Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Let's Do the Limbo Dance

Good Morning.
Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I have no excuse except my life is not my own anymore and at the end of each day, I am usually too tired or too emotionally drained to write my own name.

Besides, there's not much happening in the way of new information that would or could help anyone going thru this nightmare.
I have made a point to take at least one hour each day and either go for a walk or go to the gym to punch a punching bag or do something so simple and delightful as visit a friend. 
The 15th of September is fast approaching. The 15th is the day we are to go get the Flex-Scope to look and see what is happening in the throat that we so recently burned to a crisp to kill the cancer and anything else in it's path.
But.... Here is where it comes down to choices. Not MY choices but my husbands. It is, after all his life and illness.

He wants to do absolutely nothing. 
No tests or scopes or scans or needles or IV fluids or blood transfusions. No shots or pills or rinses. 
No more medications.
No doctors. 
No appointments.
At first, I raved at him like a lunatic. 

What do you mean do nothing? 
I am one of those people that learned a thing or two from watching Dr. Phil.
My philosophy is: 
"I'd rather be Happy than Right"
I don't need to be right. I'd rather be happy. Being right all the time isn't me. I can be wrong too. I am not a control freak in any way but I was going to fight this one to the bitter end! 
In tears and in a rage I stood my ground. 
Face red. Hair in tangles and fists clenched.
This side of hysterical. 

"Yes, you ARE going to scans and scopes and appointments. I'll drag your sorry ass all over town but we ARE and we will! Are you hearing me, Mister?"
We were NOT going to do nothing. 
Nope. No way. Not an option. 

Then out of the blue I got this note from a beautiful YouTube Subscriber:


Just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone with this cancer thing. My dad was diagnosed last year with poorly differentiated carcinoma. Pretty much the same thing your husband has, but different wording. My dad, at the age of 58 noticed a growth on his tonsils. He went to have it checked out, which is when the doctors decided to remove his tonsils and do a biopsy. The say the older you get the worse the recovery is for having your tonsils removed. Tis a true statement. The biopsy came back stating my dad had cancer. They immediately started chemo twice a week and radiation 5 days a week (as I'm sure you know EKG's and whatnot). My dads whole face and neck was blistered. He was constantly spitting of that mucus stuff you were mentioning. He couldn't eat, he couldn't drink, he could barely sleep. I've never seen my father be as thin as he was. The pain pills he was on, made him hallucinate. It was terrifying and I really thought I was going to lose my father. He pulled through it though. He last step was to go get a final test to see if the treatments worked. Being the stubborn man he was. He refused. The doctors told him if the treatments didn't work, the next step was to do a massive surgery on his neck and jaw, removing part of the jaw and going in and removing the cancer, as well as additional chemo and radiation. My dad said that wasn't an option. He said he rather not know if he still has it. He said if he has it, then he will die from it, but he rather not live the rest of his life knowing that is what will lay him to rest.

Anyway, I rambled enough, but just know you are not alone and I know what you are going through. I hope for the best for you two and I hope your husband stays strong!

I read this note 5 times. I read it to my husband. He made me read it again nodding to each word in the entire note.
We did everything we were told to do to this point. 
We failed at nothing.
No matter what the scopes and scans and tests reveal, my husband won't do the surgery (Can you blame him?) So why?
It's up to God.
So, we are sitting in Limbo Land doing the Limbo Dance and that's fine. 
In a month, I will gently nudge him to move in that direction but for now....
I would rather be happy than right.

Limbo cool limbo fine
Ev'rybody gets a chance
Clap your hands it's party time
Do the limbo dance

Let's go on a holiday
(let's go to jamaica)
Fly in to montego bay
(let's go to jamaica)
Maybe find a hideaway
(let's go to jamaica)
We can limbo on the sand
To a steel drum band

Limbo cool limbo fine
Ev'rybody gets a chance
Come on and move your body down
Do the limbo dance
Limbo cool limbo fine
Ev'rybody gets a chance
Clap your hands it's party time
Do the limbo dance

You will hear the limbo song
(when you're in jamaica)
You'll be dancin'all night long
(when you're in jamaica)
We can party on and on
(when you're in jamaica)
We can limbo on the sand
To a steel drum band


  1. I know I've mentioned I'm a nurse a thousand times, but here I go again. I'm a huge proponent of "don't test for something your not going to treat". I understand Henry's choice, and regardless of outcomes, that decision is always a difficult one for families. It's so hard to support decisions loved one's make when it isn't the one we would necessarily choose. If Henry doesn't want the surgery, then enduring those tests would be painful and stripping him of what control he does have over his life. I will support and pray for y'all with any decision you make. Love you guys.

