Just an average day. Not.
The 4th of July Holiday weekend used to be fun and fabulous for us. We are usually busy and hectic on the 4th. Barbeque's and friends. Swimming in the pool.
Sunshine and laughter.
This one for us was sad and depressing.
Here is a note I wrote to a really dear friend this morning.
Good Morning Beautiful &*%$^^#
This weekend was awful. TRYING to get Henry to eat something has been .... Hard.
He has lost 40 pounds since this began. Bring on that feeding tube. At least with my horrible cooking, he will never have to taste it!
Feeding tube and chemo port are Thurs. :(
Today, we meet his best friend in Indy and then go for that 2nd opinion at IU Med.
Henry is giving up. 4 days into treatment and I'm not sure if it's the cancer or the treatment but he feels like absolute crap.
All we do is look at 4 walls. We need a jumpstart! His best friends comes today.
Let's hope he can do the trick.
I pray for a miracle, Henry says he prays for a massive heart attack. Not funny, huh? We have only just begun.
God, I am so sick of my depressing self. Maybe I need to write in my blog again. It helps me to get it out and move forward. So...
Now I am going to go get beautified and wear something FABULOUS to go see a new doctor. Why not, right?
I am gong to wear a white Herve Leger skirt, my fav black Christian Louboutin's and a Chanel jacket and
YES... RED lipstick! and tell CANCER to kiss my Fabulous ASS!
Mother F*cker can just go ruin someone else's life today! Ha! I feel better already.
I love you so much
Lana
To say our fabulous fun lives have changed is an understatement. Trust me when I tell you, this could happen to anyone! An exaggeration? Nope.
None of us, you or me are immune to tragedy. Whether it be an illness or an accident, it can come to our houses and move right in. Stay awhile. Put it's dirty feet all over your home and your heart. Eat at your soul. Smell up the place and not leave. Three short weeks ago we had plans and dreams and a life. Now... Not so much.
My advice is this, plain and simple:
Don't just TELL those you love that you love them.
SHOW them! Every day.
Tuesday 10:00 a.m.
Oncology Clinic
5th Day of Radiation
My husband has zero energy. Listless. Given up.
Won't eat. His fun sense of humor is fading as fast as my bleach blond hair when Clairol comes to town.
I am almost excited about him getting this feeding tube!
(This from a girl that would only get excited by a pair of Christian Louboutin's? Ha!)
The PEG Tube and Port for Chemo are scheduled for surgery on Thursday and it will be hard but good.
The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly.
The Good... He will eat. Well, sort of eat.
The Bad....I will be cooking (yes ME who can't cook to save my soul)
I will be buying a blender and a food processor and pureeing all his food and sliding it into him via a tube installed in his stomach.
The Ugly.... My cooking is ugly and grinding it up until it's unrecognizable and looks like slime to be fed into a tube directly into his stomach will be ugly.
Can I do that? OMG. The thought scares me so bad.
I have not been sleeping at night. I wake up 20 times a night and worry.
When I was flying, I would have this recurring dream that went like this...
We would be inflight. 35,000' cruising speed. All is well.
Suddenly, the aircraft begins to shake and dip. Roll and sway. Passengers screaming. Complete chaos. I am standing in the aisle. At a complete loss. I FORGOT to do SOMETHING. I can never remember what it is I have forgotten but the aircraft is going down. Fast. I can hear the wind whistling and the thin cabin walls about to come inward from the pressure. Falling. Screaming. All these lives.
It's ALL my fault! I failed to do something. What?
I wake up in tears. I am distraught and confused. Wracking my brain to remember WHAT it is I fail so badly at.
It never comes to me. It only comes the next time I dream it.
Last night and most nights since this nightmare began...
I wake up standing in the middle of the room.
Scared and panting. Cold. Sweating. Last night I woke my husband up.
I was still asleep but talking.
I told him I had just signed his death sentence.
"What?" He says.
I repeat it. "I just signed your death sentence." Once again, I have forgotten to DO something! What? It's all my fault.
