Thursday, January 12, 2012

Chapter 10

As I write this, I am searching my memory for one, just one, good memory. Were there any? I can't remember them if there were. 
I hate the bleakness of this story but things are about to change for the worse then the better. I can barely wait to write the ways things will change and improve. 

It's summer.
I love summer. Sun shining so bright and happy.

Barbara bought a snap together pool that is only a foot deep for her 3 kids to play in and cool off in the summer heat. 
I am now their babysitter. They are so loved and cared for by her but her "Soaps" come first on any given day. Summertime is no different.

The youngest one has gotten out of the pool and is riding her scooter bike on the bumpy gravel driveway. She falls. I am so busy watching the other two playing in the water that I couldn't get to her before she fell to the driveway and skinned her knee as the trike toppled to the ground. She screams out like she has been murdered. Tiny drops of blood are forming on her skinned up knee and her blood curdling screams could be heard for miles. 
Babara comes running outside as fast as her huge body will thrust her forward, bottle of Pepsi in hand. Her Soaps momentarily forgotten. Her rage at having missed one minute apparent on her greasy red face.

She runs to her screaming child, pushing me out of her way with a giant punch to side of my face.
The child's crying has stopped. Her skinned knee forgotten.

"What have you done?" She screams at me.

"Nothing, she fell off her trike. She's fine. I was worried the other two would drown in the pool so I stayed with them," I sputtered out the words quickly, sensing this wasn't going to end well. My entire body sensing real fear.

"How dare you let my baby get hurt! You were supposed to watch them ALL, you idiot! Drown? I'll show you drown!" she says as she grabs me by my hair and begins to drag me across the sharp gravel of the driveway to the edge of the pool and slams my body into the water. 
She quickly grasps the back of my neck and holds my head under water.  I can't breathe. I feel my lungs trying to get air but I must learn my lesson and Barbara is a strict teacher to say the least.
Finally, she pulls my head from under the shallow blue water and I gasp for air. My face out of the water for a brief instant. One of her kids has gotten in on the fun and slams a metal sand bucket into my face and above my eye splits open as they laugh with glee.

Back down. My face submerged once again.
Just as quickly as she lets me up for air, I am shoved back down, this time for even longer. I am fighting to get my face from under the knee-deep water but her grip is held firm. Her fingers like talons clutched into the back of my neck. 
I am clawing the air, her skin, anything to be able to breathe again! Fighting.
She pulls my face up only to be shoved down again and again.  I am barely able to gasp one lungful of precious air in before she slams me under water again. Then again.
I am tiring but Barbara is not. To have her Soaps interrupted is unacceptable. Punishable by Barbara to the fullest.

My fight is gone. This time she holds me down under the water that by now seems to be so deep but is only a foot in depth. 
I give up. My lungs no longer crave to breathe air. Just let the quiet of the underwater blue of the pool take me with it. The bubble pattern on the bottom of the pool is fascinating. So blue. The sunshine rippling thru the water so pretty. The blood from the cut forming a tiny red moving cloud against the blue of the pool liner. So peaceful here. So painless..... 

I wake up  hours later upstairs in the darkness of my room. The house is quiet and the door is locked. My sister whispers into the crack of the door. "Lana, Are you ok?  Barbara thought she killed you. It scared her. Scared everyone. Maybe now they will let up on you."

"I'm fine" I tell her, "but we have to get out of here. We can't be here any longer. I want to go, get out of here, but I won't leave you here alone with them."
"Oh Lana." She exclaims with a deep sigh as approaching footsteps near the stairwell scare her from the tiny crack of the door.

I have a plan....


  1. Unbelieveable~ I was cringing and reliving the torture with you Lana...whew...breeeeth! Your words..simple yet powerful. I hope this brings some healing and release. So sorry you have endured such evil. Please know you are loved precious Lana.

  2. So very sad. I'm sorry you endured this Lana. What happens to us in childhood effects us for life, clearly you are a survivor, I look forward to following chapters. Thank you for sharing.

  3. Please tell me this monster is dead!

  4. DEAD!!! is to easy escape. They should have live for long time and see and pay for what have they done. It is so nonhuman. HOW they can live with themselves knowing what they were doing. How your mind has to be cold and screw up!!!

  5. She does this in front of her kids?? Teaching her kids how to treat someone with such cruelty? What a disgusting monster..

  6. It takes immense courage to write your story Lana. It brings tears to my eyes and rips my heart out to read what you have had to endure and if I didn't know you for the lady you are, the wonderful, bubbly, intelligent, kind, loving, all time giver we see on YT, then I wouldn't have the strength to continue reading. You're a survivor Lana and I hope that those 2 evil monsters perish where they belong - in the depths of hell-fire!!

  7. I came back to read this chapter I somehow missed... your life Lana reminds me so much of a couple of books I read a few years ago by Dave Pelzer "a child called it" & "The lost boy"... Dave Pelzer also had a HORRIFIC childhood...abused by his own Mother! So so sad!!! I just don't get it!!! I really don't ....Araceli (98chely..YT) ((( Big Hug)))

  8. I could hardly breathe reading this. Each time that monster put you under water I was holding my breath. My God I can't believe the cruelty of this monster. God bless you Lana. I don't know how you can even swim in a pool.

  9. I was holding my breath right along with you as I was reading this. I am waiting for you to escape this nightmare. Waiting!

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