Nothing Left Today

Sunday
Today,  I am writing this because I have a break. Two minutes.
 I have had so many notes and letters and calls wondering "Why no blog post?" 
"Is everything ok?"
No. Not really. It's not.


My husband is better one day and then bottoms out the next. Two trips to the ER. IV fluids every Thursday and blood work. 
Vomiting.
Diarrhea one day
Constipation the next.
Did I say vomiting? 
Anti-nausea meds and Murilax.
Which is it today? Vomiting.


Blood results call for blood transfusions.Hemoglobin is as low as it gets.
6-8 hours in the Emergency Room.
New blood. Thank You to whoever donated this blood. Who are you?


My Mother in law is dying.
My heart is breaking.
Will I ever stop crying?


I can't go next door to see her. I have nothing left. Zero.
I feel so guilty. My mother in law is like the mom I never had to me and I can't see her like this. I can't spare one second of heartache to give her? 
I feel so numb and empty today. Hopeless.


My son just called. His girlfriend left him. He told me he wants to starve himself to death.
I just hung up on him.  My heart is wrung out to the last drop.
Tomorrow will be better, right?