Tuesday, November 6, 2012

I have SHOES Older Than YOU!

Sun and Sand.
Tropical breezes and hope in the air.
Life is changing. There are days I don't want it to change and others I crave the changes.
Since my husband passed away, I feel like I am 16 years old released into the wild streets with no direction.
I warned close family and friends that I WILL make mistakes. Not to watch me too closely and please, most of all, not to judge.
DO NOT JUDGE ME

I was driving down the road on a sunny Florida day and this odd feeling rushed toward me and hit me up side my head like a MAC truck. 

What was it?
It felt oddly great.
It then occurred to me that this odd feeling was "happy"
Just a flash in a nano-second but there it was!
I felt it so few times after my husbands diagnosis.
Thought that word was erased from my vocabulary for eternity after his death but it's not. Happiness is still there. It's how you allow it to come visit you.  I want it to come live with me. It's a much better houseguest than sad and pathetic.

I feel those feeling rush up to greet my face more and more as days slip by. I like it. I'm not going to push it away! 
Come back Ms. Happy, You're always welcome here.

It truly must be beginning to show on me as well as in me.

I was asked out  3 times this week!


I was in the grocery store. (The grocery stores down here are much prettier happier places than in Indiana)

An attractive gentleman in Dr. scrubs came up next to me as I stood pondering to my self what the difference was between a Burrito Kit and a Taco Kit  in the salsa aisle. 
He said, "If you don't feel like cooking it, there is a fun Mexican restaurant down the street if you'd like to go. We can leave our carts here and escape to Mexico for an hour or perhaps you prefer the real thing?"
What?
Are you talking to me? 
I just avoided his eyes and mumbled some dumb thing. Muttering as I pushed my cart away scrambling to move away, hoping I wouldn't blurt out some idiotic sentence to embarrass myself.
On to frozen foods....
As I reached in to grab a bag of frozen peas, 
Same Dr. Same blue eyes asked if I was following him. 
Was he flirting with me?

Ha.

Me? Me, I asked? Surely not.
I am dead inside. I have no more to give or get.
Or do I?
It's far too soon and I will investigate this phenomena further but now is not the time.

The 2nd time I was a bit more prepared but just as shocked. 
To date again?
Go over all of life's history with a stranger? What's your sign? What do you do? Favorite movies? Ugh
All of that malarkey. Sounds exhausting.

The 3rd time I had to laugh to my self for hours after. He was 25 years old, cute as a button but as I told him.... 

I have SHOES older than he is!

My husband would hate all of this. He insured I would never have to depend on a man to care for me.  

My place is by his side for all eternity. I can and will grasp for that elusive happy where and when I can get it but for now not in the form of a "Date"
Maybe Later. 
I'm still finding myself.



136 comments:

  1. Are you going to stay in FL permantly? Sun and sand 365 sounds fabulous! I bet you were flirted with even married! You just have such a bubbly personality! Henry would be happy to see that smile back. Choose Happt Always! xxxooo

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  2. I never thought I could be happy again after my husband died. Or have another relationship again. But I am happy and have someone to share life with. You'll get there Lana.....I wish you a happy heart ��

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  3. One step at a time doll face - right now find the joy as it seeps through and come to know the Lana that is the all powerful woman by herself, you might really come to love that!

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  4. It lifts my heart to think you had a nano second of "happy". Yeah! Thank you for this post, there is hope. xoxo Jeanie

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  5. It makes me feel a little sick to know that I could say I have shoes older than a twenty year old. How in the world does time go by like that? o.O

    ~♥~

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  6. Ok, I don't have shoes older than 20 years .. lol.

    Anyway, take your time, heel, find yourself and you will love again.

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  7. Way to go Lana. Open that door and let happiness in. One of my favourite songs has a line that says "open up your heart and let the sun shine in".

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  8. I am so glad to hear Ms. Happy has been coming to visit. My wish is that she will visit you more and more frequently. You deserve all the HAPPINESS in the world.
    <3 ya gorgeous!

    XOXOXO from Jersey and I.

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  9. You will be happy again, and find love again, and feel whole again. You've come through far too much not to. One day you'll come back to yourself entirely, your joyous self. Till then, keep going to the supermarket. Men always ask me questions there, like what lettuce to buy!

