Monday, November 3, 2014

Was My Husband Cheating? Susan K Clisby HOMEWRECKER

My darling husband died in June. Almost every week someone would leave a red or pink rose on his grave. Once the absolute numbness of losing him wore off and I began to take notice of the things around me, I began asking family and friends if THEY had left a rose. Always the same answer…. No.
It continued. 
Late summer, Fall and even the dead of winter. Every time I went to visit and grieve for my husband, a rose was there. It truly began to make me feel upset and uncomfortable. My husband's grave was all I had of him. That and our precious memories. Why would someone intrude on that?
Time passed. Life went on. Days came and went. The grief was always there waiting to bubble up at a song, a smell or a memory. 

3 Months later, I had posted a blog about my sadness and grief. 
It was less than 4 days later I got this note in the mail:

I stumbled across your website a couple of years ago.
Your videos and blog actually made me throw up in my mouth!
Nobody cares what you wore to the funeral. You are a Martyr widow. Nobody cares that you wore black gloves. But, really, my dear, long black gloves in 90 degree weather? A big fine from The Fashion Police. You are not a movie star or royalty so come down off your high horse. Your story about the "five dots" just makes you delusional. You and your DEAD husband had seperate lives. At least HENRY did, if you get what I mean.
Personally, you are Trailer Trash and the perfect example of how money can't buy you class.
Henry deserved better.

I was shocked, hurt and stunned. 
What kind of woman writes a note like that just to hurt? I have always been an advocate and strong supporter of women. 
Writing a note to criticize what I wore to put my husband in the ground for eternity? Why would she even care? 
Was my husband cheating on me? 
I didn't ever feel that he was. We were happy together and in love.
I never had that "gut" feeling. We were together almost constantly.
Even if he was cheating on me,  what she was doing was nothing more than mean and so cruel!
I had no proof. I had no peace.
I began to suspect everyone! Stranger's that smiled at me in the grocery store. People I didn't know that added me on FaceBook. 
Even friends. I felt as though I was in a bubble and just the slightest thing could burst it and I would disappear completely. 
I had to know. My close friends volunteered to go stake out the cemetery. All I wanted was a name. A face.

The roses continued.
I placed our wedding picture in a beautiful frame and had it waterproofed and placed it lovingly at his tombstone.
Our Wedding….A happier time and place.  
The picture disappeared.
Still the roses came.
I went to winter at my Florida home in the sunshine. Henry never far from my heart and mind.
I returned. More fresh roses lying on my husbands grave in the sweet smell of newly cut grass and Indiana sunshine.

In late June this year, I decided to hell with my humiliation. What did it matter anyway? Isn't catching and exposing this person more important  than feeling embarrassed and humiliated? I was hurt enough. Nothing he/she could ever do could hurt as much as losing my sweet Henry so I began asking friends what they would do? I also posted a YouTube video explaining it all.

After a lengthy discussion my good friend Kevin told me to place a deer camera on a tree in the cemetery to catch whoever it was. 
A what?
I never knew they had such a thing…..
He helped me choose one and place it in the proper place near my husband's grave.
More later……

Monday, September 2, 2013

Some Help From Heaven

Ok, let's see if I can write this without breaking down completely....

After my husband died, each of his three sons  came to me to ask if they could have his Rolex watch. 

The fact that there are 3 boys and only one watch and I had bought it for him as a Christmas gift, I told each of them that I would rather keep it myself. 
It broke my heart to turn them down. They were hurting just as bad as I was. They lost their dad/best friend/boss after all. 

It was a decision I would later regret....

After my husband died, I had moved, re-arranged my life, made adjustments. Learned to cope.

I paid off my house, moved, bought two cars, made decisions I hadn't had to make in many years. My husband did it all.
He was gone.

I had to have some small construction done in my Florida home. I hired a crew to do the work. All was going ok.

The house seemed alive with people.
The men were in and out of my house every day beginning at 7:00 a.m. to end of day.
One of the men from the construction crew saw and remarked on my husbands beautiful watch. 
"Wow, that's one pretty watch."  He declared when he saw it as he passed through the Master Suite where I had placed it the night before.

I made a quick mental note to hide it in the house or to take it to my safe deposit box.... The landline phone rang...  the conversation forgotten  as I ran to answer it in the bustle of the buzzing saws and hammering noises of the construction going on in the next room.

That night,  as I lay in bed reflecting on the happenings of the day, I remembered and as I raced to check on it,  the watch was gone! Gone!

Disappeared from the place it was just that morning. 
My heart sank.

I immediately called the police. 

