerges from dark situations. What I take from your history, what is always in my mind is your love, not the cancer, but the love you feel for each other. All may seem and feel dark for you, but you both have been giving us a lesson, a lesson of love, of true love. Thank you.

    With all my heart,
    Marta

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  81. Ah, ((((LANA AND HENRY))), each day sounds like the proverbial "two days in one" - God bless you! I am praying! (Prayed for Chris, too!)

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  82. A few weeks ago I had noticed that you hadn't been on YouTube, I then watched your last YouTube video and it brought me here. I tried to read about what was going on in your life. I feel sooooo horrible that this is happening. I was thinking of you alot today so I wanted to come by and check in on you. I want you to know that you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers. I know there are no words I can say to take your pain away but I just wanted you to know that you are being thought of all the way over here in Bakersfield,Ca. I pray your husband will get the VERY best medical attention and that he WILL be HEALED! I pray that God will keep his arms around the both of you and help to ease the fear and pain. God is Good and I have personally seen his Miracles. I pray that you both will too! Keep on fighting and know that you are both loved! ~ Kristi

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  83. My grandmother just had stage 3 lung cancer and I watched her throughout her whole time of kemo and radiation and she made herself feel better by having a positive outlook and having so many loved ones around her to help her fight! She believed that having a good attitude although its very hard does help make things a tiny bit easier and made her want to fight even harder! I hope your husband fights this!! I'm praying for him

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  84. Lana and Henry...please know that you are both in my thoughts and in my prayers. I will be there at the finish line to celebrate with you when this horrible time is over and you have triumphed over this evil disease. I even promise to wear my coconut bra and grass skirt for the festivities!
    Love and Aloha and big hugs to you both!

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  85. Dearest Lana and Henry, Just a brief message to let you both know my prayers continue as well as my good wishes and a heart full of love for both of you. Stay strong and focus on normal life again....you're on an ugly detour right now but it won't be long until Henry and you put this all behind you. It seems like a long way off, maybe a dream - live the dream both of you!!! Without determination we may as well be handicapped. Warm hugs to you both. Leyla xxxooo

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  86. PS. I know we live in a world of political correctness and my statement may not be deemed by some as politically correct. I hope that anyone reading my statement about being handicapped will read it in the context it was meant, I wish no ill-feeling to anyone or offence to anyone. We are all here as devoted well wishers and friends to Lana and Henry. I don't believe anyone here could misunderstand me, but just incase......lots of love, Leyla xxxooo

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  87. My heart absolutely breaks when I read all what you and your husband are going through. You two are such shining beacons in this ordeal. I know what you are talking about feeling a loved one's pain. I felt that when my father was dying - 32 years ago. You are an amazing writer expressing your feelings and experiences. I know this will be an advocate for others (i.e. that damned 2 hours wasted waaiiting). We love you and want to hold you both in that embrace to keep you strong. Susan

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  88. i wish for you a permanent vacation from all this, to be able to grow old together without a care of cancer or any other nasties...unfortunately i am no genie. but i will still ask the big man upstairs for you, never hurts to ask right. i hope it gets better from here, chemo is like that roller coaster that no one really wants to go on because they know they will feel sick, but you can still make it through to the end of the ride. i send you wishes of getting to the end of the ride soon

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  89. Hello My Dear Friends,
    Wanted to let you know u was in my thoughts and Prayers.. I checked in to see if there was any new Updates.. I would love to start a Prayer Chain and keep it going for Henery! How is our Dear Friend doing? Your both in my constant thoughts and Prayers.. Love You Both..Big Hugzz Your Friend, Angie

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  90. Sorry I was M.I.A. but a friend kidnapped me Thursday night, because she was worried about me, took me away for a few days holiday. Didn't skip any prayers though.

    Love you guys

    Lana and Henry's candles:

    http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=LI

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  91. Hey sugar,

    Still here and still praying. Henry's gonna make it.

    Love ya both.

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  92. Joni (((((Big Hugs to you both)))))July 25, 2011 at 8:40 PM

    I think you and Henry both know you are in our hearts. All of us are on the side lines fighting with you both. Through prayers and tears as we have cried for you and with you both. Remember when your going through the hardest time that this to shall pass. There is a light at the end of this tunnel of hell. Joy will come in the morning. When this is all done you both will have that joy once again. How can you not. There are to many angles out there fighting for you both. So many prayers have gone up to heaven that I think they closed the doors for a break,lol. But seriously God hears and cares. He loves you guys so much.

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  93. I have been watching your videos on youtube, and for some reason I hit upon your blog. You are awfully brave to keep up the blog.

    Best of wishes for recovery to your Henry, and great regards for you Lana

    ...fromthenorth

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  94. Hello, Lana and Henry ~ Just a note to say hang in there and that you're loved :)
    Mary Sue

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  95. Dearest Lana and Henry, I hope your weekend has been restful or at least that there were no more unhappy surprises.

    Know that you are both loved and remembered in countless prayers. May you find all the strength, courage and clarity that you need to continue to hold on to each other. And that so many of us that you have touched with your enthusiasm for life, your kindness & generosity are waiting to make sure you BOTH know how much we love you.

    Kat (Mrsjustheretolearn)

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  96. Hey Sweetie, hope y'all are hanging in there, things seem to be rough all over. Have to fly home on kind of an emergency basis, got a call yesterday, they think my nephew may have Non Hodgkins lymphoma, oncology appointment Thurs, and on top of that, the police have us blocked in our house! Our little dirt road is blocked off due to a suspicious package at the end of the road. It's just a little old British couple that lives there. We're in the middle of no where with nothing, but farms, cows and blueberries! Who would want to blow up cows? I'll keep you posted, scooting over to light y'all's candle.

    Love ya

    Light your candle for Lana and Henry here:
    http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=LI

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  97. How's it going Lana? My son's name is Henry. I hope your Henry is hanging in there.

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  98. Lana~

    You are never one nano-second away from the One Who loves you the most and in Whose strength you can constantly rely. He is one tough Daddy and will carry you and Henry the total distance!!

    Gee whiz, girl friend, I love you! I am sending hugs that would hold you and kisses that would dry your tears and laughter to ease the pain. You know how you can hug your kids or grandkids sometimes and you want to squeeze them so hard that you just say "oooooooooo!"...well, that is how I want to hug you right now....so just receive it!

    Kisses~~Karen

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  99. I cried reading your blog. I'm sixteen. I pray Henry gets better.

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  100. all my best to you and Henry, Lana. I cant even begin to imagine what you must be going through. Stay strong for him. He is in my prayers every night. How are your doggies throughout all this?
    All my love,
    Ximena

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  101. Ok...Now I know this works...
    Hi Lana,
    I was wondering what your husbands cancer is. My husband has squamous cell carcinoma with the primary tumor on the base of his tongue. His first chemo was on July 27th. He had Cistplatin and 5fu. He was quite sick. There was a week in between because his port wasn't in when they started. He was nauseated with the Cistplatin, but the 5fu was really bad.
    We get round 2 on Tuesday. It will be an all day affair again as you said. He will have both at once this time, though the 5fu infuses over the course of 4 days through a pump he wears on his belt.
    I just happened upon your blog and I agree that the hardest part is watching someone I love in this much pain. I feel soooo helpless. When he's sick there is a feeling of loneliness that I can't explain. I just watch him sleep and cry.
    We get the feeding tube on the first of Sept and start radiation right after, along with erbitux. As long as he can tolerate the drug. If not they will just have to do the radiation.
    It's such a long journey. Blessings to you and Henry. We are Kevin and Kathy.

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  102. Forgot to say Kev is stage III.

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