Saturday, February 22, 2014

My Dating Horror Stories

Dating after a loved ones death…. Sigh.

My darling husband passed away 18 months ago. 

My closest friends and family recommended I start dating again. 
I was back working again. I slowly found that laughing was not going to make the world end.  But dating?

Oh my. 

How does one do that after the love of their life has died and taken all of those feelings with them? Deep loving feelings buried away in a dark and silent tomb under ground for ever more.
Impossible.

Loneliness.
I never knew lonely until he left me.
I didn't even recognize the feeling of lonely. One of my best friends pointed out to me what was so wrong in my life.

"You're lonely!" She exclaimed to me one day after I had finished crying on her shoulder. 
Lonely? Me? I have never been lonely a day in my life! 
I am a people person. I am always surrounded by those that love and care for me. 
Wait… Could that be what this horrible feeling inside of me is? 
Loneliness?

She was right. I always had my kids and friends and lovely people with me. Surrounding me. But now?

 Now at night, alone in the dark at 2:00 a.m. the long sleepless nights dragging on. One minute seems like an hour. 
Tick tock. The clock seeming to echo my thoughts. 
Tick~ Alone.
                      Tock~Alone.
Tick ~Alone.

Finally, at 4 a.m. I usually give up and brew coffee. Check in online to not feel so interminably alone.

My sweet friends tried what they could to help.

Oh? An invite to dinner at your house Friday night, Lisa?

I'd love to! What can I bring?

I show up on time and hungry….

Lisa, her sweet husband, another couple that I know are there and I am told where to sit. One empty chair to my right. 
Doorbell rings.
A distinguished gentleman comes thru the door. Introductions are made. We all gather back at the table and sit down. 
Two bites into my salad and I finally have a "light-bulb" moment and realize…. This is a Blind-date and I have been set up!
Ugh.
Not ready. 
As sweet and handsome as he is… I can't.
I drive home in tears and shaken.

"Please Lisa, don't do that again. I almost peed myself in shame when I realized your little plan.

 I'm just not ready."

Will I ever be ready?

Will any man ever be able to take Henry's place in my heart?
Will I ever be able to love and laugh again?

Two months pass.

I am in Florida.
I meet a very good looking man and we chat. He seems lovely. Kind and thoughtful. Fun and attentive.
He casually asks me to dinner for the following Saturday night at a popular restaurant in Tampa.

I have a split second to respond.
"Ok, that sounds nice. I will meet you there. 7:00?"

"Well, I will have to book a room in Tampa since I am from St. Petersburg and have had a DUI. I don't want to drink and drive so I will spend the night in Tampa."


Since this is his issue, I casually agree. 

"Ok, sounds great!" I say with a slight lift in my voice. 
Give the guy a chance… Make it fun. He's CUTE!
What do I have to lose?

Saturday night.

I dress carefully in a cute ruffled skirt and blouse. 
Not too over-done. Just keeping it light and fun.

Just as I arrive in the parking lot of the restaurant, I get a text that he is there. 

I see him approach my car. He hugs me as I exit my car and grabs my hand as we walk in the door. It's dim and romantic.  Soft music is playing.
It's been so long since I have dated that I don't really know what to expect.
He seems to know exactly what to do. 
He orders wine and appetizers. Our food and drinks arrive and between laughing and talking, we seem to be enjoying the evening. 


The server brings the bill to the table. It lays there in front of him. 


My date grabs my hand and looks into my eyes.
"Lana, I want to take you out on the town dancing. We will cut this town up tonight."
I stare back at him. That sounds fun.

I slowly nod my head yes. Dancing. 
How long had it been since I went dancing. Swaying to the beat of the music. Having a mans arm around me in the darkened room even on a crowded dance floor. 
It sounded nice.

"Ok." He says, "We will go dancing but first I want to take you back to my hotel room."

Wait. What?
Back to his hotel room?
Hell No!

I shake my head no. I see the anger rise up from his throat to his eyes.  A tiny vein has popped up on his forehead and seems to be growing. He is angry!