I have FAILED.
I suddenly wake up to full consciousness. I am in tears.
So afraid. Panic. I realize what idiocracy I just told my very ill husband. I am being positive? Ha! I have always lived my life so flip. I have flittered thru life without a care in the world. Much like Scarlett O'Hara, I would say
"Fiddle de dee. I'll think about that tomorrow."
Well, life isn't so easy when you love someone but can't help them. I fear I will FAIL. I fear I will Fail HIM.
I fear he will get worse and It will be ALL MY FAULT.
Ok, back to the oncology clinic. The 5th treatment goes well and once again, we are called into the doctors private office. What now? What possible news can you tell us now?
More x-rays tomorrow. They are switching gears. More radiation. Twice the power in the beams and adding one more week. We are now up to nine weeks to finish this!
Balls to the Wall. Kickstart this cancer. Be as aggressive as it is. Shrink the bastards!
The downside.... A greater chance at causing Multiple Sclerosis or paralysis. Lovely. Fiddle de dee... I'll think about that tomorrow!
2:30 p.m. IU Medical Center
2nd Opinion
We arrive with our best friend the NFL Coach.
My husband still calls him Coach. I love seeing them together. We sit in the waiting room and the Good Old Boys stories are flying. They are so cute. It's almost as if...
As if this is not really happening but we are just having a fun chat in an odd office building.
Laughing. Swearing. Being men. I almost feel as if I have entered a secret fraternity and should leave them alone. They are like college boys in their silliness and stories of past football plays and gossip of other players. It's fun!
The doctor calls us in. She has an entire NEW direction.
LESS Radiation Less chemo. What?
I want the "Balls to the Wall" approach. My husband and Coach are elated. They are almost giddy with the new plan.
I TRY to be but somehow my trust level is zero about this.
WHY let up? Why not hit it? Shrink the bastards? What happened to THAT idea?
Coach begins a pre-game speech. He pulls his hard stiff chair as close to the doctor as he can. He gets his face as close to hers as physically possible without touching her. He raises his voice like a coach before the Super Bowl.
"I am a COACH. I want YOU to be the Head Coach. I want You to get in there and WIN! Beat this! You can DO IT!
Be the HEAD Coach. Now, Let's get in there and make this happen!"
I am impressed. I am not an athlete but know I just witnessed the inside of a locker room.
Instead of sweaty football pads and mouth guards there are stethoscopes and bandages.
I literally want to stand up and scream like a cheerleader.
Go! Team! Go!
I'm not sure why but as these two "boys" leave the room so happy and charged up, patting each other on the back like they just scored a winning touchdown, I feel this sense of panic.
We have the players, the coach and the game plan. Why do I feel like we may lose the game? Why do I fear we will fail?
Fiddle De Dee.... I'll think about that tomorrow.
Maybe this is good news Lana, I sure hope it is. Keeping the prayers and good thoughts coming your way <3<3
ReplyDeleteLana Honey, You have been in my thoughts and praying continuously. Henry is very lucky to have you as his cheerleader. God will continue to help you both through this. With love and prayers,~Marilyn
ReplyDeleteI have been waiting for your post! Was thinking about you and Henry all weekend. I am so happy that "Coach" is there with both of you. My husband is a JV Football Coach so I can hear him saying those things, especially the "Make it happen!" part! Lana you are not failing anyone! Keep doing exactly what you are doing! FIGHT GIRLY FIGHT!! Keep putting on that red lipstick and help Henry KICK CANCERS ASS!!!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
ReplyDeleteLana Maybe in some ways this is Good News ...Did you not say she was the best and has really good sucess ? Either way none of this is your fault..You are so not to blame ..no one is . Cancer is just mean and ugly and has no compassion. I know that you will all make the right decision and which way to go . Did you ask her Why ? Why less ? Maybe this is the path God is leading you . You and Henry are in my prayers . Love you with all my heart . Susie
ReplyDeleteSo have you guys decided which approach you will take? Decisions. Many that we have to make in this life are tough, but my God, I can't imagine having to make the ones you guys are making. Just to be faced with them are terrifying, I'm sure. I'm sorry Henry is so damned sick. I'm sorry for you doubting yourself. I'm sorry you're both facing the biggest fear most of us have. I'm sorry Henry will have to eat your cooking and I'm sorry you have to cook at all. (I feel your pain...I can't cook either.) I'm sorry you guys had such a crappy July 4th and I'm sorry you have to spend your days writing about this in a blogpost in order to relieve some stress. I'm just so damned sorry. Here's wishing I could wrap my arms around you both and make all this crap go away. Love you Lana and Henry!
