Sunday, November 6, 2011

Chapter 3

Chapter three will be boring. I will tell you that up front.


Why will it be boring?
Because it is "normal".
Living and growing up in a happy loving home?
No.
But living and loving and being a child -that kind of boring. Being fed and clothed and having a warm safe place to lay your head at night kind of boring.
Peaceful.
Quiet.
Safe.
The orphanage was a good place. Nothing like the Miss Hannigan scenes in the movie Annie. I loved it there.
No abuse or mean evil events.
That would come soon enough. It would come.
Dark, black and about to burst open like an over-ripe piece of fruit clinging to a vine.  It would happen.
Raw. Bleak. Exposed.
Three innocent kids just about to fall to the ground into a foul decaying heap, it would happen.
Why tell all of this now? 
It's MY story. I own it. I lived it.
It has been a part of me for 50 years. It's not who I am.
It's not who my brother and sister are. We all survived.  Sometimes I wondered how?
Some may shape their lives after their troubles as a child. 
I refuse to do that. I want to rise above it. Change it. Make sure the pattern stopped with me and with us and with "them." Not because of "them" but in spite of "them"


I will never forget it but it will not cling to me. It will not ruin me.
It will not soak into my soul and become me.


Again, Chapter 3 will be plain and boring and healthy. Three kids among many that had no parents in a time in this country when it happened way too often.
Children were thought of as property back in the late 1950's and 60's. You did as you were told. No sassing. No back-talk. No options.
You were spanked and disciplined and accepted, even respected your elders no matter what. 
You told no one your troubles. Who would care?
Who would listen?
No one interfered. We were children. 
Chapter 3. Boring.
Chapter 4.... Perhaps Not So Much....

13 comments:

  1. I know it's silly, but I want to close my eyes and place my hands over my ears to block out what is to come. It seems, no matter how old we are, we fall back on childish habits to shield ourselves from the evil around us. I'll be brave Lana as I know you had to be.

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  2. im so glad you grew up normal and mostly happy lana, learning to get past awful events can be the hardest thing in the world. my mum and her sister had awful childhoods, and my mu grew up so well rounded because she wouldnt let it shape her, wheras her sister...not so much.
    im pleased you got past it, you really have because such a wonderful fabulous person x

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  3. I don't even want to think about how bad Chapter 4 is.. It makes me happy to see you rise above everything that had happened. So many people use their past as an excuse to hold them back from life. An excuse for why their life isn't what they want it to be. You bust your ass to make your life what you want it to be and you are a wonderful person because of it. Even in times of strife, you push through. You may not see it, but you truly are an inspiration. <3

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  4. Well said Deb. I feel like I'm in the story with you. I'll be strong with you too Lana.

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  5. Hey Lana, while I don't want to think about anything terrible happening to you or your siblings, I support you in your life story. Like you said, we know whatever happens there will be a happy ending... I've braced myself... Okay, READY.

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  6. I love the way you write Lana, I love how you are able to use text that is very descriptive, so much so that I feel as though I am there with you, a small and scared child watching on. You demonstrate to us Lana that no matter where people come from, no matter how bad their circumstances have been growing up, they can turn their lives around and be successful, happy and normal individuals with spirit and determination. They can move on, using adversity as a big stone to leap off, never to return again. No one would drive their car looking in the rear view mirror, so why go through life constantly looking back, being dragged down by the past, unable to fly free? It's hard to believe that the vibrant, successful and happy lady we see on youtube has known such a life dear Lana. You are hope and living proof personified! Hugs for you and Henry, much love, Leyla xxxooo :) xxxooo

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  7. Oh Lana, I well understand how children were thought of back in the 50's and 60's. You're right--there was never a person to turn to. We learned quickly that we had to fend for ourselves, because adults were too scary. I'm so thankful that your story has a happy ending. God bless you, Sweetie. Big hugs,~Marilyn

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  8. I'm a few years older than you. I remember how it was to be a child then. I can't believe the things kids say & do now. I don't believe in all of the beating that went on & not being allowed to speak. I also think maybe we went to far in the opposite direction. Maybe people are too lenient now. I know there are better laws in place to protect children. Still kids fall through the cracks. I also am scared for Chapter 4. It's wonderful that you haven't let your past ruin your life. Your a very strong woman & a good one too. I know you try to help children now. God bless you for all that you do for them.

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  9. Lana dear, it shard to reconcile the gorgeous, sharp Chanel clad woman I see on YouTube with this helpless little waif. Scared to see the next chapter, but if you could bear it happening, I can bear reading it. More please.

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  10. Lana:
    I lost my Dad in February and there will forever be a part of me missing.

    He too had a very difficult upbringing. His parents were alcoholics,his Mother and sister were murdered, his brother died on the street and that's only part of the story.

    He worked hard for 37 years in a factory, was married for 62 years and raised 6 amazing loving kids that adored him. He always had a smile on his face and a song in his heart.

    He taught us to treat people the way we would want to be treated. He taught me that whatever happens in my life, get up and keep going. I know he's with me and I'm still going.

    You are so good at writing. Keep going Lana.

    Give my regards to Henry.

    MrsSuze51

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  11. I wish I had known you when we were young. My Nemesis was and is my father. He made everyone's life hell. My mother said last night, Cindy, you can still beat him. Just be the very best person you can be. You said, "Some may shape their lives after their troubles as a child. I refuse to do that. I want to rise above it. Change it. Make sure the pattern stopped with me and with us and with "them." Not because of "them" but in spite of "them". You and my mother are right. It's never too late to win. Thank you for sharing.

    Cindy
    Bearbeadcat

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  12. Property, to be used, abused or disposed of however the adult wanted the child to be. Funny, you mention that this chapter would be boring because it was normal....I could have wrote that myself. So many people have the priveledge of a beautiful childhood and have fond memories; I wouldn't wish mine on my worse enemy nor do I wish to go back. My biggest tormentor, my so called father, has been gone almost 9 years and I don't even miss him. Sad really. Keep writing!

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