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  10. Lana I am so glad to hear this. Please come back to us. We need you, I need you and I need some serious advice that I think you could help me with. Please message me or e-mail me at floridapossum.com

    Love you Sweetie,

    flopo

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  11. Hi Lana,
    Reading your blog, I wish i could reach through my screen and hug you. We can't control the things that happen in life, only how we react / over come them. You are an amazing person and a true inspiration. I wish you all the best and for happiness to move back in permanently. :)
    <3

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  12. Hi Lana, so glad you posted. I look forward to many more posts as you feel led to do. I really like the ones for the holidays and gift suggestions. They gave me some great ideas. You take all the time you need to heal. I don't think we ever really get over the loss of a loved one, we just move on with life. You'll laugh again and enjoy life and realize that you will have many good days. Don't let anyone rush you into something you are not ready for. I hope you come back soon. Miss you.

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  13. Good for you, Lana :) I'm wishing you many more Happy Nanos!
    Take care, mary sue

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  14. Lana, Be careful of those Young good looking men, They seek out Cougars (and I mean that without any disrespect) so they can be taken care of. You are beautiful inside and out and I think when the time is right it kind of just falls in your lap. I dated my ex-husband for 8 years before we got married then we divorced within 2 years and I thought I'd wallow in sadness forever from losing my first love, but God had a different plan for me. I met and married my husband all within one year of meeting. So nearly 9 years later we have a son and if someone would of told me how my future was going to go I would of bet my life/million bucks that it wouldn't be so...Very strange how destiny works....anyhow Love to you always....Happy is back!

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    Replies
    1. Farrah Knight, you are so right. My sister's attorney told her after her divorce not to tell a living soul about any settlement,etc. He looked her straight in the face and warned her that men looking for a home would chase her. All women and men who have been left alone should seek a companion or friend, but guard yourself and make sure you are loved for you and not your checkbook.

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  15. Good for you Lana! I feel happy to hear that YOU'RE happy. Also I can't imagine why you wouldn't be asked out. ;)
    I respect you not wanting to date. I couldn't imagine making that transition either.
    Take care and stay happy!!

    http://shortandsweetjoy.blogspot.com/

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  16. Hey Lana :) It's great to see you writing again and I'm happy you're starting to feel happiness again as well. I keep you in my thoughts and prayers and look forward to hearing more from you again soon. All the best to you. XOXO Cathy

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  17. I live for the day that I get to see your shining face on YouTube again! Your videos were such a joy to watch..and I still have hope that maybe soon you will pop on!! Enjoy the sunshine and happiness in Florida! xoxox stepanie

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  18. Make hand turkeys with the Grandbabies!


    ~♥~

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  19. Dearest Lana

    it is so nice to see a post from you. I often wonder how you are.

    you are a gorgeous woman - it is hardly a surprise that you will be flirted with..

    as for dating..well...you will know if and when the time is right..

    enjoy your moments of happiness Lana...they will become more frequent I am sure.

    Diana

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  20. Hope those moments of happiness visit often.

    Still thinking of you.

    Take care
    MrsSuze51

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  21. I miss seeing you here Lana !I keep checking ...hoping ...

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  22. I like your spirit, Lana. Live, Love, Laugh!

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  23. Grab onto "happy" whenever you can.

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  24. Thinking of you and praying for God to heal your heart, sweet Lana. And I hope Ms. Happy comes back to you soon! xoxo Lexi

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  25. Hoping happy memories of Henry outweigh the pain of losing him...

    ~♥~

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  26. I am so glad Ms Happy is returning Lana...although terrible things have happened Lana..you have always sought happiness and happiness will in return seek you. :)

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  27. It is good to see your posts again. I think of you often and hope and pray you find your joy and happiness. God Bless` Cynthia \I"/

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  28. I am happy to hear that you are getting some joyful moments back in your life. My husband didn't die, but he cheated on me after 22 years of marriage with a 35 year old. I thought I wanted to die, and that the sadness would never leave me. I cried and slept for 6 months, and lost weight from not eating. I watched your videos on youtube and decided to look as good as I could. You helped me get myself back and I too had guys flirting with me! It felt good! I check on you all the time Lana and wish you happiness and love!