ReplyDeleteJust keep chugging along and try to take it one day at a time! You are a phenomenal person and everyone is rooting for you. <3 Kick cancer's ass with your fabulous shoes!
ReplyDeleteWell I'm still here, lighting and praying. Okay, so what's her plan, I want to know the whole thing. Why is she backing off, and have you chosen not to use Ensure or another liquid feeding? I only ask because the feeding formulas are easily absorbed and converted into energy. That is less work for Henry's body to do, and the entire feeding goes to repair and healing instead of having to be converted into something that the body can absorb and using calories to do it. Did that make sense? I don't explain myself too well sometimes.
ReplyDeleteSending love, love, love and more and more and more love! Thought of you and the Mr. all the long weekend. Keep wearing those high heels and lipstick. Hug each other and love each other. We love you both!!
ReplyDeleteHugs xxxxxx Eva
Hang in there Lana. When those negative, 'fear' generated thoughts come in, push them right back out and visualize Henry happy and healthy. I'm still praying.
ReplyDeletePlease continue your prayers, and show Lana and Henry how much we care about them here:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=LI
Lana, I check for ur posts every day. I havent written u on here before, but u were one of the first youtubers i ever watch, and you aided in my love affair with makeup, shoes etc... :) It hurts me to hear what u and ur hubby are going through. Just be there for him, be positive and he will feed off ur energy!
ReplyDeletePraying for you both!
Leah
Dear Lana
ReplyDeleteStart a Novena. St. Jude is a miracle worker.
You and Henery are in my prayers.
I have walked in very similar shoes as you are now. A week and a half before my wedding I woke up to my very healthy fiance having a grand mal seizure in our bed. By afternoon we knew he had a brain tumor. We had 1 day to get his affairs in order before surgery. Within 3 days we new he had very aggressive brain cancer. People would ask me how I "did it" I'm not sure what "it" is or even what the options would have been. I know, from my experience that simply by being there you are coming through for your hubby. It is scary and it hurts like hell and it will be HARD but you will get through this.
ReplyDeleteYou are a kick ass female, never forget it! Sending you prayers of hope and strength and a big hug xoxo
HUG YOUR MAN !!
ReplyDeleteI have now just lost my 2nd girlfriend suddenly to an anurism. We were a group of 5 women with our first babies at our breast when we became steadfast friends. 3 kids and 14 years later we lost Janice to cancer at 43 and now Lori at 41. There is now just 3 of us and at Lori's celebration of life ( we were not allowed to say the "f" word funeral) we were told by her husband and 2 darling boys to "hug your mom" and "hug your wife"! As this gift can be taken away from you in an instant. This is my daily motto today and always. When you want to just collapse and quit...hug your man. When you wake up yet again...hug your man. When you try to push that made with love purreed meal in that tube...hug your man. I am one of your silent stalwart fans from you tube. I am silent no more. I cherish your vids and now your blog. Its a given I send you my prayers but most of all I give you Courage! You can do this !
Lana, my thoughts and prayers are always with you, your husband, family and friends. Your humour and videos helped me during a difficult time. I only wish I could give you what you gave me.
ReplyDeleteJust know that a person (from Canada) you've never met or know, is praying for you.
MrsSuze51
God Bless you two Lana....I am praying for you guys everyday. God is with you two on this journey...you are not alone. Keep the faith. Stay strong Sweet Lady.