    Light your candle and say your prayer for Lana and Henry here:

  2. Lana, you know we all have you and Henry's backs in prayer to God. I completely understand how you both feel. My husband and I recently had this discussion, because of your situation. I told him that if it came to making that kind of decision, I would be with Henry, just let me be to live my life as it is. My, hubby on the other hand (who has had one kidney removed, due to it being cancerous)said that he would want the test, just to know how much time he would have left, as the treatment is just unimaginable. Lana, like I said, we are all out here praying for you guys. You will know what is right when the time comes. You love your man, and when it comes to decision time you will support him with all your heart.Thanks for taking the time to post and I'm so glad you are taking some time for yourself. Take care and again thanks for taking time to post.

  3. God only knows how difficult this is for you sweet pea. I hope and pray that Henry is feeling better after all that treatment. And of course I hope and pray that they fried all the cancer out of him. It is a difficult road. And no path is the same for each person. I've never met one person who has gone thru chemo/radiation/whatever with the same exact formula. No one has any guarantees. When my mom went through all her treatment she said that she could get run over by a bus in the middle of it and it wouldn't matter. Cherish today. Henry knows how much you love him. xxxooo

  4. Dear Lana, My prayers are with you and your husband. I pray the cancer cells are all fried, never to return. I pray your husband gets his strength back and God gives you both the strength to move past this limbo and enjoy many, many wonderful years together. Surround yourself with positive people who will buoy you up during this time when you feel like you are swimming against the tide. Know that we are all praying right along beside you and even though you may not feel it sometimes, we hold you in our hearts and will be there for you through it all. xoxox

  5. Lana, Sometimes I think we should just listen with our Heart. Ive been where you stand right now with Henry with my sweet Mother. I know you and your husband are so worn out from this Fight for life. I will pray for you both to keep up with your fight! And know that whatever decision he makes you both will be in my thought and prayers.
    As always with Kindness & Love!
    your YT friend from Viva Las Vegas.. Lorrie xoxo

  6. I think Henry has it right. If the big C hasn't gone and all they can offer is cutting away his jaw etc, then all that will do is postpone the inevitable and really, it's the quality of life he has left and not the quantity.

    God bless you both - I really hope the Buggering Big C Buggers off! Love Lou xxxx

  7. My dearest Lana,

    Y'all have been in my thoughts and prayers since you told us. I haven't commented too often, as I often haven't anything profound to add to the comments of others. They say what I would.

    Though, not the exact same issue y'all are going through, mine is somewhat similar. My Mom has Adenocarcinoma of the Uterus. Dx'd Oct 2008, at the age of 65. Surgery to remove her Uterus, was Jan 2009. She and her doc decided on some type of Hormone Therapy. No "Chemo". No Radiation. This freaked me out! Adenocarcinoma [of any place] tends to return.

    It's the same type her mother had, just in a different part of the body. My beloved Grammie had Adenocarcinoma of the Breast, in the early 70's. I don't remember the specifics of her treatment [I was about 7 or 8], but, she did go into remission. About 10 yrs later, it returned and had spread to her bones, and took her life in Sept '84. She was 62.

    So, back to Mom. I told her of my fears, that it would come back, just like Grammie's and take her from us too! Mom said to me, "Listen. This is the way I want to deal with it! I don't want to go through all those treatments, and, still there's no guarantee it won't return! I've lived my life. I've done the things I've wanted to do. I'm content. So, if God says it's my time, then, it's my time and I'm Ok with that." ... as much as I hated to hear that, it made me realize that I was being selfish and that it's not MY decision to make! It's HERS. It's her life, her body, not mine! Does it suck, YES! But, what can I do? Other than, support her in her decision and to be there for her, if/when she needs me to be! And, I will!

    As I said before, I know this isn't exactly the same issue you're going through, but, I do understand you wanting him to do all that can be done! But, ultimately, it's HIS decision, HIS life, HIS body. Sucks, I know!