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  29. I was just so glad to hear that you are having some happy moments. This is going to sound crazy- but you always inspire me. You seem to care so much for people, and especially for women. I am going to The Aveda Institute for Estiology at 48! I want to help women feel better about themselves too. God Bless you!
    Stacy

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  30. I was married married for almost 20 years, to a very unfaithful husband. I have now been separated 5 years and divoriced for 2. My story is different however... the same in that I decided to find myself. It has been the kids and I and I'm going to enjoy my life! if the time comes and God has someone else in store for me... I'll know! the healing time is over, now I'm just enjoying the peace and following dreams, And watching my kids follow thiers :) I wish you all the blessings in the world! Kim

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  31. Wishing you many more moments of happiness Lana. Still sending you much love and light♥
    Mary
    (mjd716)

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  32. Hello Lana,

    I don't think you remember me. I became a CASA because of the video you did. When in training they asked how I heard of CASA talking about you made the greatest story in the room :)
    I know to you I am a nameless, faceless comment out of possible hundreds or even thousands you have received but I still want to let you know you have changed my life and the 5 cases I now handle. I am going on my 2nd year and have been spotlighted as a great CASA worker plus I help teach now. Your words, videos and blogs have changed countless lives, mine being one of them.
    I have read all your posts and grieved with you. I have prayed for you and your beautiful husband. And I justed wanted to let you know how loved you are. I have no words to ease your pain but just wanted to let you know how important you are to someone in New Jersey :)
    Love and Hugs,
    Marisa

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  33. Thank you. I will never look at my shoes the same again...you made me smile today. No judgement from me. Your life through story helps me to see one day what I or a loved one will face.

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  34. ~♥~

    (Wishing there was a "Like" button for some of these posts!)

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  35. Happy December Lana, please come back to us. We all miss you and hope you'll be back soon.

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  36. Lana:

    Thinking of you and hoping you are wearing your big girl panties.

    Take care.
    Susan

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  37. Dear Lana,
    I think of you so much. You gave me strength in a very hard time. You are such a powerful lady with such a great heart. I miss your videos and blogposts so much. I hope, one day, you will find the power and strength to share your life with us again.

    I wish you a merry Chrismas - as beautiful as it can be with this very sad loss. Don´t close your eyes for the beautiful things on earth. Stay open. I wish you all the best and I´m looking forward to see you soon on screen.

    Love and Hugs from Munich/ Germany <3
    Alessandra

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  38. Lana:

    Just had to let you know I watched some of your videos again and laughed more this time than the last time.

    Wanted to say thanks.

    Love
    MrsSuze51

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  39. Hoping you are spending & enjoying time with family & loved ones...

    ~♥~

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  40. Hope your having some fun out there somewhere!
    Can't wait to hear about it.

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  41. Happy First Day of Winter! (\^o^)/\(^o^\)

    Make paper snowflakes!

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  42. My husband is my best friend and the love of my life too. I still have him with me but reading your post makes me think about the day this will happen to one of us and it will be so hard. I know how much you love your husband. I went to a psychic once (one of those that pray to GOD) and she told me that our love ones become our guardian angels. At first I didn't believe her but than she told me of an angle that was next to me. She described her perfectly. She didn't know my mom had passed away and yet her she was describing her. She told me the angle was mad at something going on with my brother. I have 3. I called the one I thought it might be and said what is wrong. He said "How did you know?" My wife and I are getting a divorce. My point is that I think your husband is now your guardian angle and he is with you all the time along with any other love ones in your life. They are suppose to guide us if we listen. Either way he is with you, right now. I believe that.

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  43. Hold on. This hurdle is almost over!

    You will make it through this!

    ~♥~

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  44. Hoping today is full of warm breezes, sun, and good memories.

    ~♥~

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  45. HAPPY NEW YEAR to you Lana! God's Blessings

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  46. Miss you Lana, I hope all is well and that you had a woncerful Christmas. I know the first ones are hard, but you will get through it with your "Big Girl Panties" . Let us know how you are getting on :)

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  47. Lana, think of you often.... hope you are doing well & enjoyed your family for the holidays. Let me know whem you are in Indiana maybe we can have that get together lunch at Saks we talked about 2 yrs ago.... miss you... xoxo shirley

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  48. Lana,

    Just checking in on you to see if you are ok.
    I hope that your family is around you and at least you are smiling.
    Please take care and when you are ready, let us know how you are doing.

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  49. It's weird saying this, because I feel like I know you even though we haven't even met! I adore your style, your grace, your sense of humor and more! You're truly an inspiration and we MISS YOU!!!

    Throw us a bone at least! ;)
    A quick little video is all we need. You've turned so many of us into Lana junkies, we're desperate for a fix! ;)

    Seriously though, I hope all is well and life is fun again. Hope to see you soon. :)

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  50. Hi Lana:

    Sun is shining to-day. Hope it's shining where you are.

    Miss you.

    MrsSuze51

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  51. Missing you heaps Lana. Thinking of you and hoping you are well. XXX

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  52. I love that outfit!!
    Much love,
    Wengie
    http://www.wengie.com

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