A flood of regret washed over me. My beautiful husband's watch on another man's arm? Lost? Missing. 
I felt so broken. 
Why hadn't I given it to one of the boys? At least then it would be safe. Treasured. Still in the hands of those that love my husband not some stranger.

Sadly, the police took my information, filed a report and told me they would do what they could to trace it if it showed up in a pawn shop but warned me that the chances were slim of ever getting it back. 

The owner of the construction company had nothing to offer in the way of help either. I had no proof. There was only my suspicion that the young man that had asked about it had actually taken it.  
My chances of ever seeing that watch again were slim to none.
I felt so hopeless.

I can't do anything right!

Who allows their deceased husband's watch to be stolen from their own home????

I had many things of my husband's that evoked so many sweet memories of him but I could squeeze my eyes shut real tight and SEE that watch on his big strong arm when he was alive and healthy. 

The bright shiny gold would glitter in the sun as we would walk hand in hand into church on a beautiful Sunday morning. Out to dinner and I would see it on his wrist in the dim light of a candlelit restaurant as he reached across the table to grasp my hand. Every night I would see it on his side of the bed carefully placed on the night stand ready to be worn to the office as he rushed out the door.

Weeks passed then months. No word from the Florida State Police Department. Nothing. 

Not a day passed by that I would not think of my husband and his missing watch. It was eating my soul to know I had let it slip away.

My husband's birthday was approaching.  May 6.

His first birthday away from me. All I could do was cry. 
I miss him so much. Every day.

 May 6, 2013

I went to the cemetery in the morning. As I stood there in the early light of the beautiful spring day, I told my husband what had happened. Explained my stupidity. Not just about the watch but many other stupid things I have done in the months since he passed.

I slowly drove home. Going to the cemetery was my way of going to "visit" my husband and it always made me feel sad but slightly better to know he was lying there waiting for me... someday. 

We share a headstone.  

When I arrived home, my phone rang. 

Pinellas County Police Department. 
They found the watch!!!

What? Really? How?

The person that stole it had posted it for sale on Craigslist. 

It was posted at 11:30 p.m. and it was recovered by midnight and on it's way back to me via USPS overnight. 

I got my husband's precious watch back and will watch over it like it's Fort Knox from now on. 

I don't believe that the deceased can see ALL we do but I believe they do know what is bothering us.  
To get that watch returned at all was a miracle. To get it back on my husband's birthday confirms that to me. I was beating my self up every single day for letting it slip away from me. 

Rest in Peace Sweet Henry. Every second that ticks by on your precious watch reminds me of you.

 I love and miss you so much.

Here is the Craigslist posting that the police were able to trace to the stolen watch:

Saturday, May 11, 2013

The Power of Love Part 1

The Power of Love

I'm sorry I haven't made a YouTube video in such a long time. My heart hasn't been in it lately but I will return.
That's not why I'm writing today. I want to tell of you of the sweetest love story I know. One that makes me cry while typing this out.

In October a few years back I wrote about my beautiful friend Candy and her survival story of Breast Cancer. 
Sadly she passed away last week. 
She won and fought for so long. Her breast cancer showed it's ugly face when she was in her 30's. After her mastectomy, she had breast reconstruction surgery. The plastic surgeon tunneled fat from her tummy and formed a new breast from that fat. 
All was wonderful.
She was alive and felt whole again after the dreadful loss of a breast. (All of us as women know how painful a loss  that would be)
28 years later, about a year ago,  Candy began experiencing horrible pain in her stomach. The cancer had a trail to go to and it was now in her stomach lining. She was in for the fight of her life. She went thru chemo and more chemo. So much chemo that her fingertips turned black and were numb. She lost her hair and it grew back, more chemo and gone again.
Finally, her doctors told her there was nothing more they could do. They sent her home with a morphine pump and a bag to go to the bathroom in....

Candy had been married for years to the man of her heart. Her soulmate Dan. She loved him with all of her being. He loved his booze and other illegal things.  They divorced but Candy never stopped  her love and affection for Dan. She did everything to mend the relationship but it was not to be. Dan loved her too but had other loves.

The doctors told hospice no more food or water for Candy. She would lie in bed wracked in pain and ask about her one love, Dan.
For 5 weeks Candy hung on. There was no medical reason for her to still be here. Still be on Earth, still alive, still loving Dan.
Every day she asked for him. 

The doctors and nurses were amazed she was still clinging to life.

Everyone would say, "What is she waiting for?"

She was waiting for Dan!