    So, my prayers will continue for y'all ... prayers for strength and guidance for the both of you! Prayers to ease any and all pain he may have. Prayers for y'all to be content in your decisions.

    MUCH love & MANY *hugz*
    Melissa [aka Mizladytaz]

  8. Dear Lana,

    Just want you to know I am thinking of you. I think the decision your husband has made is such a courageous one. He has been through so much already. I mean really what kind of quality of life does a person have left if they go through all of that surgery they can never eat normal again, talk to you, kiss you etc... So I praise Henry for Standing Up to Cancer and deciding that its going to be his way not Cancers way!!! I continue to pray that everything that he went through has done its job and that the cancer will be in remission and stay that way. In the meantime its time to get Henry strong and start enjoying life again. You are a part of my heart now Lana. Stay strong Henry!! Many hugs, thoughts and prayers to you both. As always, Faith, Hope & Love <3 Anita

  9. Lana,

    My thoughts are with you both, as always. Thank you for taking the time to post and update us. Choices are interesting, and sometimes we have to live with the choices of another. But I am glad that you are choosing happiness in the face of so much. You have inspired so many people to cherish the moments and we are all pulling for you.

    Hearts and thoughts,


  10. When it comes to cancer tests, treatments, rec's, it's all about yin and yang.
    There are the positives and negatives of life.
    Whatever decision you guys will make,
    live it to the fullest!

  11. Hi Lana,

    My grandfather only 61 years old had throat cancer (he lived with our family while being treated), he made the decision to start chemo and radiation for the family (if it were up to him he wouldn't have). It was entirely awful for him, he had his lower jaw removed and had a huge head brace with pins & screws stuck into his skull to secure the brace, he was in so much pain but always tried to hide his pain not too upset the family. Looking back I wish we had accepted his request to live happy and spend as much quality time with the family until his time came (without treatment). My grandfather was the light of my life (I'm convulsing as I cry writing this) he was such a good man to everyone, he lead an awful tragic year of his life to make his family happy (this is the type of man he was). The end was unexpected (I don't mean to scare you) he had a major heart attack (head gear and all) while taking a glass out of the dishwasher, I have never heard my father scream and cry so loud and hard, the sights and sounds of his death will forever be engraved in my head. My grandfathers weak body couldn't take treatment anymore and his heart simply gave out not at that instant but within 24 hours.

    I do believe your husband needs you to coach and guide him, but he is the only one who knows how he feels both mentally and physically, the thought of loosing a loved one is unbearable - I have since lost my father to cancer - 3 years ago, he did not receive treatment and we were able to say goodbye. My mom, sister and myself have an enormous bond now and have only just started to heal, we wish he were here but are so thankful he didn't suffer a traumatic death as did my grandfather, to this day I cannot look at the dishwasher in my mothers house the memory of finding my grandfather laying on the pronged dishwasher gives me severe anxiety.

    My mother has just finished her battle with Breast Cancer, her hair is growing back (really curly- she is pleased) , she had both breasts removed and is doing amazing! The success rate is very good with early detected breast cancer!

    I hope my message hasn't scared you but has provided an example of two amazing men who's life's were taken by cancer both with and without treatment, everyone has there own story and knows someone who has had cancer, don't you wish we could tell cancer to "F- OFF & DIE"? Wouldn't that be amazing?

    I give you and Henry my best wishes, blessings, prayers and more love than you can imagine from a loyal Youtube subscriber, my heart is with you both as well as your mother in-law and your entire family.

    You didn't mention how your mother in-law is doing? Could you give us an update?



  12. I understand Henry's need for quality life... I understand your thinking just one more round might be the end of this nightmare... Henry is a strong man to make this decision..I'm praying his healing is in the works with the treatments he's already endured.