"Hey, I told you I had to get a room here because I don't want to drive back to St. Pete after I have been drinking. 
I told you!
I paid for a room and we are going back there and I am taking you to my bed. I paid for a room!" His voice seems to rise loudly in the crowded room.

I reply in a soft voice.
"I am not going to go to your room. I met you here to have dinner with you. Nothing more. This is a first date."
One of my favorite quotes enters my foggy brain.
(If you don't stand up for something… You'll lay down for anything.) I am standing firm on this one.

Am I so out of touch that the rules have all changed? I didn't even kiss on a first date. Sleep with him after one date? No way!

"You're going to sit there and not  change your mind and come back to the hotel with me? After I PAID for a room?"

"No."

He stands up abruptly. His chair slides loudly across the floor as he pushes away from the table.
 He puts one finger on the bill and slowly slides it over to me
"Then YOU get to pay for THIS!" He says with an ugly sneer as he walks away from the table and out the door of the restaurant.

I sit there alone at the table with my mouth wide open. Shocked. 
I paid that bill. Gladly.
It was the best $100.00 I ever spent!
I never saw this creep again but hopefully learned something from this date.
Not sure yet what but each day is a learning experience.
sigh.
More later….








28 comments:

  1. "It was the best $100.00 I ever spent!" Well done Lana!

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  2. your daggone right Lana...best use of $100 ever!! What a zero this guy was...unbelievable!!! He's so full of himself he's got no room to consider anyone else, and still empty to boot. Take heart, beautiful lady...there ARE real men with real hearts out there, don't let this goofhead (kindest word I can think of right now) discourage you. This guy's opinion of himself is laughable. Keep movin' forward darlin'.

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  3. wow sounds like a date from hell.sad to say most guys are like this nowadays.which is why i have no found anyone guys don;t have morals and lack class.im glad he didn;t end up hurting you.i have met some weirdos from online that wanted sex on the first night very creepy no thanks.ill stay alone before i meet a guy online had too many horror stories to tell.what a smooth talking jerk!

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  4. As a 63 y/o single female bank executive, why did I know how this was going to end. Been there, done that, never again. Sorry this happened to you.

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  5. Geez...how awful. The guy has issues and kudos for you Lana. You handled it with class and grace. To bad he didn't have any. Hugs-Sue

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  6. I have passed your blog onto my friend. She has also been widowed but is still so gullible when in comes to men. She met someone on the Internet who ended up stalking her and it took her over 2 years of her life to get rid off him. All her friends saw through him from the start.

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  7. Don't think about dating and falling in love with another man as letting someone else take Henry's place in your heart...Henry will always be in your heart....and his feelings for you are not buried in a dark and silent tomb...his love is still alive and you will always feel it...if you want to. I have been witness to several friends start over after the death of their husband..one said that when she found the right man, the feelings still remain for her husband who passed away....and that her new husband respects that she will always have him in her heart....if a new man is right for you, he will understand that your love for Henry will never die...it may fade...but it will never die. Lana, Henry will always live in your heart....why would you stop loving Henry just because you meet someone else and fall in love...surely your heart is big enough for Henry to remain there...if another man is jealous of that, then send him packing...!!! That's my view. xoxoxoxo

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  8. Ooooo, if I ever come across that poor excuse for a man .. I won't be responsible for what happens to him!!! Not that I'll ever come across the low life .. ugh, I'm seething! I'm just glad that you're ok.

    Monica, www.pear-shaped-gal.com

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  9. Lana, that man sounds like a sociopath...I think you were very lucky to get out of there. The first red flag was the DUI, and the second is the rage you saw when you "disagreed" with him. That's typical of a sociopath.