Last week Candy took her last breath. Her beautiful heart stopped beating. 
When we knew she was gone, we were all so sad but so relieved she was no longer suffering. No longer in pain....
She was gone.
We got the call later that night that Dan had died. 
6 hours after Candy took her last breath at home. Dan died in a hospital emergency room 2 miles away from liver failure. 
Candy was waiting on Dan.
The most ironic part of all.....
They both died on their wedding anniversary!
Their daughter Dani lost her mother and her father all in one night.
6 hours apart.

I truly believe in my heart that Candy waited on Dan. Her heart knew he would need her where they were going. I believe and all of her family and friends believe that her love for him waited to hold his hand and take him to eternity together.
I write this sobbing. 
A more pure love story could not be made up like this. I think love can be as strong as the Heaven's.

Next time I write I want to tell you how my darling husband helped me from his grave. It was like he was guiding me. Helping me. I'm too emotional right now to tell it all but it's a powerful love story too.
Until next time... 
Cherish those you love like there's no tomorrow. 

I love you all. 

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Vampire Face Lift

Vampire Face Lift

So, I did a video a week or so ago after being away from YouTube for well over a year.
It was very liberating and fun! 
I was back.
I missed all of you so much and especially missed the "friendships" that I have developed thru the years on the web with all of you.
I truly did miss you and thought of you many times. But... I digress.

The first video back, I was a nervous wreck. 
Would I still be able to sit in my bathroom in front of my little "Flip-Cam" and talk to you in coherent sentences? 

I did it!
I was back.
I can do it and loved doing it. The interactions from you are what I missed most. Sweet, beautiful comments and so much love! 
I was back.

Being caretaker to a dying loved one can and will take it's toll. You hair goes dull, your mind loses it's sharpness.  Your looks go hollow.
You can either gain or lose weight.
I gained! Boy did I gain!

Then... he died.
I lost.
I lost so much including weight.

My features seemed to crumble and when I looked in the mirror 6 months later, I didn't even recognize myself. 
After my husband's death, I was convinced I had less than 6 months to live. 
I planned my funeral down to the last detail. Gave  my boys explicit instructions on what to do with my estate and all of my worldly possessions.
I was going to be gone anyway, why bother with living? Why buy anything or worry about how I looked. 
My clothes hung off me by now. 
I had lost 35 pounds by the time I finally woke up!
Who was I anymore?

I decided I needed outside help STAT!
After being in Florida, I went to see a wonderful doctor and his work seemed to be a miracle in my life. 
I am not going to die!
I am 57 years old. I have a lot of living to do. 
I joined a gym. 
I made an appointment at a Rejuva spa and my entire outlook changed that day. 
I was back!!

The doctor told me of a procedure that uses your own blood and spins it down to a serum of platelet rich plasma that he injects into your face to fill in hollows and form an under the skin roadmap to rebuild valuable collagen and a network of Fibrin Matrix under the skin. 

In one simple sentence....
Within one to three months of treatment, Selphyl reverses the ravages of time. Damage from age and weather begin to disappear.
They call this the Vampire Face Lift because it uses your own blood to give you a non-surgical facelift!

Here's how it went for me:
I agreed to to have my doctor perform the procedure. He asked me if I wanted a Dental Block for the pain? 
Uhmmm. Yes!
He injected a numbing agent into the gum line on top and bottom. 3 shots to the gums upper and 3 shots to the lower and my entire mouth was numb. I felt as if I had eaten a case of frozen Popscicles. 
While that was taking effect he took 3 vials of blood from my arm. No pain no gain, right?

The blood vials he puts into a centrifuge (looks like a toaster oven) to spin the blood to a clear serum. The precious vials of clear liquid he sets on a sterile tray.
By now, my mouth has no feeling. 
My tongue. 
Is it dangling out of the corner of my face? 
I haven't got a clue. I can't feel a thing.
In a series of quick shots with many needles (probably 50) he injects my own cells back into me only now into my haggard face. 
Nothing foreign. It's all mine!
He explains that it will be days or even weeks before I see results. The network of stem cells are in place and can begin doing their job. 
My mouth and face are numb. I look like I stuck my face into a very large bee hive on a sunny day and got the crap stung out of me. 

I get no real instructions except not to use my Clairsonic for 24 hours. 

Total cost?
One more dose in two months at half that price.
$1,800.00 to rewind your face 10- 15 years?
Some bruising that fades each day but is easily covered with a good concealer.
I go back to work the next day.

2 Weeks Later:
Every day I wake up and see a subtle difference. It's not really like a filler but it's more a softening of your face. 
This morning I looked in the mirror and said to my reflection there,
"Well, Hello! Who are you?
Where did you come from? 
I don't know but I like you!"
I am back!