  13. Hi Lana, thanks for posting and keeping us up to date. Glad to hear that you are taking some little time for yourself. As much as it is difficult and I would have many problems with Henry;s decision if I were in your place, I understand it completely. At some point people get tired of suffering and he has suffered a lot already. I admire him; he is a brave man to make that decision. It is his life and he knows how he feels. He wants and deserves quality of life. If they are going to remove so many parts of you that it will add more to your suffering and only delay the inevitable then what is the point. I hope and pray that the treatments he has had thusfar have eliminated the cancer and that it will go into remission. I pray for a miracle. People survive all the time and everyone responds differently. I think and pray for you guys on a daily basis
    Many hugs and much love to you and Henry.
    Donna from Amsterdam

  14. Sending love and prayers from Michigan.

  15. Here's the thing, that people who haven't had cancer or know any who's had cancer don't know about cancer treatment. The doctors will treat cancer until a person's final breath. They only know treatment so that's what they do; they treat it. This is no slam against doctors or cancer treatment. There is no cure so treatment is all there is, so that's what cancer is all about; treatment. The problem comes when someone who has cancer maybe doesn't wanted to be treated....to death. Only your husband can decide when enough treatment is enough. It's his life and he has that right. No one wants to die and most people who have cancer will just let the doctors treat them, no questions asked because they don't want to die and they hope that maybe one more treatment or one more surgery will get the rest of it. Maybe it will. But again, the person with the cancer is the one who should make that decision. The job of those around the patient is to give support and love and help in having a life that has quality; not just quantity.

  16. Lana - my dear you are not in limbo - you are still living life together, you are still loving each other... the answer to the questions isn't the important thing (is it gone?) the important thing is what you do with the time... don't deny yourselves the life in each step... I am with Henry (I've thought about what I'd do) and no way would I do the surgery... since they can't treat it with radiation/chemo anymore and the only thing is to start hacking away... I'd say pass. I'd live, love and dance with the parts I have for as long as I have...(at least I hope so) we never know do we, until it's us. I pray you peace that your hearts will be together in this... Much love, and light and God's healing power... PJ

  17. Lana and Henry:

    Sending love and prayers from Canada. Your journey is the road only you choose to take. We are here for support, prayers and encouragement.


  18. Lana, I can understand each of your trains of thought. I can see why Henry doesn't want to have the test if he does not intend to have anymore treatment. Maybe it's best to just live life to the fullest and not worry about things anymore. If he goes through with the test and it comes back that he still has the cancer but refuses treatment then you are going to be worried every day and Henry will be just counting the days. Live your lives and enjoy every minute of each other. Love & hugs to you both. . . Vickie

  19. Lana, I have often thought What would I or We ( my family) do if the big C came around. So many times I have heard people say I am not gonna go through all that and still die from it . But the truth is we don't really know what we would do until the C knocks on our door. I know you and Henry have done everything possible and I know you want to keep him for a long time and I am still praying that it is gone whether you go back and test or not. When my Mother in Law died from Cancer ...we regret so many things ...She had ignored it until it was bad when she finally told my sister in law and I ...and we (the family) wanted to fix it fight it all those things ..and the outcome was she had been given a few extra months of life by choosing the fight but her Quality of life those extra months were so poor it saddens me that we were a part of the decision to do the things we did. I learned alot when she got sick I learned so much about C and its nasty control it takes over your life with....I also learned what good is quantity ...if there is no Quality ..... I will keep you and Henry in my prayers as always and you are on my mind all the time. I love you dearly and I am here for you anytime of the day or night . ღSusieღ

  20. Henry needs and deserves to have some portion of control over his life...his body...his decisions. He understands his statistics are grim and wants some measure of dignity and quality of life. Just make sure pain management is as best as possible.

    Bless him and you, Lana!

    - Susie

  21. I can't imagine how traumatised you and Henry must feel, I am sending you the biggest hug and just want to tell you I love you guys even though we don't even "know" each other. Whatever choice you and Henry make will be the right one. I am praying every day that the cancer is gone. Love Sue (4utob) xxx

  22. Lana, I admire you and Henry so much. I know this is a nightmare for you both, but I admire you for respecting Henry's right to choose his own destiny. It may not be the same you'd have him choose, or choose for him, but it is his to choose. Please know I continue to send you both love and healing thoughts.

  23. Please trust Henry to make the decision that is best for him. We are all dying from the moment we are born and none of us are promised a tommorrow. Enjoy the time you have together! much love

  24. You would think that all the difficult questions have been answered. There's still more and it never ends. Your Henry has been through so damn much. I could understand why he wouldn't want to do anymore. I pray God's healing hands have taken care of the cancer. I don't think I'd want the surgery either. I'm not in that situation so I'm only surmising what I would feel. No matter what you want it's best to let Henry do what he feels best. No one but he knows how everything felt. It's such a scary time for both of you. God bless you both & your both still in my prayers.

