The "C" Word

Typing this out and even putting that word out into the stratosphere brings me to my knees. We have a name for it but what kind of cancer?
Where?
What can we do about it? 
What are our options?
I know that our next step and our next one after that in this horrible journey is going to be important but WHAT do we do? Let's get started!
I am a sleeper. I can sleep thru tornados, noise, turbulence, anything. I once fell asleep at a Harlem Globetrotter's Game in Atlanta. Packed house. Embarrassed but hey, it was a great nap.


Lately, I wake up 6 -7 times a night and think "Ok, this is all a really bad dream."
Who's nightmare did we stumble into anyway? This doesn't happen to us. 
We're young and fabulous. Smart and funny. We pay taxes!
My husband and I have always had a great relationship but now, we are like two tiny seahorses clinging to each other in a very big and extremely rough sea. 

The CT Scans showed some ugly tumors, more than 5 on his neck. One is so large it is beginning to block the windpipe. That's why all the bloody noses and coughing up blood. (Those have all but  stopped now and that fact makes me nervous)
Today, we have to go 3 counties over to get the best but also the quickest consult on a biopsy. Time is a factor now.  They keep saying that but yet nothing through this has moved quickly. 
I have so many questions but no one has any answers. I suppose this biopsy will tell at least part of the story and I fear it. 
There are two words I do NOT want to hear. 
Esophageal Cancer. 
It's a sad day when you almost welcome the thought of "Throat Cancer" as it has a few options. Hey, we will take anything that has a chance to fight against.
Michael Douglas fought it and won and so can we.

I want to Thank each and every one of you for all of the wonderful heartfelt prayers and notes. Each one makes me cry and each one is a Blessing. You are all appreciated more than you know. Just the thought that you are sending messages to God above gives me hope.
PS. Take extra time for those you love. We take each other for granted. Tomorrow is promised to no one.

A Journey of Fear

Today I'm writing this blog more as a way to write a note to myself. I want to cry and scream and do SOMETHING! But what?
My best friend, my husband seems to be in trouble. I know I say things about him at times in my videos to be funny but this isn't funny. 
He has been my "straight man" for years now. You know, the one that laughs at my corny jokes and keeps it all in perspective but I see him laughing and trying to hide it. 
Poor man. He's had to live with me for so long. He tells me daily that no one laughs harder at my silliness than me and he's right. I met and fell in love with him because he makes me laugh. Daily. He is my light. He keeps me from spinning out of control.


Lately, he has had these spells where he coughs up blood but never says a word about it to anyone. (I see traces in the bathroom) Now bloody noses every day. His appetite isn't what it used to be, his voice is raspy, difficulty swallowing and most upsetting of all both sides of his neck have these massive lumps. The one on the left is the size of a lime! 
Finally, FINALLY,  this last Thursday he agreed to go see our family doctor. My husband never goes to the doctor and never ever complains. Ever! I stub my toe and will complain for a week. 
Our doctor was even scared. I could tell from his reactions to the symptoms.
He has a CT Scan scheduled for Tuesday. To say I am not worried is an exaggeration to say the least.
I looked on-line for signs and symptoms relating to what he is going thru and that scared me even more! I had to slam my laptop closed and cry. Michael Douglas.
His mom is 95 and in a nursing home. He is a workaholic and...
 Oh, there are so many things I could write to the good of this wonderful man but it makes me cry. I refuse to cry when he's around. 
I'm scared.
I can't even imagine his fears. The worst part is not knowing. This isn't happening to ME but I've never felt such fear.
Tuesday seems light years from now. I want to blink my eyes and have this all be a dream. Forever the optimist I pray for a good outcome.  
Dear God....