I am very pleased with the results and will go back in 4 weeks for the 2nd round. Results generally last 3 years. 
That's a long time. 3 years.
I hope this answers any questions you may have. I will drag my camera along on my next visit and film it. 
I love you all. xo

Monday, February 4, 2013

Working Girl

Hello Again My Lovely and Beautiful Friends.

Not because I am broke or in debt, I am going back to work. 

My husband insured I would be taken care of long into my 90's and beyond. 

He simply didn't want me to have to depend on a man for support in any way. I'm happy he did that for me not because of the money but because of the independence and freedom to go and do what I want and need to do. I have several girlfriends that lost their beloved husbands only to lose their homes and lifestyles as well. 

The house in Key Largo sold. It was to be mine for a year. I gave it up as soon as I was able to physically get on a plane and manage the move. 

It was hard. So many memories there. Beautiful memories of a time when we were happy and healthy.
It's hard to go from being happily married to suddenly single.
Had my husband left me for another woman I could have tried to get him back. Fought for him. Begged, pleaded and worked to keep him close and mine. 
He didn't leave me for another woman. 
He died. 
He left me to save a spot for me at his side in Heaven. 

I know he's near me daily. I see him every time the sun rises in the morning. When the Florida wind kicks up and I feel the soft breeze on my face... I know he's there. Beside me. 

I fought. I fought hard for him to stay here but God wanted him there. 
I begged and pleaded and worked so hard to keep him with me.
I made deals with God. God had other plans for a great man.
Who am I to argue with God?

I bought a new house closer to my son here in Florida. I am keeping my Indiana home and will fly back and forth.  Being here has been healing for me. 

Anyway, I am doing well. 
Not 100% yet but it will come. 
I applied to three airlines and am going back to flying. It's my passion. One doesn't work simply because they are broke. 
I love to work. Sitting and staring at walls all day gets very old and extremely exhausting. I may be 57 years old but I am far from dead! 
I love people and feel I still have plenty to offer this planet so off to work I go.

Getting up in the morning and having a plan is very liberating. 
Sure, with all of the money my husband left me, I could shop and lunch with friends all day. Buy exotic cars, travel the world, drip myself in diamonds but that is simply not me. 

I love you all and will do videos soon. I miss my YouTube channel but the time just hasn't felt right. It will. 

I have found that all things good come in due time when the timing is right.
Love and Peace,

Saturday, September 29, 2012

"No Cry" Days

The old saying is that a widow should not buy anything or sell anything for a year after her husbands death. No major decisions to made within that 365 day exile. 
So... I tried that for 3 months. It blows!
What? Sit and look at walls? Wear black for months and go to the cemetery? Not smile or chat or laugh?
I did all that too.
It's exhausting and it does nothing more than cement into your skull that your man is gone. It is all a constant reminder of sadness. Don't get me wrong. I am sad. I cry on people.
Oh Lord do I cry on poor unsuspecting people!

I went to see my dentist. I had neglected most everything about myself so it was time. My dentist is also a friend. He entered the exam room with my x-rays in hand, said hello, touched my arm and in 1.3 seconds, I was blubbering all over his scrub-shirt. Not just the pretty tears that fall from your eyes like in movies but the full-on sobbing UGLY cry. 
(I may have to switch dentists now I am so embarrassed)
Same with my Priest. My postman. My Veterinarian.  The cashier at the grocery...
The list goes on, I am sorry to say.
Hey.. I think I we get a pass when we lose a loved one. 
So, back to better news...
I decided to break all of the rules of being a widow.
I always claimed to be a "rule-breaker" so why stop now?
I'm done caring if people in my community judge me for crying too much. 
I hear them whispering... 
"Oh look, she cries too much. Her black dress is so big on her. She looks awful. Her eyes are red.
She's lost weight. She's aged 10 years."

Oh, Bite Me!

If people have so much to say about YOUR life... That says very little about their own, right?

Words to live by.
I haven't got all the answers on how to act or what to do. I never have! We just do what we can. Life is short. I plan on living each and every day in honor of my husband but to the fullest.
I ran away from home!
It's so liberating. I am going back in a week.
Don't want to but have to...
Some of Henry's old football players from the Denver Broncos and basketball buddies from Purdue are honoring him with a benefit memorial. All proceeds will go to the Purdue Athletic Department in his name. It will be a sad and emotional day but I have my Big Girl Panties all picked out and laid out for that day. 
I can DO this and I will. 
Oh and I bought a new car. My dream car. 
I thought it would make me happy. Things don't make you happy. People do. 
I have amazing people in my life.
I am so blessed.
More later.
I Love You.