  25. I love coming here and reading everyone's words of encouragement. There is still "good" left in the world, although I tend to forget that at times. I prayed for y'all several times today, and will again before I go to sleep. Know that so many people are out here praying. I hope y'all can feel the love and prayers.

  26. I haven't been in Henry's situation and I think it would be hard not to know but the "don't test what you won't treat"philosophy does make sense. What a tough situation. I pray for strength and peace and happiness for you both. Bethlovesenzo

  27. Lana I'm currently walking on eggshells because I've asked my Guardian Angels to go be with your Husband....and I must say they are pretty darn awesome! My prayers continue to be with You and remember to live the day given! This to shall pass....

  28. Hi Lana, I am 22 years old, and a huge follower of yours. Your blogs really hit home with me, I lost my mom to throat and lung cancer when I was 13 years old. I was young enough at the time to not understand the exact gravity of the situation, yet old enough to remember just how hard it is on the patient and the family. I remember those nights when she was in the hospital I would be crying at home while my dad tried to take on the normal duties which my mom normally did such as cooking and helping with homework, and I remember when she was at home how much she slept or got the shakes and lost her hair, and I never understood why that was happening to her. My mom never stopped her treatments because she wanted every chance she had to stay with me and my other siblings and dad, but in the end the cancer was too strong. I pray for Henry that he makes the right decision and that you and your family can stay strong and heal together through this rough time in your lives. I know you feel so weak and helpless at times, Lana, but please realize your feelings are all so just and rightful. Your blogs are not only therapeutic for you, but for us followers who have endured such pains as well. Cancer is an awful thing for anyone to experience, and I am so sorry this is happening. I will continue to pray for you and your family. Much love, Jessica from New Orleans, LA.

  29. Dearest Lana, I feel for you, truly I do and from first hand experience I know what you are passing through and feel every heart wrenching moment you experience. I also know and understand what Henry is passing through, how his thoughts have led him to such a decision, painful as it is for you to realise. Trust Henry's decision sweetheart and trust in God. That's all any of us can do and in the meantime we all pray with all our might for you both. Hope Lana, there is always hope. Cling to it both of you and don't give up. Much love and affection to you Lana, warm hugs to you both. Leyla xxxooo

    Dear Lana,
    I'm so sorry for everything that you and Henry are going through. I really hope you can watch the videos on www.oasisofhope.com. They have some treatments at their hospital that are designed to sooth and comfort you during cancer, not necessarily treat the cancer. I found out about their hospital when my husband went to a convention and brought home a copy of their book "Hope" for me to read. Neither one of us even knew anyone with cancer. I had been watching your videos on make-up for a while and then saw the video about Henry's cancer. It could be "meant to be" that I found out about this hospital so I could share the information with you. Also, with your airline background you could probably arrange an "air ambulance" type of trip so that the traveling wouldn't be so difficult. Anyway I hope you'll check it out and see if they could help you in any way during this very hard time.
    You are both in my thoughts and prayers,
    Take care,

  31. Oh Lana, I wish I could just wave a wand and banish cancer forever. It's such a crappy disease. I've lost family members because of it and I've seen what it does. Not only to the patient but the people who love them. I feel so sorry for you and Henry. You're both braver than you know. All I can do is continue sending mega doses of glitter, sparkles, twinkles, confetti, hugs and love your way. I read in Women's World magazine an article that said ask the Angels to help you. I will ask them, God and Sts. Jude and Anthony for their Love, Healing Power and Comfort for you and Henry. God Bless you both. Take care...

  32. ░▒▓█▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀█▓▒░



    So glad to hear from you.

    So sorry for your pain.

    You may want to look into that site Elizabeth mentioned.

  33. I just remembered this place:




  34. I remember the day I let go of control. I remember. You are both loved. <3

  35. God makes no mistakes. I totally understand Henry's point and I too would say no. God will decide and now there is no need to worry or panic or dread results, just enjoy each other. Myy love to you both in buckets xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxJoolsxxxxxxxxxxxx

  36. Lana, dear, I had the most craptastic day following the worst week. Feeling sorry for myself, then realized I hadn't checked for a new blog from you. Not sorry for myself any more. Sending you huge love. Trust Henry, let him drive the bus for a while. You can only do so much before you need a rest.