ReplyDeletelana, i've been following your posts and was also wondering why they are having you make food? Have you asked about ensure? My husband is on a feeding tube after radiation treatment in his throat and he is eating ensure plus.
ReplyDeletethinking of you Lana and Henry lots ! this is a hard fight for you both ! i pray Henry keeps his fight ,so much counts on his will to fight not just treatment !23years ago doctors gave my daddy 9 month to live,well hes in his room watching How The West Was Won . yes hes alive in hes 70s,hes had a mild stroke but still kicking ! it was not the some kind cancer ,but it was bad! it can be done ,he can win !! prays from Michael& Audrey..
ReplyDeleteLana, I am feeling a glimmer of hope coming from this new doctor. I hope whatever she has planned will work. You said that she has helped other people that you know. Let's keep our fingers crossed that she can help your darling Henry. Just the fact that he is feeling positive is a good sign. The only way you can kick this is by staying positive. I am keeping you both in my prayers and hope we have a positive out come.
ReplyDeleteLana....dear sweet loving Lana...You must know what a blessing and pillar of strength you are to your precious Henry. Don't doubt youself. Don't allow doubt to enter into your thought process. As quickly as it tries to sneak up on you, kick it in the butt! You will never fail him. Keep the positive words coming to him. What you experienced today with the change in Henry and the Coach's mood is proof that a positive words are powerful and can help tremedously! Don't allow doubt and fear to steal that from you guys. My family is praying for you both.
ReplyDeleteLove and hugs from Dallas!
Sandee, Mike and Saylor
Ok Lana you are doing an amazing job& u have an army of prayer warriors all around this country who are fighting with you!I have never been in your shoes, but I have taken care of many families who were and you have to greet each day with a winning attitude and be grateful for each and every moment you have together! This can be beaten & you are so strong & you are doing an amazing job!oh and by the way, you know there are some liquid supplements you can use like Ensure or Glucerna that would make your life a lot easier than cooking & purering food. They would probably be easier on his digestive system also.ok will be lifting Y'all up in prayer!
ReplyDeleteLove Ann_Marie(bamaannie)
Lana, lot's of people are still praying with faith. Please, don't give up. Your husband needs you. if it makes you feel better keep posting in your blog. I check every day for any news. Faith, my dear. Let God guide you through this. The Lord wants only the best for all of us, even though we might think the opposite. God bless you and your family.
ReplyDeleteSo long as your husband left that room "happy and charged" that is the main thing. Good friends will do that for each other. xo Shadowgirl808
ReplyDeleteLana you should see somebody. A therapist or "life-coach". This is a long road youve got ahead and having somebody there for you to vent to may be a good idea. You pay the poor bastard and he or she will listen as you spill your guts. Get it all out, say whatever you want. Then maybe the professional will have some tips about how to center yourself more or help you in the slightest. Every little bit of pressure release in a time like this can help. Love and light, Lana; keep it in your head like a mantra. Prayers for your sweet Henry.
ReplyDeleteLana, don't be so hard on yourself. Your heart is in the right place. God will give you the strength and wisdom you need.
ReplyDeleteLuv you,
PomMomLisa
Ciao Lana,
ReplyDeleteYou are never far from my heart, thoughts and my prayers at all times... I often check in here to see if you have updated and how things are going. (((((((HUGS)))))))
Stay strong... even though its easy to type and much harder for you to do, you must!! My mother in law has breast cancer, so I know all about going through the cancer thing and how ill she was. Its very difficult, VERY hard to see your loved one so sick. Today, she is doing well. PTL!!
I think that your husband, his friend, and the doctor and planning out some kind of game strategy on beating this thing called CANCER!! Way to go for them!!! I'll cheer them on... ha ha.
Just to let you know... you are always in my prayers... and... NEVER GIVE UP!!! NEVER BE DEFEATED!!!
Love you Lana!!
