Round 3 and Still Fighting

Thursday
Not sure of the time but don't really care. 
Mid Morning lets say.


Thursdays are busy.
As usual, first stop: The Blood Lab for blood work and to check BUN, creatinine levels and white blood counts, potassium, magnesium etc.
We arrive 5 minutes late because I spent too much time applying nail polish. I actually spilled the bottle all over my pretty white bathroom.  Two months ago, I would have been livid at myself but today all I care about is being late and causing the day to be late from the start.

10 minutes to take blood from the IV Port and then off to radiation. We are now more than half way thru. They told us he doesn't have to fulfill the entire 9 weeks now and only 8. Yippee! Or... Hmmm, why is that? I'll ask that question tomorrow or perhaps never.
Henry has lost so much weight that his dreaded mask no longer fits his face and they now have an issue with it. His throat is bright red as if he has spent 6 weeks straight in the hot Gobi Dessert sun with no water, just blaring white-hot sun to the throat and neck. Absolutely zero saliva, dry mouth and earaches. No taste and raspy voice. Sores appearing inside the mouth and on his tongue. Oh Ouch. My heart breaks.
No food now for over a month. I can't imagine not eating for a day let alone an entire month!

On Mondays and Fridays, the doctor wants us to always have a visit to see how things are going. Most all of the lymph nodes involved in the neck have shrunk. You can actually see the effects from the radiation. All but one that is. One was so large it seemed to be growing and creeping up his jawline to almost the eye socket. The doctor measured it on Monday and it showed no signs of taking a quick exit like from a burning aircraft. It's exactly the same size.  All week this week the machine has been mal-functioning so it seems like they are doing over-kill on everyone. That's the rumor in the waiting room anyway.



 Radiation is over for the day so we take the short walk across campus once again for our fun stint in the puke green chairs for chemo.  Joy.

After a quick weigh in and a consult with the Nurse Practitioner we find the BUN and Magnesium levels are off but the chemo will proceed for today but most likely won't happen next week as it will instead be an infusion of Magnesium and who knows what else. 
While there, I got the brilliant idea to ask what the couple from New York asked last week to get the precise staging for this crappy evil disease we are fighting so hard against.
She gives us a quick but thorough lesson on Cancer Staging.


Here's the run down.

2002 American Joint Committee on Cancer (AJCC) TNM Staging System for the Pharynx (Including Base of Tongue,Soft Palate, and Uvula) T1: Tumor 2 cm or less in greatest dimension T2: Tumor more than 2 cm but not more than 4 cm in greatest dimension T3:Tumor more than 4 cm in greatest dimension T4a: Tumor invades the larynx, deep/extrinsic muscle of tongue, medial pterygoid, hard palate, or mandible T4b: Tumor invades lateral pterygoid muscle, pterygoid plates, lateral nasopharynx, or skull base or encases carotid artery

Nx: Regional lymph nodes cannot be assessed N0: No regional lymph node metastasis N1: Metastasis in a single ipsilateral lymph node, 3 cm or less in greatest dimension N2: Metastasis in a single ipsilateral lymph node, more than 3cm but not more than 6 cm in greatest dimension, or in multiple ipsilateral lymph nodes, none more than 6 cm in greatest dimension, or in bilateral or contralateral lymph nodes, none more than 6 cm in greatest dimension   N2a: Metastasis in a single ipsilateral lymph node more than 3cm but not more than 6 cm in greatest dimension   N2b: Metastasis in multiple ipsilateral lymph nodes, none more than 6 cm in greatest dimension   N2c: Metastasis in bilateral or contralateral lymph nodes, none more than 6 cm in greatest dimension N3: Metastasis in a lymph node more than 6 cm in greatest dimension

Stage 0: Tis N0 M0 Stage I: T1 N0 M0 Stage II: T2 N0 M0 Stage III: T3 N0 M0, T1 N1 M0, T2 N1 M0, T3 N1 M0 Stage IVa: T4a N0 M0, T4a N1 M0, T1 N2 M0, T2 N2 M0, T3 N2 M0, T4a N2 M0 Stage IVb: T4b Any N M0, Any T N3 M0 Stage IVc: Any T Any N M1

Complicated, huh?
When I asked the Nurse Practitioner which one my husband has ... she told me the  last two that I underlined and highlighted. 
OMG.
I am on my macbook now but too confused and worried to go check out the statistics etc right now. We are 3 hours in and 3.5 hours more to go.

My husband just had to ask "Ok, if next week, I am not well enough or my blood levels are not right, is it like I didn't get my homework handed in on time and it's just an automatic "F" and that's it or do I have to stay after and do a detention later to make it up?"
The nurses all laughed and said "No, you will just be one less chemo treatment. No makeup work."
That sounds well and good but with the way I worry I am concerned this crap may come back and then what?
His staging looks horrible to me, the radiation machine malfunctions and now one less chemo treatment? 