  37. I'm wishing and hoping and praying as hard as I know how for Henry to heal... and you too.
    Love to you both,
    Mary Sue

  38. Lana, Thank you so much for sharing with all of us. You have inspired such thoughtfulness and compassion---it may not seem like much, but it is inspirational. I know it is harsh, but death is the one and only outcome of life. Despite all of our technology and medicine and prayers, there is no other outcome. I believe that is a good thing... I explain death to my daughter as the process of leaving space for those who come after us. I think the best we can do is to live and love to the best of our ability, and then to accept the end of our story with grace. It may not be Henry's time to leave, or maybe it is. In either case, I love that you have chosen happiness and a limbo dance at this moment in time. I can't think of a better gift for a loved one who stands upon the precipice. Peace be with you, and with Henry.

  39. I imagine letting go and letting Henry decide what's right for him had to have been one of the hardest hurdles to date. It would be for me. I'm a fixer. A handler.."I'll handle it, don't worry". Are you a fixer too?
    Bless you both.

  40. Sending my love to both of you. xoxo Jeanie

  41. Lana, please listen to the song Mumford and Sons - Timshel

  42. I understand what you both are going thru. It is the most difficult time of your lives. But live each day to the fullest and show each other all the love you can right now. The love will last forever.

    After having all the chemo, radiation, blood work, transfusions, pokes, and jabs and appointment after appointment and pain and waiting and waiting....IS NOT....a good time to make a major decision in your life.

    I don't blame anyone for not wanting to jump into surgery which would disfigure their appearance. As a participant in the YouTube beauty channel, you know well that society is so 'visual' in judging people.

    You both have just fought through and finished the first phase of treatment, and it was a tough one.

    Now is the time to rest, reflect, heal. No major decisions. The shock of the initial diagnosis has not even worn off yet. For now, do what you can to have a healthy lifestyle while you both are healing and recovering. Consume good healthy food, take lots of vitamins, move around, read inspirational books that help you develop and stay in a positive frame of mind. Surround yourself with positive people.

    If blood transfusions, antibiotics and tweeks here and there are necessary to stabilize and maintain some normalcy and to progress toward better health ....do it.... it's just part of the next phase of healing.

    I think Henry should continue receiving medical treatment, but no disfiguring surgery, until you both have time to rest and think clearly, to see what's happening day by day, and then to go from there.

    I have sent a prayer request to the ARE - Association of Research and Enlightenment which has a World Prayer group. This is a spiritually powerful organization and I'm sure the prayers from all around the world will help you two find your way.

  43. Lana, I continue to deal with ovarian cancer. I totally understand Henry's reasoning. Hopefully, he will be able to eat and again and regain some quality of Life and then what ever happens, happens.

    I have met some women with ovarian cancer who fight and suffer horribly to the very end and then there are others who feel they have done all they can do and they are the ones that seem to go quickly and in Peace.

    I know it's hard for you, but I feel that it is important to respect Henry's wishes.

    Love You,

  44. Thinking of you and your family....may you find acceptance during this time ..regardless of the outcome. With you in spirit Lana~ DarJadon

  45. Thinking of you Lana.

    My father is similar in that he said if the quality of life isn't there, then he's ready to go. I know these are his wishes and as much as I would miss him, departure is a fact of life. It doesn't mean he wouldn't fight, like you and Henry have fought to get better. But if the jig is up, I know his wishes. He knows I love him.

    As for your son, dear Lana, I wonder if he's a little bit into the drama. Have him come home for a weekend to see the depths of Love, in sickness and in health. Ask him if he thinks malice, spite, and childish behavior has any room in such relationships where you can experience this kind of love and support. Hope he learns that risking one's heart is a worthy endeavor and moving on is necessary. True character shows when the right decision isn't the easy decision and choosing the right over the easy.

  46. Sending you all my faith and strength and love, sweet Lana. We are all still here, praying constantly for you and your whole family!!! Much love, Ria

  47. You and your dear husband continue to have my prayers Lana.
    I do not understand this horrible cancer. It seems I remember a time when if you heard of someone with cancer you would gasp as it just didn't happen that much. Now everyone has friends or family who have had this horrible thing enter their lives.
    My beautiful mother went to Heaven in December because of this ugly cancer.
    I pray for God to take it away from all of us.
    Even though we have never met you would be surprised how much you are in my daily thoughts Lana and hundreds of others you have touched through your videos. We are like one gigantic bear hug for you.
    God bless you and Henry.