Hugs & Kisses
Love,
Shelley
xXx
Sweet Dear Lana - please do take a moment each day and breath...breath in God's love, breath in HIS strength - so you dont have to rely on just your own... breath in his ability to heal you - make you strong so you can breath that life and love and healing energy to Henry... we continue to pray for you, I've got several different church groups praying for you - one on the East and here in the West... GO TEAM GO! I'm right there with you... I am so happy Henry got to see his friend and his spirits were lifted... I agree with what someone said above, HUG YOUR MAN! Love is the greatest gift we have... love you - Peggy Jo
ReplyDeleteIt's fabulous that your hubby has a great TEAM behind him.
ReplyDeleteSome food ideas... my son was in a horrible accident last year that left him with his mouth wired shut. We had to prepare a lot of soft foods for him and I hate to cook.Creamy soups are great (Campbell's was my best friend, lol).Mashed potatoes mixed with lots of milk to make them fit through a tube were good. I also went to GNC and bought Body Builder Protein Powders. Those helped put the weight back on him. My poor skinny, little geek-boy was so thin anyway... and starting his Freshman year of High School too. Smoothies were fabulous too. My son learned to make his own in the blender. I bought frozen fruits and he blended those with ice, yoghourt, bananas, and Protein Powder, and he loved them.
I hope this helps a little. I keep you two in my prayers. My love to you both.
i prefer and trust the second option.you need a body to fight and to heal and strenght to combat that thing...to aggressif is no good...burn the body won't help for sûre...beeing paralysed either or ms...you need that strenght and for that option two seem reasonable.told you i had a good feeling about that place...it's part of the healing to feel guilty and being angry and giving up.now,god can do his work now that we surrender to a higher power...may god transport you in that absence of sun...love.alexanna.
ReplyDeletehi Lana
ReplyDeletehere are some links to websites for recipes for g tube feeds. Good nutrition, easy to digest. Hopefully not too much bloating
Also, check to see if he can do ices chips, lozengers, hard candy ect.
Once he gets some strength from nutrtrition, he may miss the pleasure of eating (i know hard to believe now. but when we can't eat, it can be very stressful. Make sure good mouth care too..and that if they give him that nystatin for his mouth sores, make sure to ask the MD if he can swallow it..he shouldn't spit it out..because the sores can go down the esphageous as the mucosa (lining) goes from mouth to stomach). Ice chips and popsicles are good (but check with MD to see if he can tolerate the swallowing.
Take care you are an incredible woman
http://pedalingbackwards.com/2009/04/29/g-tube-feedings-recipes-for-blended-food/
http://lucysrealfood.com/
http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,20323,0.hml
http://www.oley.org/tubetalks.html
Dear Lana,
ReplyDeleteSending a daily dose of love and prayers to you both. No PEG tube needed ;-) There should be a medical social worker or therapist on staff there. If you feel like talking, have the doc or nurse make an order. Emotional support is vital right now. I did that for 3 years before going into private practice, and would sit with frightened family members, make sure they were okay, do some counseling if needed, sometimes just hold a hand during procedures. If that might help you or Henry, just let them know. Hang tight, girl. <3
Lana, you said this Dr is the best. She has had amazing success rates, maybe this is what he needs. Perhaps less is more in this case. Allow his body to regain some of his strength without the extra chemo/radiation. Please don't think that there is something you failed to do for Henry, just being his cheerleader/wife/love, being there for him is what he needs. Many hugs and prayers
ReplyDeleteMaybe the second opinion is for the best. Too much radiation and chemo could do the body in. Most people die from complications created by the treatments.
ReplyDeleteHenry needs to stay as healthy as possible so that his body's immune system can help him.
I was all ready for chemo and at the last minute decided to have a consultation with another doctor. His approach was different and a more tolerable chemo protocol. I felt at peace after talking with him. Try to notice when you start feeling relaxed, it's usually when the right thing is happening.