Perhaps I just over worry. I am now worrying that I worry too much. Premature wrinkles?
*sigh*
I'll go check out these stages and survival rates and if I don't pass out from what I discover, I will write on here soon.
Have a wonderful weekend and if I miss a few days, we are fine and probably just resting.
(I still want to escape to Pompeii) 
A Girl can Dream, right?

Blue-Capped Vial of Blood :(

I apologize for not posting yesterday. Yesterday was brutal. I took a day off. 
I wish Cancer would.
I can't stand that word. It makes me want to rage and pull my hair out and go kick someone right where it hurts. You see, we all go on living our lives in such a bubble of innocence. Sure, I have friends and heard stories of cancer and illness. Who hasn't? But when it comes to visit  YOUR house like some unwanted filthy houseguest to wreak havoc and steal your life, then you're changed forever.
Yesterday our office trip to Inner Vision for the PET Scan began at 7:45 am. 
Blood work, EKG, Chest xRay, another CT Scan ended at 3:00. 4:00 was the consult with the surgeon for the biopsy on Wed morning surgery. 
It's funny, the nurses give YOU the blood to take to the lab be analyzed. They also give YOU a CD that holds your life on a disk. All of your scans, reports and results are on this disk. I wanted to take it home put it in my MacBook and hit "Reject."  
Be gone you cancer bastard!


They gave me his 4 vials of blood to take to the lab. I had it sitting right next to me in the passenger seat of my car  like a VIP passenger. One 1st class ticket to the lab. 
I get it there safely and the tech tells me I didn't have the "Blue-Capped" vial of Blood. 


What the hell does that mean? 
I have this blood in a sealed bag with red and yellow stickers all over it. I stood there like some confused passenger that ended up in Shanghai when they were supposed to have landed on a beach in Monaco. 
I think my mouth was even gapped open in confusion as I stood there at the lab window.
The rude tech said "You didn't bring the Blue Capped Vial of Blood. Go get it! You have to go get it! I need more blood here, lady!"
I felt as tho I had failed everyone. I had one task to do and I couldn't even do that right. 
I stood there in the middle of the Medical Arts building in my wrinkled up linen suit and cried. 
I completely lost it.  
I don't mean tears running down my face, I mean full-blown sobbing and wailing.  It wasn't pretty. I can usually hold it together but I even failed at that.
I completely lost it. It took restraint to keep from throwing myself on the marble floors and curl up in a fetal position and cry...
I  did finally pull it together, went back to Inner Vision, got the nurse to enter the suite that my husband was getting his juice for the PET Scan, draw more blood and took it back to the lab. 
I truly wanted to pull a scene like from the movie "Carrie" and envision all that blood on that rude lab tech dripping down her head and say "Here! Here's your Blue Capped Vial of Radioactive Blood!"






These days I look at my husband and cry. 
I thought I was this strong strong woman. Boy, was I wrong. I have been thru some unspeakable things in my life. My childhood could be a really bad Made for TV Movie and I thought it made me like work-horse strong. I thought so many things about myself that I am finding to be horribly wrong. 
The thought of what lies ahead for him makes me shudder. 
If his prognosis is simply Stage 4 Squamous Carcinoma of the Throat, he is in for some really rough months ahead. If it is worse than that... I can't even imagine it.


Each and every note from all of you has gotten us thru and my husband and I appreciate them and your wonderful offers of Hope and Support more than you could ever know. 

I have been given hundreds of perfect stranger's home phone numbers to call and 


Offers....
I have had offers from people to come live with them during this.
I have had offers to come here to cook and clean for us.
Offers to do our laundry.
One sweet and wonderful friend has offered to let me call her at 4 a.m. or any time just to weep and she will listen in support.
I have had offers to drive us around to appointments.
I have had offers to take our two dogs until this nightmare is over.
I have had offers to call Doctors in Huston and pull strings for quick entry into the medical system there.
So many offers.
Most importantly, I have had thousands of offers to PRAY. 
Prayers from perfect strangers. What amazing people all of you are. I am so Blessed.
Truly Blessed.


Tomorrow is the biopsy surgery. If all goes well, we will have answers and options. 
If not, I don't know. The surgeon will put a probe with a camera down his throat. He will look inside his throat lungs, esophagus, stomach etc. They will hopefully get a tube past the cancer in his throat to breath for him during surgery. If the cancer has blocked that tiny hole then they will have to do a tracheotomy which is cut a hole in his throat to allow him to breath thru. I pray it all goes well.
Michael douglas went thru this and seems to be in remission. I am so Thankful for that.
His beautiful wife, Catherine Zeta Jones... She ended up in the looney bin. I can see why!
(I wonder if she ever dropped the ball on the Blue-Capped Vial of Blood?)