  48. Hi (((LANA)))

    "I would rather be happy, than right" is originally from A Course in Miracles ... which may just be helpful to you right now ...

    Also, I wanted to share this poem w/ you:
    "What Cancer Cannot Do
    It cannot ... invade the soul
    suppress memories
    kill friendship
    destroy peace
    conquer the spirit
    shatter hope
    cripple love
    corrode faith
    steal eternal life
    silence courage"

  49. www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmxcotW-O0w&feature=feedrec_grec_index

  50. Lana,
    Get down on your knees, clasp your hands together and ask Jesus to come into your heart. Askhim to help you and Henry get thru this.
    With a sincere heart he will hear your prayer. KNOW THAT

  51. For whatever it's worth...I would advise that you guys start living your lives. As soon as Henry is able - do things you had put off. Have fun! Take your family on a extravagant vacation or cruise. Buy something frivolous that Henry has always wanted - like a red convertible sports car! Yes, he shouldn't be in the sun but the sun doesn't shine 24/7. Hurry - winter is coming! But whatever you do - don't stop LIVING!! My brother who passed 2 1/2 years ago had precious little time or money (didn't want to spend what little he had in hopes he would beat it) and unfortunately wasn't able to do those things. He hoped to take a vacation with his daughters but he got too sick too quickly. Still keeping you guys in my prayers.

  52. Dear Lana
    I've watched your videos for a long time, I took a break from YouTube and came back to read your descriptions of your husband's illness and how it has affected your life. I've witnessed how a dear friend of mine went through a similar type of situation, so I feel for you and your husband. I'm not religious, so I can't offer words of wisdom of that kind. I can only say that I sincerely hope that you will have the necessary courage at every turn of the road from now on, for every difficult decision. And that you will be able to draw strength from those around you. Reach out and take what other people have to offer when you are able to do that. It does help a little bit. A thought is what I will end this comment with: I don't think that your husband is saying no to life itself in saying no to more tests or treatment. He is not saying no to you and your life together. He is perhaps, in the only way possible at this time, saying yes to whatever time you two have together, be it days, weeks, months, as far away as possible from the shadows of his terrible illness.

    I wish you courage, tears that will comfort and calm you a little bit and not just upset you, good sleep, the joy of small things like warm tea or a hot shower and moments of love and tenderness with your husband.

    All my best,

  53. Dear Lana,
    I send you and your family my prayers. My uncle had throat cancer, it actually came back after years and years of it being gone. He went through chemo and even flew to 2 different states to get other doctor's diagnosis and possible treatments. His throat cancer was located in a very delicate part that surgery was not an option...It is hard to see someone you love go through such a difficult time, especially since it feels like there is nothing you can do....But what me and my entire family did was every Friday night we would meet at his house and pray and just keep him company even on those days he just had finished chemo and has no energy or enthusiasm to be around anyone.

    I think him seeing us weekly and praying kept him from giving up, he knew we were there and wanted to fight this with him...He is still fighting and so are we....We are just keeping faith.

    I pray for you, your husband and the rest of your family.


  54. Sending love, love, love and tons more love to you and Henry. Find your own path, walk your own walk. We all love you and will support you. You are in my thoughts and prayers every day. Love you Hugs xxxx Eva

  55. Lana - I am fretting a bit for you - it's the 19th now and we haven't heard from you - OMG I just pray that everything went ok on the 15th... we love you...

  56. Worrying - I hope that things are ok. Rereading your post makes me think about you and Henry enjoying Jamaica (a place I love so much). I know that things have got to be tough right now but we're all praying for y'all!

  57. Dearest Lana, I think of you and Henry, and pray for you both continually. God is totally in control. I'm praying and believing for a miracle. Big hugs to you both,~Marilyn

  58. Dear Lana,

    Your thousands of friends (some who you may never know) and support group are constantly thinking and praying for you and your husband. I haven't heard from you in a while and while it is worrying, I know that God has you in his hands and is with you through every minute of it all.

    God bless my friend,


  59. I look for you every day, and every day I pray. It's all I know to do for you. May God's strength be your strength. May God's peace be your peace.
    Luv U

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