XOXO
~elaine~
Lana,
ReplyDeleteMy heart breaks for you and for your husband. You come across as such a loving, kind, and generous person and I can only assume that the man you fell in love with is just as great. I pray that everything works out for you two.
I Care
ReplyDeleteI’m sending this to let you know
I think of you each day,
And pray for your recovery,
Hoping soon you’ll be okay.
You’re going through a lot right now;
You’re treatments can be trying;
Remember while you do them
It’s your problem you’re defying.
Hold on to your positive attitude,
And when things get hard to bear,
Know that I am here for you;
Remember that I care.
And when you’re well and flourishing,
Look back and realize,
You learned what you were made of;
That’s a reward that satisfies!
I believe in you; You can do it!
~By Joanna Fuchs
Dear Lana,
ReplyDeleteThere may be times when you'll feel weak and helpless and it's ok to feel so. There may be times when you'll feel like crying and it's ok to cry. What's not ok is to blame yourself for what you and hubby are going through. You may not know the answers right now to all the questions that you have but in God's time, you will. Pray together, Lana. Just pray together. Total submission to God's plans...
-roan
Lana, this is going to sound obvious, but thought I would say it anyway: your husband's illness IS NOT your fault. Not your fault. Stay strong and take care. Prayers and positive energy everyday being sent yuor way:) xxx♥
ReplyDeleteLana, there is so much I'd like to say. Please remember that whatever happens,
ReplyDeleteit isn't going to be because you failed at something. Please believe that. Have you ever read William Wordsworth's poem "Intimations of Immortality from
Recollections of Early Childhood"? It's stunningly beautiful. Hugs and bright blessings to you both.
Slade
Dearest Lana, It's so hard going for you, both of you. Henry has to kick this cancer in the nuts, fight for himself and the life he has with his beautiful wife. Every patient becomes disparaged but that's what you and his family are there for, to show him that it's ok to have a bad day, to feel weak and think what's the use........it'll pass sweetheart. It's great that his friend came, it's a distraction and a chance to push this nightmare aside for a while while they focus on stories from their past. Put on your heels and your red lipstick and show the world that it's Lana they're dealing with - an EXTRAORDINARY woman who touches the hearts of thousands of people who love her, who are praying for her and her husband. Remember what I told you Lana, things will get worse before they get better........have faith, don't ever lose faith. Warm hugs, Leyla xxxooo
ReplyDeleteLana, ask your husband how you have failed him, and i would bet alot that he doesnt think you have at all. you are doing the best you can and that is mre than enough.
ReplyDeletedont worry too much about the chemo/radiation reduction, they might not stick to it anyway, they will look at the improvements and how your husband copes and make changes accordingly im sure. i would expect she thinks it will have done its job on less and she is thinking of him recovering his health quicker with less radiation damage.
much love and hugs lana,
thinking of you alot
jen xoxo
lana, There are no words to make this easier for you. i think about you both every day. But don't think you will fail. You don't have a choice. Every day you do what you have to do and it might be different to how you imagined yourself but you will be able to do it. it's wonderful that you and your husband love each other so much. Do let other family members help. They also will want to show their love in this way. margaret
ReplyDeleteLana, first of all, it's not your fault. Please don't blame yourself. As for the feeding tube, I gave Mom Ensure through hers. Maybe that would be ok for a while? It's easy for me to sit here and say to Henry, don't give up. What I can tell him is this: Henry, if you want to beat this crappy, cowardly disease, you have to kick its butt. Don't let it laugh at you or rob you of your life. Don't. Have a little goal in mind for when this is all over. Go on a vacation on a nice beach, watch the sunset, listen to the water, the wind. Walk in the sand. But please don't give up. Those of us that have been through this with loved ones know what Lana is going through. She wants to help and doesn't know what to do. Know that we are out here, praying to God and all His Angels for you both. I'm sending you both light, laughter, twinkles, sparkles, pixie dust, confetti, love and big hugs. God Bless You both.