    I think you will find the right man when you are ready. There is no rush. Henry will always be the love of your life and hold a special place in your heart. Your friends were only looking out for your best interests. It's totally o.k. not to be ready. It's also o.k. if it takes time, even a few years until you are ready. There is no wrong amount of time! You may want to check out a book by Steve Harvey (talk show host) called, "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man". It has some good tips on dating. One thing Steve says is to drive your own car to the first date, which you did. Thankfully, that guy said he wanted to stop at the hotel which you declined. Can you imagine if you didn't have your own car and would have been forced to do that? Who knows what could have happened.

    Be safe my friend. You'll find the perfect man for you. You deserve the best. Don't settle for anything less.

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  10. Your better than me, I would have said well let me go to the restroom and freshen up first, then walk out the door leaving him with the check and his pitiful self

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  11. Your better than me, I would have said well let me go to the restroom and freshen up first, then walk out the door leaving him with the check and his pitiful self

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  12. Dear God the last date sounds like a total pig! Just cause you go for dinner with someone doesn't mean they get a free pass at the theme park!
    You will know your ready when you feel ready. Some people feel ready right away others don't. And sometimes it takes meeting the perfect person to know you are ready.
    Love ya Lana! Take VERY VERY VERY GOOD care of your beautiful self.

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  14. Lana, I haven't followed you for long. First saw you on you tube, then asked for your friendship on fb. I am your age, single by divorce. I can relate to the loneliness its terrible. I have after several years, and one extremely unhappy marriage found a wonderful man. I don't believe we will ever marry, but he is such a wonderful and positive person in my life, when sometimes everything else seems upside down! I'm a nurse and my job is hectic! my grown kids sometimes cause me grief and disappointment...the grandkids...always sweet, but when things aren't always good with the kids, it causes a wedge between myself and the grandkids! I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you! You are a beautiful person, and you will find someone to love again! Consider me your hoosier friend!!!

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  15. Hi Lana, I am new to your You Tube and now here, all I can say is Ewell!!! What a jerk off he is!!! Expecting you go with him, how disgusting he is to think that at all.
    Maybe I am out of touch too with this crazy world we all live in but I never even kiss on the first date, maybe on the cheek but that is that. Kissing is very personal too. Jezz you did the right thing I would have gladly paid the bill too just to see him exiting the restaurant!!! Jerk Off!!! So annoyed right now for you! Lv Lucille xoxo

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  16. I've had other women our age tell me stories like this. I'm sooo glad you got away with your wellness and dignity intact. Don't feel like you have to rush things. Everyone is different, and your timeline is appropriate for you. Wishing you all the best from down the road in Fla.

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  17. Ugh! Some men (thankfully not all) do not mature with age.

    Somewhere out there is a lovely man who will treat you well, you have just not met him yet!

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  18. Lana, not sure what the laws are in Florida, but- you have an expensive purse, shoes, jewelry, car...and the most precious, YOU. You need a handgun and to take a class so that you properly know how to use it. Not just for the dating scene but in general. What if he had pulled that crap in the parking lot? I don't want to scare you, I just want you aware and SAFE. Please consider it!

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  19. Oh Lana, that sounds awful. I'm glad you got out of there all right!

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  20. Woww! Lana thats awful. My parents were marrird 55 yrs and we lost my father to breast cancer. My mother was just telling me a horror story about a man treating her this way too. I was surprised as my mom is 79yrs. And the man was like 81yrs. I was very shocked that she was treated that way, as Im so sorry to here your story as well. Thank you for sharing you are a beautiful woman, im so happy I found you on you tube, your friend, sherry

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  21. Great post : "My Dating Horror Stories ". I found it very nice story. Thanks -
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  22. I am speechless. He is an idiot. Thanks for sharing this as I am certain it is a great caution to other single/widowed ladies.

    Linda

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  23. I love the story and want to hear more.

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  24. I love the story and want to hear more.

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  25. Using some concealer to even out the skin tone under her eye and sprayed it twice to give an even color that blended well into her cheeks. I also highlighted her brow bone and inner corner to bring Skin Care Indiana the eye up and away from her trouble area.

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  26. Lana! I am so happy you stood up for yourself & for whats right. So sorry that happened to you. I am now following you on Google plus!

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