ReplyDeletethere is no failing, there is nothing you could have done differently. life comes at you the way it is meant, which sucks sometimes but you can't beat yourself up thinking if only i had done this or not done that. you're doing a good job just being there, being supportive, being a part of this treatment with him.
ReplyDeleteDear Lana,
ReplyDeleteYou are a special breed!
Limited Edition! One in a million!
You can do it! You can get through this & you will succeed!
While your job is to be Henry's cheerleader, our job is to be yours!
Black Christian Louboutin's, a Chanel jacket and a red lipstick? Hello?
This is what I call a cancer attack outfit!
G_d bless!
xoxo
P.S.: check into Ensure (immune or maybe plus)
I copied this from your candles site.
ReplyDeleteAnother day, another candle! Just know you have touched us in such a way that through your journey, my bf will quit smoking for me and our children.
Lana Hugs to you and Henry. I really don't understand why less radiation. Maybe in your next update you could tell us what you are doing and are you using this new doctor and their facilities exclusively? Sounds confusing. If I can give my Dad shots with shaky hands you can do this feeding tube thing! I know it! Maybe they have a nutritionist that can give you guidance as what to feed him? Again, more hugs and prayers to you both
ReplyDeleteCharlene (5995char)
day by day... never give up, you're doing your best and the choice is FIGHT and do all you can. hug both
ReplyDeleteLISA (Italy)
Just dropping in to let you know, I'm still here. You can always contact me, just want to remind you of that. Lit another candle for you and Henry today, and just read all the wonderful encouragement prior to this post. I hope you find the time every day, to read through here, so that you can find support and encouragement. There is so much here, and though you will probably find, over a time, the numbers wain, you will also find, there is a core group of women here who will be here for you throughout your entire journey. Many years back I was very sick for an extended period of time, (about 5 years), and became depressed because so many people just seemed to "give up" or lose interest in my plight, but don't fret! That is human nature, and life goes on. I want to stress though, that small group that stuck with me through thick and thin, even when I tried to push them away, they didn't budge. That is what you will find here. This group, from what I can see, isn't going anywhere, and may God shower them all with blessings for this.
ReplyDeleteLana you are doing so well with all of this. It sounds like Henry is in good hands with this new Dr. I wish you both all the best ...
ReplyDeleteLove Sue
If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or fight like hell. ~Lance Armstrong
ReplyDelete(((((( Lana)))))))))
love Diana
Lana, I cannot express how much your words have stuck with me lately! In all of your posts you seem to talk about how short life is and how quickly it can be taken away. I never realized this until today. Earlier this afternoon I found out that my beautiful Aunt has lung cancer. It is amazing how quickly things can change and turn your world upside down. I want you to know that I have been praying for you and your husband every night. Tonight I will do the same, but now my Aunt will be joining my prayers as well. I, like you, am trying to stay positive. The Lord can and will do amazing things, just remember that!
ReplyDeleteLana I'm still praying for you. I don't know what to say to make it any better. I can just say to leave it in Gods hands. You are doing everything you can so don't blame your self, be strong. Love Lola
ReplyDeleteLana, Don’t feel like this is your fault or that you are failing him or that this terrible tragedy is God’s punishment; sometimes we just can’t prevent time or terrible things from happening to those we love. Pray to Jehovah in the name of his son Jesus and ask for strength to cope and battle this terrible enemy. I follow your blog and your Youtube videos and your tragedy has touch my heart, now imagine how afflicted most Jehovah feel knowing that you and Henry are going through difficult times.
ReplyDeleteDonot underestimate the value of prayer. The Bible urges us: "Throw your burden upon Jehovah himself, and he himself will sustain you." (Psalm 55:22)
Know that we are praying for his prompt recovery. Let God's holy spirit equip you both with "power beyond what is normal" to go from one day to the next. (2 Corinthians 4:7)
Hugs, Mirna
Lana, this writing is positively STUNNING. This situation is horrendous and your writing is absolutely breathtaking! Go team! Go Scarlette,...
ReplyDeleteLana, I know this is almost too unbearable for you but don't ever give up this fight. You have the Coach with you now. This second opinion sounds like one you can trust due to her success rate. You didn't really say if you had decided to go this way for sure or not but I had the feeling that Henry and the Coach already made up their minds. You have Henry, the injured player, the Coach and you, Henry's personal cheerleader. Go out there and cheer your hardest girl and bring team Henry home to victory! Hugs. . .
ReplyDeleteWow, there are so many things I could say sorry for. One thing I heard through this is that Henry got excited at the second program. I don't know why they want to scale back everything but if Henry is excited it will give him hope. If he gives up, then hope is hard to find. Coach sounds like a great person to have on the winning team. GO TEAM GO!!!!
ReplyDeleteLana,
ReplyDeleteYou just keep on writing! Let it out. You put such beautiful, powerful voice to a horrendous situation. As you have noticed from all of the comments, many of us have been touched by this rotten, ugly, heartless disease. Because of our experience, we know that we are helpless other than just being here to listen and to say all the prayers we can.
You haven't failed anyone. If only we had the power to "save" but it is not ours. Your job is to love and that's what you are doing.
Much love,
Kathy Spears
Please light your candle here: http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=LI
ReplyDeleteAnd leave a message of hope and courage for Lana and Henry. There is no time to pause or slow down, continue to pray and remind them of our Love.
Praying, praying for you! Lana you are a beam of light. I wish I could somehow take away the fear, stop it from clouding your brightness.
ReplyDeleteall my best, jenny
Lana... been watching your YouTubes for a couple months before Henry got sick... and laughed the whole time. You brightened my day and you are beautiful. My precious husband has been going through cancer for 3 years and we are thankful for each and every day. I agree that my blog was like therapy, and the well wishes from complete strangers meant SO MUCH. After five months of daily radiation, I have taken the summer off from blogging, but have posted some YouTubes as a distraction and a hobby.
ReplyDeleteHug Henry for Scott and I. I read your entire blog aloud to him last night. Our hearts are heavy for you both...but keep the faith, keep the strength, and go through this the best you can, with no guilt or regrets. You both know you love each other regardless of silly spats... we all have them. Praying for you Lana and Henry :) Love you!
Teri @girlmeetsparis.blogspot.com
Been praying for you and Henry lots and lotssssssss. xx
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear about this difficult time you and your hubby are facing. It really doesn't seem fair. What is that saying...."life does not ask us what we want. It presents us with options". I sure hope the second opinion you got gave you some better options.
ReplyDeleteHugs from Canada
Hi Lana,
ReplyDeleteI have been following you for months, this is my first comment to you EVER. I'm normally just a bystander in this stuff. Anazed by your eyeshadow application, the colored lights on your bed... Wonder how much confidence and happiness you must have had in your life to live it the way you do. I'm so sorry this has to happen to such a postive, whitty and vivacious person and I am sure that your husband is part of the reason you bring so much happiness and laughter to so many people, like me, that are never herd. I check your posts every day and am hoping for the best for you and your husband. Realize that this terrible illness is not your fault. How could any one person do anything but what you are doing; coping and stumbling your way through a nightmare. We are not perfect, we can only do our best. Be strong and question everything. You may feel like life is totally out of control, but dont' give up!
None of this is your fault and you have not failed. You will not fail the dreams are only because you are such a competent caring person that even when your body lays down to rest your brain doesn't. God will not fail you or Henry he will stand by your side and be with you all the way. It is perfectly normal to feel helpless and that you need to do more. I'm so glad that you are using your blog to relieve some of your stress.
ReplyDeleteWe are all only human made of flesh and bone. Some of us are given spines of steel to anchor that flesh and bone. You are one of the ones with a spine of steel, you would not have come through all that you have if you didn't. But that doesn't mean you won't have moments of weekness. Please seek out some loving kindness for yourself when you need to. You need to keep yourself up so that you can continue to give to Henry.
You both are continually in my prayers.
Thinking of you and holding you and your family close to my heart.
ReplyDelete